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Jules, you said you went overboard in healing but I don't remember you ever contacting me, I'm sorry. But you just confirmed many things I've written and lectured on.

You can "do" all you want and it will not change until you understand deeper. Therapy is ok but worthless at times and programs more often short term fixes. Andrew has the right idea here.

The pain skews our clarity and obfuscates our desires and shortens our patience which is why compassion builds the bridge to peace. Your "trying to heal" is your biggest mistake, I have that listed as the #1 mistake on my website which I'm sure you saw. Suffering does not mean one is ready to heal, it means they are not ready. I just talked about this on my FB page, Lao Tzu wrote in verse 71 of the Tao, "if one is sick of sickness then one is not sick...the sage is sick of sickness therefore the sage is not sick."

I'm asking you to relax and breathe, your time is near but you have to see through clear lenses and then you will be able to adjust. Trying to get to 100% insures you will never get there, a flower cannot be forced open. All you can do is set up your environment and then let it happen. It does not "happen" it already is. This is why healing is not a destination, if you see it as a thing to "get to" then you project it outward and it never happens.