Day 1

Hi, my name is Mame. I have been suffering from chronic pain for a while. First, I started having infrequent migraines, but as my job and life became more stressful my migraines got worse. Sometimes they would last for days. I kept pushing myself because I am a people-pleaser and a perfectionist. I ignored my pains.

Just about ten years ago, I was going through a very stressful time at work, and my 83-year-old father went into the hospital for heart surgery. He fought to recover for two months but eventually passed away with me at his side. I returned to work and kept up my usual pace, but I started feeling a fluttering in my heart, and a knot in my chest that would not go away. I still pushed on, but a few months later it got so bad that I went to urgent care and they ran an EKG. It showed nothing abnormal in my heart. The doctor suggested it was stress. I didn’t believe him and kept up my usual pace.

Three months later I woke at 3 am and thought I was having a heart attack. I told my husband to call 911. I truly thought I was going to die. All, I could think about was that I was never going to see my husband or my son again. At the hospital they ran all the tests on my heart and gave me a stress test. Nothing wrong, turns out I had a panic attack. I took some time off and asked my GP to prescribe something to help me because I needed to work. He gave me anti-depressants and off to work I went.

I push on for a few more years and from time to time my GP would have to increase the dosage and add complementary drugs to address more stress/anxiety symptoms. My migraines got worse and my job and life continued to stress me out.

Finally, my position was eliminated at my long-time employer, but they secured a position for me with the contracting place that they were using to replace me. The contract between my old employer and my new employer was not working out, and about every three weeks my new boss would tell me that if things (completely out of my control) did not change I was going to be out of a job. This went on for three months and then my former company was purchased by another company. My position was again eliminated.

I took my time finding another job. I was terribly stressed, depressed, and feeling like a failure. I really didn’t feel up to going back to work, but I felt as if I had to. So, I found I job that sounded ideal for me. It was completely remote. It was something I enjoyed, and I thought I could make a difference for this company. Wrong, it was horrible. The position was nothing like the job description. Lots of stress and aggravation. Suddenly, I found myself becoming very uncomfortable sitting. I would get that saddle-sore feeling way to early. Next, my muscles in my legs started feeling week. After, three months I could not sit for more than five minutes without terrible pain. I was sitting on ice, then heat, then standing, stretching, anything to alleviate the pain, but it just kept getting worse.

While I was on sick leave, they eliminated my position. I was a mess. I friend of mine read Sarno’s “Eliminating Back Pain” and recommended it to me. I made sense and I was interested, but I had started taking a prescription drug for my pain and had an extreme reaction. It has taken me two years to recover from the effects of the medication and Sarno had left my mind for a while.

Jump forward another year and I started looking into TMS. I worked through “Unlearn Your Pain” and felt a little better, but I still was having trouble. Then I returned here to the TMS wiki and started the “New Program” and it started to click. I got rid of two types of pain in my body, but I am still struggling. As, I type this really long post, I am experiencing some sitting pain. I also started feeling some back pain while job-hunting. I have had various tests done and no MD has found anything physically wrong with me. I am sure this is TMS, I just need to convince my mind that it is TMS. That is why I am here. I decided to try the Structured Program to help me break through to the other side. Thanks for listening (reading). Mame.

 

Howdy and welcome...the structured education program is helpful in building that assurance in your TMS diagnosis (it's sounds like you check all of the boxes). With patience and persistence, I think you will find it helpful. It's great that you have already been able to connect some of your symptoms do various life stressors, and even better that you have already had some success calming a few symptoms. This is great evidence that you are on the right track. Remember this success if/when you have doubts, and be sure to reach out on the forum if you have questions or need any help. Good luck!

 

ssxl4000, thank you for your kind response. Recently, my therapist left the practice. This was a bit stressful for me, but it gave me the opportunity to look for someone who focuses on Mind/Body therapy. I have contacted a practitioner from the TMSwiki list and hope to set up some appointments with him soon. Keeping my fingers crossed.