Bloody ups and downs

I have that same impression. I think for me, like you, the time of analyzing is passed for now and the time of doing is here. I spent almost 3 years in very deep, dark therapy and another year of journaling every single day. I think there comes a point where you’ve learned enough about yourself and about TMS for the time being, and then it’s time to just start moving in the right direction— changing habits and attitudes, and all that.

I’ve been doing OK. I’m working a lot on exercising and building my body up and focusing on doing things around the house. I still have challenges, but my hopes are soaring. I’ve been coming out of isolation and contacting relatives and old friends and reviving my relationships. That’s been feeling really good. TMS can really isolate you—but you do it to yourself. I feel more turned outward, instead of inward. Looking outward fills me with love and it keeps growing. I feel so much better. There are a lot of people in this world who would like some love. Even people I know. Or people I’ve neglected. You don’t have to have a perfect body to do that.

I feel less fixated on studying TMS, and more just back to living. I know that this TMS will pass. I’ve been spending more time with God and it’s soothing my nervous system more than anything else I’ve tried. I feel a lot of peace. For me, I’m also starting to let go and believe God can help me instead of me just helping myself with this.

I was really excited for you when you went out and took your walk at night!!! I hope you can try that again. ❤️

 

This is a great description of living your life. It sounds like you are really doing well and have a good focus on this!!

 

I always love hearing from ya!

I havent been journaling and doing therapy for that long... Still though im analytically minded so ive always been hyper aware of my actions and their outcomes so just getting the knowledge about tms and being aware of my less useful habits made the picture come together rather fast.

I was excited about that too. Ive been out a couple of more times and actually had a friend over last sunday. These last days my bowels suddenly attacked; i was wondering whether that was my tms IBS journey starting. It got worse and worse especially after eating. Then a 72h fast and after that everything was a-ok. I think my colon started acting up because of some stressors and being a little careless with watching football all day.

I'm gonna be going for a walk this evening, or so im planning at least. Ups and downs -- im sure you know the drill. My tinnitus has also been a little louder these last few days so ill just take it slow and take a little step whenever possible.

Yes to the isolation bit! The thing I'm most excited about is just my first words again after a year or so. Its so awesome that youve been able to do so much in such a short period. The sky is the limit!

I wish i was as convinced this would pass as you are. Feels like when youre that certain of yourself it kind of becomes a self fulfilling prophesy -- I dont mean that backhanded btw, i know how hard youve worked to reach this point.

Its weird cuz i havent even been doing that much better but im just... chilling. No pressure, just seeing how were gonna get moving in the right direction again. I'm still in the group chats with friends where dates are planned and whatnot. Makes me long for just one visit soo bad. I wish i could just talk with them for an hour... We'll chat again yeah? Much love

 

@Mani,
me too! I love hearing all your news, and I’m excited to cheer you on in your journey. Congratulations on your words coming! This is to be celebrated! Have you ever thought of alternatives til you get all your words back? Like maybe a chalkboard, or learn some sign language and teach it to your friends? I learned it once from a friend. It’s fun to learn.

I do spend a lot of time thinking about what my TMS symptoms are allowing me to learn. What I’ve benefited. Like, I bet you’re becoming a really good listener! (Whether you want to or not!) I am becoming more confident that I still have value aside from working (which I can’t do any more; had to retire.) And so many other things. The list is long of what I’m learning—good changes in my whole life perspective because I was basically brought to a halt. And you too. (Maybe we are the luckiest ones?)

Yay! Glad you’re still walking outside.

It doesn’t surprise me at all that your TMS brain swooped in with something new to stop you from seeing your friends. Until we can override our faulty safety mechanism, our brains will keep dishing it out.

Believing I’ll get better. Yes, I absolutely am willing it. I’m telling myself and my lizard that this show is over. It’s just a matter of time. I stopped hoping for “some” recovery— like a beggar. I’m not a beggar. I’m claiming back all of what’s mine. All my abilities. No less. Picturing it daily— all day —is increasing my faith even more. The TMS mentor who builds me in this concept the most is the Mindful Gardner. In all his videos, he always emphasizes that your symptoms will act up worse than ever as you fight your way out, and there’s no indication you are nearly done. Then, just one day; it’s all over.

I also analyzed in depth my other TMS episodes. I’ve had four other major ones in my lifetime. They all went away in about 3 years, and all I did was try to live anyway and ignore it. One of them was panic attacks, and I did use meditation for a year to alleviate that. But overall, that recovery was 3 years. so, I figure for me, it takes time.

You were asking about Claire Weekes’, Hope and Help for Your Nerves. For me the overall message was a good one for me. “This will take time!” I got this from reading it many times. I found it very comforting. It also helped me truly believe that my nervous system was wrecked. And adding adrenaline on top of it will prevent my healing. All worrying, anger and stress just has to be avoided. Pressure of any kind. It will keep you from healing. Try reading her again. For all the symptoms she mentions, just insert your symptoms. It applies universally across all TMS.

Keep up the good work, brother! I’m pulling for you!