New Program Day 17: Leaning in to Your Feelings

This is a great post. I found myself writing down so much of it in my journal. Avoiding conflict - People pleasing - Pulling back - Cleaning up after everyone rather than insisting they do what they should. After many years of making sure everyone is happy and taken care of, it's tough to rock the boat and force a change, but it's so necessary for me to do so. Before my injury, I could do everything for everyone, but since my injury and the onset of pain it's just not possible anymore (even though I keep trying).
Practicing bringing up things that are important to me, and bother me, even if others don't like to hear it, needs to happen more. That's my goal moving forward. The situation has to change because I can't continue to live like this - to my own detriment.

 

This feels like a really important post. The comments people have made are great, too. I've been taking time off--after 2nd injury I finally got clearance to get a regenerative injection, and so I've got at least one foot in the structural-pain world. The other foot is still in the neuroplastic-pain world, and I'm starting to recognize the signs. Also, weirdly, if my feet hurt, I ice my low back and the hurt diminishes. I have no idea whether that's structural or neuroplastic, and sometimes I need to decide that I don't care. I do have some more healing in front of me.

I am getting better at telling people when something bothers me. I still don't have it perfect, but it's starting. The other thing I've been able to do is to reach out to friends I haven't seen in a while. I am SO isolated, and I'm the only one who can change that. It's not easy.

I loved Bart's experience up there on the roof, and Lisa's explanation--hunting around in my heart, honestly, for what I might have done or said . . . and also hunting around for what might be bothering me.

I started reading The Body Keeps the Score and am taking it slow through that. Very powerful book. Thanks very much for this forum, even if it's not heavily used now. I find it really helpful.