Day 34 Anger

I had trouble reaching this site again, so it's been a couple of days.

Over the last few days I’ve really seen how my personality traits and current stress feed directly into my symptoms. When my days get too full of obligations, expectations, and musts, I push past my limits without noticing. I try to do things well for others, keep everything running, and still expect myself to stay calm and creative. That doesn’t work.

I noticed that after a very busy day, even small things can tip me over the edge. I become frustrated, angry, and tense, especially when something that was supposed to be relaxing or meaningful doesn’t work out. (fucking watercolor, looking at you) That inner pressure builds up and shows up physically as pain and agitation.

What’s becoming clearer is that it’s not the events themselves that cause my symptoms, but the way I load everything with responsibility and perfectionism. Nothing today really helps because I'm mad as hell, but I guess these days are part of the process as well.