20 yrs and still in extreme discomfort

I am trying to stay as active as possible to avoid some of the sadness with the holiday season. I always loved Christmas but now it is just my son and I and I feel so broken for him as people his age are enjoying their families and no visitors will come as they have their own to celebrate with. My depression is getting worse and I have to fight it I know. As most of know that feeling down makes the discomfort worse. it is a time for me where I am feeling overwhelmed getting gifts out in the mail from my son to people and also mine. I did most of my gifting online as it's so hard to get out and then when I'm out I am doing things feverishly to be able to get home and lessen my worries about my son. I know a solution to getting out peacefully is to hire someone to with him but my problem is our dogs that constanly bark and no one would last believe me. I try to meditate, journal , even then I am rushing to get finished because something else needs to be done, or my son needs something. I am just venting and wishing the Holidays over. Terrible way to feel, I know. Nancy

 

Nancy, I hope you will be able to find someone to help at some point. I have cleaners in from a gov. subsidized agency, it's the only place I can afford; the ladies working there also have pretty much no choice about where to work I think. It's been pretty awful, I have been through 8 so far, they are at war with their clients before they even walk in the door, let me know they are only there for the money, etc .( This is despite me bending over backwards to be kind, understanding, etc, in case anyone was wondering). Over time I have been able to make a good relationship with one of them, the current one.
You may be able to work out some kind of situation, find the right person, etc. I hope so for you.
Depressions get worse in winter, especially around the holidays...
Trying to meditate is meditating, and even rushed journaling is ok...you are doing these things. Hang in there...

 

Just a few thoughts here after reading your post & the responses you have received. Please know that I’m very sorry to hear about all that you have been through & are going through right now. Being a caregiver is so stressful both emotionally & physically.

Do you believe you have TMS? If so then you must know that Sarno talks about repressed rage & how important it is to acknowledge this.

With regards to your feelings you have not broached the emotions of anger. Can you feel your rage or anger or resentment at someone or at a situation? Have you journalled about those feelings?

The situation you had on the plane is very interesting. I love air travel, the longer the better. I get on the plane, get my glass of champagne & then switch off completely. It's the only place where I feel I have NO control whatsoever & it’s liberating. Maybe those few hours of being in a situation where there was absolutely nothing you could do except focus on yourself, on your own is key to understanding why you did not have any pain then.

Some here have suggested yoga, Tai Chi etc. but whatever it is that you choose it should be enjoyable & something that makes you feel like those few hours you had on the plane. It should not feel like hard work or something forced.

A friend of mine is carer for her husband. He has Alzheimer's & is immobile. Its very hard work.To keep sane she goes a few times a year on short trips & puts him in a care facility. Over time she has gotten to know the staff there, built a rapport with them & always brings back little souvenirs for them when she returns. So far it's working Ok.

Amidst everything that is happening, I hope you can create some moments of joy & devote some time & energy on yourself.

Wishing you the best

Mala