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This strikes a cord with me too. Trying to reframe your relationship with the pain is key but very hard.

I'm reading a book right now on mindfulness which is opening up my eyes. It's called, You Are Not Your Pain. The authors come to the same conclusion that focusing on the pain is what fuels it but the approach is slightly different then what I've seen before. Chapter 5 is especially hitting home with me. It's called Your Are Not Your Thoughts

They explain that there are 2 states of mind - the Doing mode and the Being mode. The Doing mode is what allows us to solve problems and is, "fantastically powerful process that helps you solve countless different types of problems." However, using the Doing mode for chronic pain is the worst thing you can do. This is because the Doing mode makes you focus on the gap between where you are (in pain) and where you want to be (without pain) and therefore it highlights that gap and preoccupies you with your inability to get there.

The ideal is to be in the Being mode which is what mindfullness helps you achieve. In this state you try to be in the present. This doesn't mean to try to have a blank mind. The goal is to be able to recognize when your mind wanders and what your thoughts are and then to gently guide them back to the present. Thoughts are afterall usually about the past or the future and they often create emotions like fear which fuels the pain.

You don't need to struggle with your thoughts or banish them. When you bring them out into the open and shine a light on them you can see that they are thoughts and not facts and they loose their power and hopefully this takes the attention off your pain and it starts to go away.

Easier said then done and requires practice because the habit of a wandering mind is so engrained that you don't even realize you are doing it. Also, I think TMSers find it hard to be in the present because it may not feel safe to them due to childhood and other emotional wounds.