A VERY Short Intro to "Parts"

Thanks, Walt.

 

Hi everyone. I could certainly benefit from this. I believe that, in my case, this has been my problem all my life, trying to reconcile my different "parts" or as I call them, local selves. I am trying to let my "higher self" rule, but when my bad parts really get going, I tend to become identified with them and I act in ways that are not in my own best interest.

Recently, on one of my support forums for osteoporosis, I got into a political discussion that I never should been in. And my higher self told me this was only going to lead to problems. I ignored my higher self and temporarily let one of my nasty parts take over by making sarcastic remarks. Something in me was really pissed off about what some people had to say. It is these parts of me that I need to recon with. My true self said just leave it alone, you can disagree, but don't cause trouble by expressing it.

Also, it is my negative, actually evil, parts that do things all the time to wreck my life. They stopped me from taking a trip recently because I just didn't want to deal with all the arguing in my mind. They thought that I was putting myself in danger by taking the trip. They have caused me to be an agoraphobic most of my life. I believe that it may be this inner conflict that causes me pain. I am quite sure that I do not have a well integrated personality.

Guy Finley's work is almost exactly like this theory, except he thinks we need to drop those parts that don't serve us. I know that my parts can never be reconciled, so some just have to go. This is what I am working on - trying to stay in my true self as much as I can. My bad parts are completely irrational and think that they are necessary for my survival. I must have developed these during my difficult childhood. I am way too much in a divided mind.

Specifically, what I am trying to do, is to realize that, when one of these parts reacts to something (it always brings trouble), the part is not reacting to any danger present in the environment, but to what is going on in my own mind. These bad parts, therefore, produce mental projections, then think these scary projections come from something outside of myself, and react negatively to their own projections. I am understanding what is happening, but am not able to catch it in real time because the emotions are so strong. It is often after the fact that I realize what has happened.

 

I don't know when or how kids now think they run the house. In a lot of houses they sure do!

I never even wanted to! I was okay with being a kid doing kid things.

 

Interesting post, chickenbone. My big problem with parts is that I will suddenly feel upset and angry w/o having the slightest idea what the problem is. In the "bad old days" it would take many hours, days, or even weeks to get out of this mood. Now, I seem to recognize the mood and deal with it with a combo of journaling and IFS. Often it is over in minutes! I am gradually learning that deep, dark mood is no big deal. Just a "part fart", to coin a phrase.

Forest suggested, earlier on this thread, that a audio q. and a. about how to do a self led IFS session would be a good idea. He means to do that soon and imbed it here, I think.

 

You've been wise for a lot of decades, Walt!

 

For me right now it's more like a scene from Night of the Living Dead.

 

I wish I could sit in on you internal family meetings. yb44. I love zombie movies. Have you seen one called Pontypool? -- it's indie and hilarious. Maybe I'll post it on the new Laughter sub forum. Good reviews at: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1226681/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
Gore warning, though.

 

I love the way you explain parts njoy. I really like to stay in self most of the time and I do see reasons for all the other parts to come out and play too. I have no need for some parts that give me those fight , flight and freeze parts. Although the fight part is a true friend that I met in a session with ifs on a Thursday night call in and the flight part has really saved me in a lot of situations even the freeze part has helped at times -- like knowing when to be quiet when something I don't understand has just happened.

I know there's a huge difference in the parts therapy and the id, ego, super ego model. For me parts therapy will go deeper and actually bring on healing to a repression that might never be examined without the ifs work. In the sense that we really don't have to go to all the content of a part as we would a memory in the Freudian style.

Thanks

 

Forest, that book sounds really good. I think I will order it from Amazon.

 

Wow, we (Forest, Karen Locke, Herbie, and njoy) had a great meeting this evening to make an audio recording meant to more clearly demonstrate what Internal Family Systems is all about. Don't know if we succeeded but we sure had fun.

Karen Locke is a member of the our IFS for TMS Mailing List and founder of the Thursday IFS call (Herbie and I have talked about our experience on Karen's call--awesome). She is an online special needs educator in Minnesota who will soon complete her training as an IFS therapist. You can visit her online at: emotionalhealingcoach.org

More soon. Forest wants the audio up on the forum next week!

 

Chickenbone- My significant other and I always used to kid each other about "ejecting the core", because it felt like we had so many parts that we didn't want to keep. We were both working on our parts, and sometimes it just seemed so hard to see any positive side to them!
However, just as IFS promised, when we looked deeply into them there was almost always a little child part that had been hurt, or scared, and so other parts were trying to protect us by avoiding taking risks, or making us feel guilty , or any number of other ways protectors do. Fortunately, we've found that if we start listening to those parts and giving ourselves what we need (e.g. more gentleness, more positive relationships, inner healing sessions) then those parts stopped seeming so bad. I don't even recall the last time we said we would "eject the core". Hang in there folks, it can get better!

 

[quote="wsdmnature, post: 23731, member: 1948"However, just as IFS promised, when we looked deeply into them there was almost always a little child part that had been hurt, or scared, and so other parts were trying to protect us by avoiding taking risks, or making us feel guilty , or any number of other ways protectors do. Fortunately, we've found that if we start listening to those parts and giving ourselves what we need (e.g. more gentleness, more positive relationships, inner healing sessions) then those parts stopped seeming so bad. I don't even recall the last time we said we would "eject the core". Hang in there folks, it can get better![/quote]

Thank you so much for saying this. I used to self-criticize for every mistake. That happens less often now which must mean I'm in Self (I like to call it "real me") more often. Caring and compassion for all living things. That's encouraging. Sometimes you slog away and wonder if real changes are possible. And they are!

I see you are new here.wsdmnature. I'd love to hear more about your IFS experience. Having your sigo on board must be great. Mine is warming up to the idea of parts but it has taken awhile.