Day 3 day 3

I last worked out tuesday. I am trying to lose weight and get back in shape for martial arts.I would like to workout more but I keep having set backs with flare ups of back pain. I feel like I put too much pressure on myself by expecting things to move so fast. I try not to but there is always this voice telling me I'm doing something wrong to hurt myself.I really Believe its TMS but this voice constantly pops into my head telling me its my fault. Wish I knew how to stop it but it comes by itself. I am trying to get the money together for a tms therapist but its hard with 4 kids.I really have to get to that point where I just don't care if its hurts anymore.

 

I should add I did a ton of bending and lifting for a kids bday party yesterday woke up feeling pretty good. Then I did some digging in the yard and house work which also involved a little bending. My back is fairly sore now and I'm trying to pay it no attention but my mind immediately goes to making myself workout tonight even though I told myself I would take a week off before starting a new program. Its like I feel like I have something to prove or I have to abuse myself.

 

Shawn,
I think some kind words to yourself and try to give yourself some tender loving care. What can you do to be kind and loving
to yourself? It can be something very simple like watch a funny movie or take a walk alone.

I always try to challenge the voice that tells me if I do this it might hurt your back. I then say, "Oh, no these symptoms
are not due to a physical cause but it is because then I list all the stress related reasons and things from my childhood
that were negative and things in my personality like being a perfectionist, being critical with myself... Before I say
the list I say the reason I have these symptoms is not because of physical pain but because I don't want to think about
and I go through the list of things that are troublesome to me. I do this at least once an hour.
And when I have a flare up I just keep repeating it. This keeps my mind
not on the pain but what I am saying and often the pain subsides. I not sure this will work for you but it has been
very helpful and empowering to me. I think what you do the important thing is to be consistent whatever you choose to do.

In the beginning, I would entertain negative thoughts and the pain would increase. It took me a long time to
accept the TMS diagnosis without a shadow of a doubt. Now, when some negative thought comes in my mind
to try to take me off guard I start saying, " I have perfect soundness in my body or I start saying what I said
in the second paragraph of this post."

It is like training yourself to understand the pain is from underlying issues and not from anything structurally wrong.
It sure is not easy though when the pain rages and wants to have a voice in your life.

I am the kind that when I can I like to challenge the pain. For instance, I may have a little pain while I am driving
to the gym. Months ago this would stop me from going. Now I go (unless the pain is severe) and do my workout
and talk to my brain or ignore the pain. I am so thankful when the pain leaves. It seems I can get the pain to
leave when I am exercising or sleeping or sitting and am now working on getting the pain to go when I stand and
walk. I do not exercise though if the pain is severe.

I highly recommend taking a look at Steve O's book, Pain Deception, or Fred Amir's book Rapid Recovery
from Back and Neck Pain. These books really encouraged me but there are many great books out there.

You are surely going to get to the other side of this. Keep posting because you will get all the encouragement
you need from this wonderful site.
G.R.

 

Thanks for the support. I am working hard on talking to myself differently and getting better in touch with my emotions. Its hard to admit to myself but I have pretty much closed myself up to all emotions over the years like a robot. I will give your suggestions a try.

 

Shawn, I'm fairly new to this too. I'm on day 20 of the SEP. Keep sticking with you....it is so very helpful. We are small businesses owners and have 3 kids at home still so I can empathize with budget constraints of getting therapy. But I am finding that "being my own therapist" (with lots of help from this forum) is working out very well. As a matter of fact, after years of seeking medical help, it is probably a better route for me at this point in time. I'm not discouraging you from getting extra help if you need; I just wanted to encourage you on how much help is available here for no charge.
And yes...JOURNAL! My beloved hubby has a hard time expressing his emotions via journalling but he is finding it to be very helpful in identifying anxiety/worry triggers.
Hang in there!

 

Shawn. I also agree with Montana. If you can't do therapy now, there is journaling, lots of wonderful posts, articles, and videos on this site and
also many wonderful books probably at your library. I am also my own therapist for now but I do feel like I am getting glimpses in some
of the underlying issues to some of these crazy symptoms; like both my children in college.

So, please don't be discourage about not having a therapist right now. You may find that you will have great success with journaling and
on this wonderful site.

Stay Encouraged and Enjoy Your Family,
G.R.

 

I am seeing progress already. Through the exercices daily I have uncovered things about myself that I had completely forgotten like after losing my father at a very young age I never allowed myself to cry. I would not allow myself to feel such unmanly emotion and I have been that way since. No emotion should be shown is what I was taught and I think I took it one step further to no emotion should even be felt inside myself. I have decided to be smarter and slower with my exercise. I really get it now that I need to show some compassion for myself. Thanks for the support, its finally nice to actually relate to people who go through the same things.

 

Shawn, BRAVO for you! It takes great courage to work through emotional issues. I can appreciate the effort it is taking because my husband upbringing sounds similar to yours.
An extra bonus for doing this hard work...we get to model a better way for our kids.
Keep up the great work!

 

This is some great advice you've gotten so far Shawn S
You are really making it happen now, enjoy yourself
let the good times roll, be happy just cause
and never take life too serious,
Keep us updated

Bless you