Bookmark

At the heart of pain is fear.

The fear of failure is due to the fear of being shamed/rejected, and the fear of being rejected is due to fear of being isolated, and the fear of being isolated is due to the fear of being alone: un-connected. Then comes ego to further hide the fear and to disconnect the person from others, and from himself.

Fear = Unconnected

So the chain of fear keeps working backwards to being alone (the word"ego" means, "me" or "I"....as separate). When we "feel" alone we have no one to express our fear to, or our anger, or our frustrations, or our joy, or our day, or our-Self. The pain itself is your deeper-self expressing this need "to feel connected" and that need is being expressed through your body, if you have pain. If you have someone to express yourself to, the pain gets diluted, which is why journaling and talking are the best cures.

I've been told, "I have loved ones to express myself to Steve, I'm surrounded by love." Really?? Why are you here reading this on this forum then? I believe theirs' is a reaction-formation response (saying they have someone because they feel that they should feel that way). You're at the forums because others understand you, and you understand them. Those around you at home don't--not at the level you currently need. You are here because you feel alone.

I created the word in GPD "tracordification" or "tracordify" for this purpose. We need others to feel connected, to express, to be whole. When we feel love and in love and cared for, we feel invincible and pain isn't necessary. At some point in your life you felt disconnected/abandoned emotionally, and your fear grew dramatically. At that point you created your pain to hide your rage, and to ease your anxiety.

Separation = panic = rage = needed diversion = OCD = anxiety relief = TMS = pain (this isn't a math equation, but a domino reaction, although some are equivalents.)

I'm still surprised when I run into people who don't understand that TMS is an anxiety reliever. TMSing is OCDing. They are both means of alleviating anxiety, desperately needed diversions.

So you became a good perfectionist to try to pull someone to you, to want to be connected. Thus, you created perfection in your mind, as an OCD equivalent, to avoid rejection, and deeper isolation. By being perfect we feel we can never be criticized/rejected, and then abandoned/disconnected. The disconnect is the thing that caused the rage because all you really wanted was to be loved and cared for, and held, not having to constantly prove yourself to be accepted. The demands to succeed and achieve are enraging because you simply want love without having to prove it, over and over.

You may feel that by becoming something other than the true you, or going into a certain career may pull someone to you, pull their heart to you. But your deeper truth does not want to be untrue to your entire self, as your conscious self pushes aside your deeper wishes. This is the essence of a divided mind. The good news is that you can still heal, but it takes a deepening awareness of who you are, and what you want.

If you're in pain, then you are not who you are currently pretending to be.

Close your eyes, take in a deep breath, let it out, breathe and feel your body relax heavy...now ask yourself at the same time as you sense your body's residual tension..."what do I really want?" What is my body telling me? What is it that you want right now? What is this tension telling me that I've been wanting? I've seen this ease the pain in people because for the first time they can remember, they're asking the truth to let itself be known. They've repressed truth, denied it, avoided it, and buried it in their body. Now, in quieting their mind, they're allowing for truth to rise to awareness.

You want to be loved, cared for, feel relevant, and safe. Everyone wants these things--but beyond those things, what is it that you really want? Until you can answer that your mind will be somewhat conflicted. Until you open up to the truth inside of, the suffering continues. It's the separation from the truth that creates suffering, and one way to separate from truth is to deny its very existence in you.

Fear is the destroyer, the denier, the antagonist. Hate is not the opposite of love, fear is the opposite of love. When you can find something that you love more than your own life, the obsession on your body fades. As long as people suffer they will feel disconnected, and vice versa. This is why people often frequent pain forums, to feel connected, to be heard, to not feel alone. In every person I've consulted with, there is a latent loneliness in them, even the famous folks.

Pain comes from not being connected to others and to yourself, since there's no difference between the two. People will often tell me that their pain greatly reduced when I answered their email, or during a talk, or after reading Dr. Sarno's book. These things all connected with the person, and they began to heal. Andrew Weil even said that two of his back pain patients healed after falling in love.

So, love is the antidote to fear. Find something you love deeply in vocation, to feel valued, and find love in another being to feel connected. Find the truth in them and share it. Truth is love. If you can't quite see how truth equals love, then look at it this way: truth = repeatability.

If something is true it happens over and over. It's always there for us, nothing real can ever be destroyed.

It's also important to know that the "desire of want" causes all tension in life. Tension is the difference between what you are wanting vs. what you are currently getting. So what do you want? Do you want the truth? Don't be afraid of it, it will free you from yourself.

Be well,
Steve