At the end of my rope with sciatica / piriformis syndrome

Your job sounds super stressful. Maybe your body wants you to change jobs and rethink your life?

 

From my experience, finding ZERO other alternatives is usually when TMS healing begins. My thought when I see posts of people considering alternatives or not considering the ultimate solution: this person has not hit the bottom yet.
I personally was lucky with my non-TMS doctors because they were not creative enough with long, multi-part names for my symptoms to distract me with alternatives. They simply had nothing that looked remotely reasonable. Dr. Sarno was the only one who offered me something worthy of consideration. Seven years after my recovery, I still tear up at the thought that I never had a chance to thank him in person. But I still can thank my TMS doctor, Dr. Gietzen, and all others: Dr. Schubiner, Alan Gordon, Dr. Hanscom, and many more. And so I do!

 

Thanks so much to all responders! I really appreciate your wisdom and time. I will definitely be trying your suggestions.

A few follow-up comments and clarifications:

@Cactusflower, thanks for the thoughts on sleep.

That is a misquote, as I didn't write that or mean to imply it. I am continuing with Sarno and Weekes methods as the foundation of my approach.

The only fix I chased was pain meds so I could get some sleep and antibiotics for a serious infection. I did the PT evaluation to get my doctor off my back, but I am not doing the exercises and am cancelling the upcoming appointments.

Yes, I should do that. However, I did find it therapeutic to write the recent long post, sort of like journaling. It got the toxins from the past week out of my system.

Thank you @JanAtheCPA, I do.

I'm going to read this tonight.

I'm considering it. I've done it in the past for severe OCD and depression, and while it helped, it is such a time commitment and so slow.

@Diana-M, it can be at times, like this past week. It is also very rewarding to feel part of something important and bigger than myself, and something that I'm good at. I am paid well, and I leave well below my means, so I am close to being able to retire early if I want. It would be more stressful to change jobs at this time.

I wouldn't say I'm considering alternatives. I'm 97% confident that there isn't a physical issue at play. As a scientist and perfectionist, it is hard for me to be 100% confident in anything. I went to a TMS doctor from December to February, but he didn't engender full confidence. Maybe I should go to another, but there aren't any nearby.

 

Good for you! Sounds like it’s a good job for you and you’re happy —so that’s great! Something is definitely making you mad though, for your body to be so filled with TMS. I you can figure it out and I hope you feel better soon!

Here’s a good insomnia success story by @Ellen — She’s still frequently on the forum so maybe she could give you some advice. https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/recovery-from-chronic-insomnia.16653/ (Recovery from Chronic Insomnia)

 

@Diana-M, thanks, I'll check out @Ellen's post!

 

Please make the physical symptoms and work projects just a passing reference. We cannot help you there. Instead tell us about how it's going with the Sarno / Weekes approach you briefly mentioned. And, tell us about the Kevin Martillo Viner book/program.

With all due respect, you're making it hard for many of us to give suggestions here.
Your Exec. Summary and the details provided for each day do not include anything related to TMS / mindbody.

Please take another look at everything you wrote. You shared lots of surface-level detail about work stresses, but nothing deeper about the inner conflicts and turmoils--the deeper stuff that causes your brain to need to present pain symptoms as a distraction to prevent you from feeling undesirable feelings or rage or repressed trauma, etc.
You may want to just write that for yourself, and that's fine.
Just know that what you wrote could be posted on a work-stress related forum. There's some follow-up with doctors in there, but Nobody would have any idea you are struggling with TMS.

This is not the type of journaling that works for TMS-related symptoms.
Check out these excellent suggestions from Nicole Sachs on journaling:
https://www.yourbreakawake.com/journalspeak (JournalSpeak | BreakAwake by Nicole Sachs)
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I can relate to where you're at. When I was at a similar point, it was before I realized what I was dealing with in those circumstances was TMS. I was completely focused on the external stuff. (Not saying that's where you are at--but that's what this post is reminding me about.)
I wish you well. And, in a sense, am repeating back some of the good advice others gave me, advice that helped me make progress on letting my symptoms drop away completely.

 

Your confidence cannot come from outside. It is very contrary to what people with a scientific or engineering background (me included) are used to. You need to believe that it is TMS. Took me a year to arrive to that point.

 

Don't shoot the messenger, but if I were a betting woman, I'd place my money on there being at least something about your job that is making you very angry, and the "it's very rewarding" etc 'slogan' is the 'wallpaper' that you use to paper over the angry crack(s) and push down your emotions so that you don't process and physically feel them (because your TMSing brain sees them as being dangerous). What you are angry about may be something that you think that you 'shouldn't' be angry about, something possibly appearing to be quite minor in the great scheme of things, but is actually not at all minor to you.

 

@BloodMoon, I think you are right. I know that I am angry that I was forced to take on a bunch of additional responsibility this past Fall, and when the effects started to impact me at work is right when I "strained my back" while lifting weights. I am also angry that I don't feel like I'm being utilized properly or fully. I may have other less conscious anger.

 

and when you are certain about this? The Pain will go away.

I didn't come even close to 'figuring myself out' to get better...but as I got a little better by just seeing a few obvious things, my faith in the diagnosis grew, and then I looked for more things and more pain left,etc,etc.

This is a transformational program. A Battle for ground...each little piece is a part of winning the war.

 

Thank you @Baseball65.

 

You've gotten excellent advice above, so I don't have much to add. I'll just emphasize what others have told you: It is fine to take medication to get through rough patches with pain or sleep. You just have to realize it isn't treating the underlying problem, which is psychological. Keep journaling about the work issues, which is the root of your current relapse. Go deep. There are self esteem and survival issues in there that are likely related to your childhood. What's going on is scaring you. Keep engaging in activities you enjoy. Play with your dog even more. Dogs know all the answers, like how to live in the eternal now.

You've got this.

 

Thanks for the advice @Ellen! I do need to dig on those journaling issues, and my dog loves the Now!

 

Am I the only one who has been at the TMS program for 10 years or more who is a bit amazed that Alan Gordon has now distilled TMS down to “neuroplastic pain” and, according to Gordon, it is all about fear. His Pain Reprocessing technique doesn’t deal at all with repressed emotions, the “5 years-old child” rage, etc. Just fear. He teaches “somatic tracking” as the way to deal with this. I personally find that technique fairly useless as it just makes me focus on the pain. I will give him credit for helping lots of people (apparently) get rid of their chronic pain. I just don’t understand how it got simplified to that degree. And YMMV, Jan, but the planet earth has always been a pretty violent, horrible and divisive place - it didn’t just happen with the current president or immigration issue. The Romans fed Christians to wild animals….and I could go on for pages. As humans we have always had to deal with bullies, despots, dictators and….partisan politics. Just sayin. I appreciate your input and read it regularly

 

From my observations over past 10 years, there are three general paths to recovery:
1. Classic Sarno, based on Freudian idea of the inner child, repressed emotions and rage
2. More neuroscientific approach, the idea of re-wiring the brain, with one variation being somatic reprocessing. Mostly amounts to calming down an overstressed nervous system and retraining the brain out of overdrive. See Alan Gordon, Dr. Schubiner, and many others under different names and variations.
3. Brute force. Telling the pain to shut up and push through it.

For me, #1 never truly worked, so I used a combo of #2 and #3. But many people swear by #1, because it worked for them. I think most people use some mix of the three above.

 

I’m 72 years old. When I w

. I’m 72 years old. When I was 50 I was President of a building materials company with 40 lumberyards in 5 Western states. I was away from home 2 weeks out of every month. I spent countless nights sleeping in airports due to canceled flights. I had 28 direct-reports. The stress was out-of-control. I quit at age 50 and found I was interviewing with 35-40 year olds who thought I was a dinosaur. So I started selling real estate. Had you asked me at the time if I would ever sell real estate I would have told you that there was a greater chance of me becoming a lion tamer at Ringling Bros. But I moved to a small ski town with 50,000 full-time residents and found myself sitting in a cubicle in a real estate office - totally understanding Dilbert. I made $90K my first year in a new town - not knowing a soul. By year 3 I was making $200k per year and never looked back. In year 5 my wife and I opened our own real estate company and I started selling farms and ranches (8,000-20,000 acres). When I started that I didn’t know which end of a cow you feed. My point is this: You sound like you hate your job (don’t blame you) and/or it causes you more stress than anyone should have to deal with. A job doesn’t define you - it’s just a way to make enough money to support your family and allow you to do what you really like to do. There was a LOT I didn’t like about selling real estate (like being thought or below used car salesmen or lawyers) but it allowed me to do whatever I wanted and spend time with my wife, kids and now, grandkids. IMHO you need to rethink your current lifestyle while you are working the Sarno/TMS programs. Your life is a mess. And you are making your wife’s life a mess. On top of dealing with TMS issues (although mostly under control) I have been dealing with Parkinson’s Disease for 12 years. Sleep interruption is part or PD - so I haven’t slept more than 4 hours for years. And I don’t nap because that just makes it worse. So…if I were you (and I know I’m not) I would begin talking with your best friend/wife and make plans to get off the out of control merry go round and change your life. Just my 2 cents and worth every penny. I wish you the very best. I’ve been where you are. Jim

 

I just wanted to firstly validate what you said, you're not the only one who has such reflections! (more referring to the first part of what you wrote). Having done the PRT training course, there is an appreciation of the fact that other danger signals may need to be addressed (which includes fear of emotions). Is this part of it particularly visible and associated enough with PRT and somatic tracking? Perhaps not. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but @JanAtheCPA made a comment about this and maybe how it is easier to stomach for the general population which resonated with me (forgive me Jan if that was a poor paraphrasing and feel free to correct me). I am more of a Sarno purist if I can describe it like that. I also didn't use somatic tracking to heal as, like you said, I was focusing enough on my symptoms and needed to go the other way.

Feel free to message me and we can discuss it more - I am hesitant to go too far on here (and get too theoretical) as I wouldn't want to risk confusing anyone on here (especially if they are new and one path is really resonating with them) - but to an extent yes different strokes for different folks with this work .

 

@JanAtheCPA thank you very much for the insight with regards to the first part. I agree with that. If what is underlying is fear of the symptoms and little else, then it can be quite quick. I had one lady who came to me (very rare case) who confused me as she did not have the TMS personality (99% of people I speak with who have TMS, myself included, have similar personality traits). I was jealous of her calm! She seemed very comfortable in her emotions and expression; I couldn't sense any suppression. Needless to say, she recovered in 3 sessions after simply being introduced to the TMS concepts and applying them (akin to a book cure). She didn't have the emotional dysfunction operating below the surface.

Once she knew it was TMS and the body wasn't damaged, it was over and the fear dissipated. The way I look at it, the brain was sending pain purely to protect her body from what she thought was damage/an injury. Once that reasoning died, the pain was no longer needed and it turned off. For most people with TMS, however, it's a mix of that protection as well as a protection/distraction from emotions under the surface.

If the latter isn't addressed, then you may overcome specific fear around one symptom, but another one may very well pop up as the need to protect against emotions is still there. You've got to address the root. In a way, the brain wants you to react. If it's looked too much as just conditioning and programming (in my opinion), then you risk missing the point of the symptoms. They always happen for a reason initially.

 

I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head with your thoughts about Alan and how he has distilled TMS to a point that it is “easier to understand”. I had not thought about it that way. I have been very quiet on this forum in terms of posting here. But I have followed you for years and should have stated to you years ago how much your insight, experience and wisdom have helped me. Thanks for that, Jan. On another note, I have wondered, almost daily, if my Parkinson’s Disease is yet another way that TMS can attack. I think many people believe that Michael J Fox is the poster child for Parkinson’s. They don’t realize that many of us with the disease look/act nothing like Mr. Fox. We deal with what they call non-motor symptoms that includes anxiety, depression, apathy and fatigue. Many also suffer intense limb pain. So I deal with my Parkinson’s as part of my wrestling match with TMS. Sorry to write War and Peace here. And thank you again for being so generous with your time and knowledge. Jim