DAY 3 PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Te last time i did physical activity was yesterday. Training is the biggest thing in my life and the programme says to resume ur physical activity. I did some pull ups and skipping. Physially everthing went alright but i moved slow and was very wary of my back when i was doing things that i would usually associate with pain. Emptionally I felt mgood, as i always do after training but again I was still thinking that i was able to do the training because of the very controlled and safe enviroment i had created for myself.

 

It's good to do your physical activity in a controlled and safe environment.
You're doing great. The more you exercise, the stronger you will feel and the less you will think about pain
or hurting your self more. Keep up the good work!

 

Hi Angeleyez-

I have been struggling with the when to workout and how much question too. Olympic lifting and powerlifting are my how I find my greatest joy and I am so excited to return to them. I have gotten back in the gym carefully because I am still having some nerve pain - sciatica and my brain is protecting my hamstring and calf for reasons that can only be attributed to TMS.

I have been reading Healing Back Pain and Sarno recommends getting back into vigorous activity after the pain has subsided. So now I feel better about the fact that I have been waiting. I don't have pain in my upper body or my back. So I am have been doing trunk stability work and upper body work. I am also doing single leg work and getting all my muscles fired again.

I do find it a bit confusing because the literature keeps suggesting to resume regular physical activity but also not to work with PT. Maybe it is because my PT is different. We talk about all the emotions I have been suppressing and we are doing exercises I enjoy. And in all honesty, I have lost some motor control and I need to remind my body to do because when I get back to 100% and I take 215 pounds, put it on my back and squat! I take that same weight and pick it up off the floor. I take 80 pounds and throw it over my head and jump down under it... and I am not a big girl!!!

I understand that the nerve pain and therefore the motor control come from me suppressing resentment, anger, hurt, shame, and grief. Habitually, I will do anything to create homeostasis. On top of that I have been absolutely denying that I have PTSD and I have been hiding the increasingly bad symptoms from everyone including my therapist. I am no longer doing this.

 

To thine own self be true. Not to the therapist.

Lifting 80 pounds is fantastic. Some people can't lift an empty can of beer over their head.

Keep positive, let those negative emotions out of your subconscious, FORGIVE, and LAUGH.

 

Thanks for the reply Quadzillaa dn the advice, im only starting of in the programme so it is really hard for me to comprehend that I could actually do Jiu Jitsu again but im gonna keep going

 

I am just starting too. I find it pretty damn scary but I have been digging deep in the feelings department and doing amazing work. I have uncovered some really big feelings I have been suppressing. With each day of emotional progress my sciatica subsides.

Just an observation based off my own experience but I know a lot of powerlifters and a lot of BJJ/MMA folks. All of us, very kind people who know how to turn on the aggression and then theoretically how to turn it off when we are off the platform and the mat. But in my case, I wasn't turning off the aggression, I was just squashing it down until the next time I lifted or got on my own (karate) mat. Now that I am taking a lot of time to quietly tap into my feelings I am unmasking all sorts of stuff and actually dealing with it. When you tap into it for sport you are using it, maybe releasing some of it, but not addressing it.

I also know athletes who have addressed the raw emotions and they are even better competitors for it. They are tapping into a positive competitive energy and the natural strength and agility of the human body.

You will get back on the mat and it will be amazing!!! I am off to the gym to do some modified weightlifting (I know Sarno would advocate for me to just jump right in but one thing I am learning to listen to my own authentic self and what feels right for me is to get back into it slowly.) I am not afraid I will not lift again. I will be lifting by November 11/24. I went from no sports to competitive lifter and karate at 35 years old. One year. No one is taking that away from me. I just feel like I need to get back to it at my own pace. One day at a time. Let's keep touching base with each other. We started the program at the same time and we both have an intense love of a pretty aggressive sport.

Keep on keeping on.

 

It's amazing what repressed emotions we discover even after months or years.
I thought I had discovered all of mine two years ago that led to healing my back pain.
Yesterday I thought of another "biggie."

When I was a young teenager, my father brought home an adorable puppy.
I thought it was for me, but he said it was for my cousin who was having a birthday.
I pleaded with Dad to let me keep the puppy but he said no and gave it to my cousin.
I asked my cousin years later how he liked the puppy and he said he didn't remember getting one.
I think his parents didn't want it so they gave it to a shelter.

I probably repressed my feelings about not getting that puppy. Maybe subconsciously
it was the reason I got a dog years later when I began working at home as a writer.
I've had 3 dogs over the years and they have been a constant joy.

I forgive my father now because I realize how much work it takes to raise a dog,
and we lived in an apartment so it would have been impossible.

So we discover repressed emotions all the time and they can help heal us.

 

Yeah ok, good idea to keep in touch as we progress. I think my problom might have a differant slant but im not sure. I dont know if its stuff in my past as much as my present. You see ive just moved back home to ireland a few months ago and for the past few months my back has been worse then ever and when i think back over the years ive noticed that at 2 differant times i spent 6 months in Thailand and 6 months in Canada, loved it and the back never even had a tweek. Also during these periods I was able to train lots of things that im usually restricted form doing. You see i hate living in ireland, always have, and im wondering if the fact that i hate but have to do it is a big factor for me?

 

Angeleyez, I bet moving back to Ireland is the problem. Ireland must hold some painful memories for you.
Returning to the Emerald Isle may have triggered something in your past. You're lucky in that you may have
narrowed down the repressed emotion(s) causing your TMS pain. Have you done any journaling about it?
It may go back to your childhood and probably does.

My image of Ireland is idyllic, from "The Quiet Man," but I'm sure it has its stresses like anywhere else.