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Answer

Thank you for the submission. This is definitely an important question, and one that many of my clients have asked: What do I do with my anger? The first part of that answer is figuring out exactly how you experience anger in your body. Many of my clients are unsure of what it is to feel anger in the body. They know that they have angry thoughts, but are not necessarily aware of the physical sensation of feeling anger.

I’d encourage you to work on noticing what anger feels like within your body, for that will give you clues in your day to day life when you’re feeling even the smallest amounts of anger. I know this sounds like an odd process (“of course I know how to feel angry”), but I have found that learning to recognize the physical signs of being angry can help with learning how to manage them as they arise in everyday life.

Secondly, it sounds like you’re working with a strong addiction to worry and fear. An addiction to fear is similar to many other addictions in that when we indulge in it, it sends a message to our brain that what we’re doing is pleasurable (whether or not we’re conscious of that pleasurable feeling). So, allowing yourself to indulge in those fears and worries only solidifies that addiction.

I’d encourage you to try and recognize every time that you allow yourself to worry (have fear) about something in your life. Notice how many times per day you indulge in those worries. People often discover that they spend much of their day in a fearful place. Fear (as I’ve written about before) can do horrible things to do the body.

For example, think of people sitting in a movie theatre watching a horror movie. Generally their visceral reaction of fear is one of tightness and tension (gripping the seat, pulling their hair, squeezing the hand of the person next to them). If we allow ourselves to be in a fearful state every single day, we’re encouraging our body to react in a similar fashion. If you live in a place of constant tension, your body will begin to suffer. Recognizing the damaging effects of fear can help begin the process of re-training our brain not to indulge in these fearful thoughts. See if you can (1) notice when you’re having these thoughts and (2) stop yourself. You might find that when you have these thoughts you will have the same physical reaction (though perhaps slightly more subdued) that those same horror movie patrons experience. At that point you can see how damaging it is to your body to continue those thoughts. Take a deep breath, and see if you can release some of the tension you might be feeling.

The first thousand times you try this it may not work, but keep at it – building a positive, healthy habit takes time.

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Any advice or information provided here does not and is not intended to be and should not be taken to constitute specific professional or psychological advice given to any group or individual. This general advice is provided with the guidance that any person who believes that they may be suffering from any medical, psychological, or mindbody condition should seek professional advice from a qualified, registered/licensed physician and/or psychotherapist who has the opportunity to meet with the patient, take a history, possibly examine the patient, review medical and/or mental health records, and provide specific advice and/or treatment based on their experience diagnosing and treating that condition or range of conditions. No general advice provided here should be taken to replace or in any way contradict advice provided by a qualified, registered/licensed physician and/or psychotherapist who has the opportunity to meet with the patient, take a history, possibly examine the patient, review medical and/or mental health records, and provide specific advice and/or treatment based on their experience diagnosing and treating that condition or range of conditions.

The general advice and information provided in this format is for informational purposes only and cannot serve as a way to screen for, identify, or diagnose depression, anxiety, or other psychological conditions. If you feel you may be suffering from any of these conditions please contact a licensed mental health practitioner for an in-person consultation.

Questions may be edited for brevity and/or readability.