Day 1

I was watching a youtube video of Ira Rashbaum and his description of TMS. He said one would receive a B if he were to believe in the TMS diagnosis. But one would receive an A if he would accept the diagnosis. I am still struggling to understand the difference between acceptance and belief. I think I have almost completely accepted the fact that I have TMS. My main concern is accepting that I can be cured – accepting that I will be one of the many to see the physical symptoms go away. I am 40 years old and I have had this pain for 20 years. It had progressively worsened over time. It is classic TMS. I had a brief stint with TMS therapy a couple years ago. I didn’t put much effort into it – but I did see some results. I had a flare up a couple months ago that has not gone away. The worst pain I have ever dealt with in my neck, shoulder, upper and mid-back, wrists, and knee. It took 6 weeks of excruciating pain before I realized, wait, this was brought on by certain events – this pain has always been brought on by specific events and emotions tied to these events – it is obviously TMS. And upon said realization, my pain lessened a good amount – from an 8 or 9 to a 2 or 3. Then it came back last week with a newfound vengeance. Now I am ready to fully commit to my recovery process from TMS. But every time I say this, there is this voice of doubt in my head. It says, even if you have TMS, the therapy will not work for you. So I guess I am at the point of acceptance that I have TMS. But I don’t fully believe that I can recover. And I know this is a major impediment to my recovery.