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I feel for you. I just wanna throw in another suggestion - a recent source of information that had me understand feelings (fear) and the connection to health better than anything else.

As Alan (and everyone else who beat TMS) implies the key is fear. The opposite is joy, gratitude, empowerment etc. Up until recently I'd tried to rid the fear by thinking positive, meditate, "not care" about it etc etc., seperately. It has worked in periods but I find myself slip back easily and its a constant struggle.

However, something clicked while reading "you are the placebo" by joe dispenza. Although he jumps to some conclusions rather fast (for example that physics on a quantum level seems transferable to a macro level, which I find intriguing), the main message speaks to me. It is basicly the same message as SteveO talks about (and Emmett Miller) but with an scientific angle, also explaining how the brain works. It is the latter that (as an highly analytical engineer) was the key. I can't just believe and do. I need to believe, understand, then do. This has been a stumbling block for me all along.

In short;
Meditate, come down deep the darkness of now. Then visualize, with a clear intention, how you would like your life to be. Then CONNECT that with joyful gratutide, burn-mark that vizualisation with good feelings. This alters your brains physiology, which in turn changes the body's physiology - in time, by altering your gene-expression. "Neurons that fire together, wire together." Pain is among other things, a habit.

Come on, do it for 2 months. 1h in the morning, 1h when going to bed. Then take up a dancing class, and a cooking class or whatnot. Create your life, do not react to life.