Day 1 - 4

Hi everyone, so i started the SEP on Monday the 30th and today is my 4th day. I read Sarno's healing back pain about 2 weeks ago and have been working on myself and journalling a lot since then, but only just found this programme on Monday and jumped right in. I have been suffering lower back, and savage sciatica since October last year, was diagnosed as 2 herniated discs but after reading about TMS all the signs point to that (i do still have my doubts though and really wish i could let go of them as i dont want that to be the reason i'm not 100% pain free YET).

I can definitely see some changes, such as being able to walk with less pain and further as well, sometimes building up the courage to jog (but only for like 2 minutes because i am so un-fit atm - haven't done any vigorous exercise since about October), and when i do it hurts at first but then i can feel the pain "seeping" out, and this clearly hasn't made me worse because if it was going to...it would have by now, so i take that as a good sign. I have also been trying to be less neurotic when it comes to how i sit, sleep (no longer with a pillow) and bend.

I have been working a lot on my repressed emotions and have unlocked quite a lot of feelings, such as a HUGE feeling on inadequacy and the feeling that i am no where near as good as everybody else (in every aspect). Anger and envy towards my older sibling who seems to have everything together: friends, intelligent with a prestigious uni degree, a good job, healthy body, good looking, he's even going on holiday this summer with his best mate, (yes he is a boy btw, but the envious feelings are just as strong as if i had a pretty thin popular big sister). I also have A LOT of work to do with my body image and how i see myself inside and out, I've had these feelings all my life but developing an eating disorder when i was 16 in 2012 and even struggling today, definitely turned those feelings and thoughts up to 11. So yes i am still putting the pieces back together from that but i have come a long way and i am proud.

I hope that posting on this forum will help me feel less alone in how i feel right now, it has been the worst few months of my life and after struggling with other things in my teenage years i didn't think anything could trump that (but that is human nature of course - you don't realise what you've got till it's gone), anyway i know that i have found a safe place to share parts of myself where people will really understand what we have all gone through whether it be years or months and i hope i can also help people too.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you stuck around that long.
See you all for day 5

 

Welcome, Joey!
Congrats on the success you've had. Glad to hear you're making progress with the SEP.
I've recovered from TMS twice--once for back pain in the early '90s, and once for horrible foot pain in 2011-13. I feel like the SEP gave me my life back.
Blessings on your journey.

 

Hi, Joey. Try not to let your "inner bully" talk you into feeling you are not as good as anyone else.

I suggest you watch some of the videos on self esteem that I've found on Youtube. This one is especially good, but there are others:

 

Thank you Walt, you're right that video is excellent, i have checked out a few others and they have helped me to see that for too long i have let my inner bully make me feel less than everyone else. This is the one thing that has made me feel thankful for TMS, that i have finally opened my eyes to how i beat myself up and treat myself which also affects how i treat others. But thanks to TMS i may finally feel good about myself and life and therefore embrace my loved ones much more.

 

Thanks Gigi, I can definitely feel the effects, not just the physical pain that is beginning to diminish but also through how i am finally learning to treat my life as what it really is, an amazing and complicated experience, which i should appreciate much more than i have been doing the past few years.