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Yes.

I'm really sorry, my dear, and believe me that my heart absolutely breaks for every victim of childhood abuse, an abuse of trust and responsibility that is beyond my comprehension.

Nevertheless, I must be brutally honest when I say that your refusal to obtain a medical evaluation out of fear is not going to lead to recovery, because you're still giving all of your power away to other people. This is a sign of victimhood and it seems to me that you are holding on to your victimhood for dear life.

After doing this work here for coming up on thirteen years, I have seen proof that true recovery can not take place where victimhood is a controlling factor.

Recovery requires accepting the truth about reality. It is possible to make yourself physiologically ill from stress. I am proof of that fact, because after 9 years of TMS success I contracted rheumatoid arthritis during a surprisingly short period of unrelenting stress at the beginning of the 2020 pandemic. I was 69, which is more than 20 years older than the typical person when they develop RA. I probably waited a month longer than I should have to see my own doctor, who took one look at some basic blood tests and immediately hustled me off to Rheumatology for more tests and confirmation. I consulted with David Schecter MD, a well known TMS doc, who said I could certainly assume that stress was the cause, but that I had to take the medication or risk future damage.

Does it suck? Of course! Is it the end of the world? I decided it wasn't. That is all. Because that is life. I also gave in to my doc a few years ago and agreed to take high blood pressure medication because I was unable to control my blood pressure on my own, and I decided I didn't want to mess around with the possible consequences. Also, my younger siblings had already been on it for a number of years and my dad had been on it in his early sixties.

Again, this is life. It's also a fact of life these days given that we've already used modern medicine to extend our lives far beyond what nature designed! So, you know, why not take advantage? I'd like to think that if the world weren't so f*ing dysfunctional during the last eight years or so that maybe my blood pressure would be lower on its own, but the first is not true, and the second ain't happening.

So, dear Diana, where does this leave you? Go find a doctor. Try to find one who understands that stress affects health in every way possible (although any doctor who doesn't accept this as fact by now should not be practicing. You need one who really knows it). State up front that you have a lot of health issues and that you fear finding out there is something wrong, and that you would be ecstatic to be told that there's nothing wrong apart from obvious stress and anxiety.

FWIW, I was told this many times in the decades before I turned 60, and each time I was thrilled, and each time the symptom I had gone in with would disappear. I could see this, but of course I didn't understand it until I discovered Dr Sarno in 2011. This could happen for you too, if you just do the one thing right now which is like an albatross around your neck, totally weighing you down with fear. Just do it!

~Jan