New Program Day 3: Identifying the Source

It seems crazy but the childhood stuff is so real. I believe all of my pain was due to childhood trauma (which I did not know I had until years of therapy!) What I've learned is that despite not remember most of the trauma--the body tells the truth. If you have chronic pain for many years, it probably came from trauma before you could put words to your experience.

 

I can look back now at all the weird pain issues I've had for years now. It became very apparent to me this past year that the pain I was experiencing, which moved around and is so unpredictable, was not normal. I knew, even before research TMS, that my mind was causing some of it. The fear of pain had paralyzed me. As I was recovering from knee surgery, I had such terrible fear of reinsuring and not being able to run that any odd sensation would freak me out. I'm grateful that the information I have be devouring voraciously has lifted some of the fear and enabled me to start resuming my physical activity.

I love running and have been doing it more than 35 years. I've run many marathons and half marathons. I couldn't understand how I got to this point. I kept looking back to the woman I was last year and now and asking myself what happened. I could believe that the pain had me beat, even though I was able to handle the pain of marathon training for decades.

I'm a believer. Yet, sometimes the pain and nighttime tremors sometimes get the upper hand. I am improving as I immerse myself in all the literature, stories and anything else I can get my hands on about trauma and TMS.

So, thank you.

 

Alan,

I’ve asked this on FB TMS groups and gotten some good answers but this seems like a good place to ask....is it common for neural pathways to also be other symptoms that are not necessarily pain? I have those too....but also have some chronic (but miserable and scary) non pain symptoms.

 

Just taking this all in I’m going slowly and enjoying the process. Thank you everyone for all the input and discussion.

 

Oh anxiety.
My anxiety has a louder voice than ever: there is truly something wrong with me. Concussion. Emotional incontinence. Fast anger and irritability, pain comes and goes from my shoulder.
And...when the pain is gone I almost miss it, like an old friend.
I am getting the feeling it’s a bit of an addiction to suffering. I am so tired of I hurt, me, me, my pain. I and me and my. Just like Buddha said.

 

Can anyone help I'm having a really tough situation here. I have had my scafoid fracture for 15 years I found out a few months ago on an MRI but recently my wrist flared up and it was very swollen but Its been 2 weeks and I ended up icing it and it was getting better a lot than for some reason it's getting worse I feel helpless and I also do for surgery but it's not going to be for a while especially with covid -19. My question is that it feels like it's not getting much better it was for the first week then I think TMS is now suppressing the healing it throbs when it shouldn't. Like I feel like I'm making it way worse than it is. I am getting depressed from all the pain and wish I knew if it was TMS making it feel worse. I used to suffer severe knee pain after surgery I think my body is over exaggerating the pain paralyzing me.

if this is TMS this would be the 3rd-4th time I got it

 

Hi there, I’m someone who has been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my adult life.

I’d finally started to get it all under control but now have tinnitus after an accident a few months ago, which has made the anxiety even worse and would like to try and understand what is going on and whether it might be TMS.

I’ve been to the hospital and had a CT scan which came back normal and have also had micro suction in my ear which was definitely needed as I have a kink in my ear canal which makes it more susceptible to blockage (apparently).

The next step will be to have an MRI to rule out anything wrong inside my ear, but after that I’ve exhausted all of the common diagnosis options.

My friend sent me the link to this website and after reading all of the comments over the past 3 days I feel like it might be TMS (I think I answered Yes to most of Alan’s questions in this section).

When I try and think about everything else that was happening at the time I hit my head there were a lot of stressful things going on. Lockdown had just started and my job is crucial to a lot of people so even though I didn’t physically feel stressed there was a certain amount of pressure that I’d put upon myself to make sure that things were running smoothly.

Anyway, apologies if this isn’t the section for an intro, but I’m very much hopeful and looking forward to progressing through this course and maybe learning something about myself along the way

 

Hi Nemo, I hope you are finding the support you need from the TMS community. If you haven't done so already I encourage you to go to TMSWIKI and find one of the forums to start posting it will probably reach a broader audience than here. It's good that you are seeing a doctor to rule out anything serious. I have excruciating foot and vulvar pain, have to pretty much lie down all the time but developed very mild tinnitus a few months ago. For me I can only assume its TMS as it seems these symptoms pile one on top of the other.

 

Thanks everyone for your comments. I’ve been on this journey a long time. It’s kinda lonely so love the encouragement. I find it hard to get my head right when my life is so far from what l would like it to be or what it was before the symptoms. I feel the losses so much l find it difficult to remain constant. Believing the programme will help an encourage me.

 

I find it very difficult to get rid of non psychical pain. I suffer From asthma, allergies, and ulcerative colitis. I also have problem with physical pain as well but that is so much easier to get rid of. Hope you have been successful in your journey!

 

Beside back pain and IBS I have oesophageal reflux. (Dr. Sarno "The Diveded Mind").
I think, all 3 symptoms are TMS.
The oesophageal reflux has made an inflammation in my throat. So now there is something structural. How can I feel safe with this inflammation? I have pain in my throat and I fear, the inflammation will increase.
How to deal with this condition?

 

Hi there, I’m just replying here because I also have had some reflux problems — the symptom was finding it hard to swallow, so naturally I was very scared – and even more so when the doctor sent me for a fast-track hospital appointment (ie suggesting this was something urgent and life-threatening) ! I spent a few days in terror. I am more or less fine, however. It doesn’t bother me now and it was never dangerous. I would suggest that if you haven’t already seen a doctor, do so: have them look at the inflammation and assess whether it is serious or fairly mild. This is part of treating yourself with self compassion – take the steps you need to do to look after yourself properly, Just like you would with someone else. If you can see a throat specialist, so much the better. Even though I was extremely scared about seeing the doctor, once I was able to see a specialist who actually looked at my throat through a laryngoscope (?) his response was incredibly reassuring: he was able to actually see that even though the symptoms seemed alarming to me, the inflammation was very mild. He prescribed the stomach settling medication Gaviscon, which feels nice to take in the evening (mine was/is so-called ‘silent reflux’, meaning you are unaware of it at the time — though since then I have become more sensitive and in touch with my digestion and I now can sense what’s going on). He also suggested some habit and dietary changes - very simple things: don’t eat chocolate late in the evening, for instance! not a big deal... I was also sent for a barium x ray investigation to see if my stomach valve was working properly. But don’t let this scare you. Despite the hospital appointments and uncertainty, and the alarming feeling of something “going wrong” inside me, there was nothing seriously wrong.
Our digestive systems are very responsive to our moods, our upsets and difficulties in life, and doctors and most people will acknowledge this openly. Your inflammation and reflux can both be treated physically to make you feel more comfortable.
At risk of being repetitive, I think of this as self-compassion in action: my throat is sore and I feel it is a sign of danger : ok, so I look after my throat, I don’t want it to be sore; at the same time, I know this is to do with my emotional life, stress, difficulty — so I am looking after my physical body, treating it with care, and at the same time keeping in mind that my body is showing signs of mental stress and that is also something to take care of, though that might take a little more time.
Your bodily systems are letting you know that you and they are under stress — you can show your body you are listening, by the way you take care of yourself.
I hope that makes sense and I’ve not gone off on a crazy direction with my own story — just something resonated with me when you asked “how can I feel safe” ...

 

Hi Sandpiper, thank you very much for your post!!! You helped me to better understand my situation .

In my case it is also silent reflux. It startet in January, when I broke my hip joint.
I was at home and made a lot of telephone conversations. So I thought, this gave me a sore throat. But now I know - it was the stress of my accident.
My family doctor prescribed Omepracol to decrease the production of acid in the stomach. It did not help much.
Later on I was twice at a specialist which looked at my throat through a laryngoscope.
Last time he told me that it is now a mild inflammation.
But no doctor told me that it could be a psychogenic disorder.
3 days ago I read in Dr. Sarno's book, that it is a TMS condition. Furthermore I found information in the internet, that Omepracol and similar medication do not help for silent reflux. It is the pepsin, which makes the damage in the throat. They advice a dietary approach.

So now i startet to drop Omepracol gradually (it has some rebound effect) and made some dietary changes. But so far I was missing, what I could do when the pain gets worse.
Thanks to your post I will buy Gaviscon. I think it will help me. And so I am feeling now more safe. Thank you again!

Additionelly I do autogenic training, which helps me to calm down.

 

glad it helped!
I’m also glad you saw a doctor. If they say it’s mild, then it’s mild. Of course if it hurts then that is hard to be with.
just to be clear but I’m sure you realise, gaviscon just settles your stomach. I think my doctor also prescribed omeprazole but I didn’t take it. So as I understand things, it treats the symptom. For me, my upset stomach was the symptom, and the cause was what was going on in my life.
Just another thing: I don’t think you’ll find many doctors prepared to say things definitely have a psychological “cause”, but I’ve found that when I bring up the idea, about non-serious problems like reflux, or not-too-bad back pain, they often will informally acknowledge that things are “related to” stress, or “exacerbated “ by stress.
Anyway good luck and you sound like you know what you are doing. I just offer my experience

 

I mentioned my own skepticism about TMS to Dr. John Stracks, and he replied, "It doesn't matter, because it's not belief based. It's science based." That one sentence has been like gold to me!

 

I am 80% sure that my pain is TMS due to the severe amount of fear I have around my pain/headaches. But this is where my case differs... I see so many people with back pain on here but not as many for migraines/headaches which is what I am battling so my belief in my TMS is lower as I have less examples of people overcoming their pain as to back pain. Can I still do it?

 

Once you get into TMS work and begin connecting with others you will learn that TMS can be a cause for virtually any malady for which the structural has been ruled out. It might be helpful to go to the home page, scroll down and click on success stories, and then click on headaches to read success stories from headache sufferers. There are also some good Facebook groups where you can post and ask others who also suffer from headaches what has helped them TMS wise and how they overcome came doubts. One is Tell Me About Your Pain. Good luck in your journey!

 

Hi !
If you had an mri done, you can be very very sure that migraines are kind of tms. What else it could be? Besides, it is more common, at least in my society, that headaches and migraines are kind of phycological triggered.
I have headaches frequently, and I know it happens after some pressure. I take a simple painkiller or rest or don't bother. Some walking in nature of outdoors it would help too.
Keep going and don't get obsessed with this !

 

I see this post and comments are rather old now. I am beginning my recovery journey from chronic pain and consuming all resources, including Alan's book The Way Out. I have also had an appointment with Dr Fanestil (we are in the same city fortunately) and am currently taking an in-person course with him on this mind/body/chronic pain topic. And reading this forum.
I have had chronic neck and back pain most of my adult life. For several reasons and based on this assessment I can say with 100% certainty that my pain is chronic/mental and not structural.

(Chronic mental pain evidence: 1) Pain has shifted over the years. It moves around. For ten years it was my neck. Then my back, then both. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. 2) There was never any accident or obvious cause. The stabbing neck pain began spontaneously in my 20's, when we are technically at our physical prime. I have always been otherwise healthy and athletic. 3) In the beginning of 2023, my left elbow started aching. No reason. No repetitive strains. I ignored it, but a couple months later I went through a stressful prolonged experience, and the pain amplified dramatically to acute pain. Really, really bad pain in my left elbow. A couple months after that, my right elbow developed the same pain. So now, both arms. It has persisted ever since (now Oct 2023). Very weird. 4) I was resigned to my fate until a few months ago a friend pointed me to a Youtube video of a presentation by Dr. Fanestil on this topic. A light bulb went on. Within that span of one hour, listening and learning about this topic, all the pain in my lower back vanished in an instant. It was mind boggling. While I was watching the video. Pain vanishes completely. It has since remerged, but that moment sent me on this path. 5) I suffer from depression and anxiety my whole life, so the pain resulting from chronic stress is not hard to believe. )

For the last few days I have been doing the somatic tracking, and trying to reframe my relationship to the pain. I understand the concepts. I believe them. I am convinced the chronic pain is all mental. I no longer fear the pain. I observe it.

However, I still have a fear. My fear is that even with this cognitive reframing, self educating, and full blown realization that my pain is mental - that I will still not improve. Obviously it will take time, but I am a skeptical individual in general. Maybe my subconscious is also skeptical. I do not believe in the supernatural. I cannot be hypnotized. At a subconscious level, what if I cannot change?

Although I no longer fear my pain, I still have a fear of not healing my pain. What happens if you go through this whole reframing process for months and months, or a year, and nothing improves? What is next?