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Hi WantToBelieve,

Great question. The harder you push, the harder the pain pushes back.

You mentioned that you "push through the pain" and that this is your "normal." In order to push through pain you have to be focusing on it, monitoring it, trying to ignore it, and getting upset at the pain (and at yourself by proxy). Every time you do this you reinforce the purpose of the pain: to serve as a vessel of preoccupation and fear.

This method doesn't work because ANYTHING that you do to monitor, change, eliminate, problem solve, or push through the pain is ultimately reinforcing its purpose.

Is this hard? Of course it's hard! It is probably the hardest thing that you will ever do. But it is worth it and IT WORKS.

If you truly want to stand up to your inner bully in a meaningful way, the pain has to come to mean nothing to you. When you get to the point where the pain doesn't matter, you will have cut off all reinforcement and the pain will no longer have a purpose. When you have done this, the pain could be gone within days.

My best advice for you is to stop. Stop trying to get rid of the pain. Stop pushing through the pain. Stop worrying about whether or not you're doing it right. Stop feeding this beast that thrives on fear and preoccupation. You are hurting yourself when you do these things and that should be unacceptable to you.

You have one job only; Don't give a shit about the pain.

The more you focus on anything pain-related, the more you reinforce it.

If you're in pain, instead of pushing through it, focus on refusing to let it make you feel defeated or put you in a terrible mood. Wink at it and tell it that its days are numbered. Then move on with your life and try to be confident and present.

Hone your authentic indifference to the pain and don't allow it to determine your progress. Measure your progress based on your response to the pain instead of the pain itself.

Keep it simple and keep trying. You can do this.

-Derek

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