Day 4; doctor's reaction

Oh boy all of the different things I have been told by doctors....there have been countless moments throughout the past ten years that I have been brought to tears by what doctors have told me about my pain.

One instance that comes to mind is when one of the times I was working with a chiropractor and he told me that I would "be this way forever". I looked at him in disbelief and even asked him if he was being serious. and he was. I was stunned. What the actual fuck? I was only like 24 at the time. Was working as a farm hand on an organic farm down the road. I was so strong and healthy and this man was telling me that my pain was going to be forever????? HOW????? I ended up quitting soon after because I just couldn't keep working with someone who really thought that I was going to be this way for the rest of my life. Give my money to who???? no way.

Another time I was left in disbelief was when I was being looked at by a doctor who ( I can't remember if he was just a general practitioner or an actual back doctor) but at 24 years old this man had the audacity to IMMEDIATELY suggest back surgery to me. I was like SAY WHAT?! i told that man straight to his face that I thought he was not doing his job well if that was what he really was suggesting. Again, I am healthy, I am active, I am STRONG, and this man was acting like I had no other options. get the freak out of here my guy.

So many others have told me so many other kooky things about my body. It's always different, its always inevitable, its always so weird that their treatment isn't helping.

 

It is very frustrating. I understand this. I found the most frustrating to be the “I don’t know.” I would ask “what can I do for…..” and “how can I get rid of…” and so many times it was “I don’t know” from the doctors. Looking back, I honestly don’t think I ever received any helpful, life changing advice from a doctor in regards to pain at all. I had to figure it out on my own, and not knowing anything about TMS at the time, the pain would shift when my stress and anxiety would shift. And then of course the anxiety would come, and the physical would come back in a different location - all TMS but I was not aware of that at the time. Now I can see it all.

Good for you for not believing in what they told you and for believing in what you knew to be true to your body. That is a great starting point because it is so easy to give our power away. But it sounds like you had it in you to trust what you knew your body was capable of. And that alone is a major step to healing.

 

Oh yes I definitely can relate to this! it has felt so frustrating for years wondering, why am I the only person these doctors have ever seen with this problem? how do they not know whats happening to me? it was honestly terrifying sometimes because it was just so crazy that I of all people had this problem that had no solution. Now, on this new journey delving deeper into TMS I am already discovering how afraid of my body I am. Hoping to work day by day to change that mindset and get back into a body I trust!

 

Yes this has been the hardest part for me too- trusting my body and also not needing reassurance or approval or confirmation from doctors. I am therapy for it and am also working through the Structured Educational Program here hoping to change my beliefs. One day at a time. You are not alone.

 

I was just wondering what some of you folks might think of this? Do any of you believe that a Dr would do surgery just for the money? I put that as simple as I could. no fancy words, no accusels, just wondering what some of you may think. If I took every Dr's suggestion that I have seen I would be sewn together like a doll. My surgery was just as Covid was slowing down. Dr's were hurting financially...Hmmm? again no accusations but medicine has changed drastically in my opinion. I have had so many diag it would make you head spin over 20 yrs.

 

I don’t necessarily believe that they just do it for money. Doctors are well trained in what they do and believe in what they do. If you see a surgeon, they will suggest surgery regardless if there are other options- just like if you took your car to a mechanic, they will find something to fix. The surgeon isn’t trying to profit from you- I believe- I do believe they have good intentions- but that is what they do and that is how they “fix” people. Combine that with our (general) view that “doctors are always right” and “listen to the doctor, they are the professionals “ etc - all those beliefs we are taught and never questioned before- then a doctor recommends a surgeon, you listen because we are taught to never question the doctors, and the surgeon says he can fix it with surgery (regardless of any other options- he is only focused on what he can do), and you do the surgery. I don’t think there is anything malicious about it or only for his financial gain. You needed help and inquired on his “surgical services “ and he helped. It makes sense. It doesn’t usually help a person overall because there is usually so much more to the issue than a surgery alone can fix (as those with TMS know - but we also know people who we can tell have TMS, and they do not see it in themselves at all). Hope that made sense and is what you are talking about lol.

 

It was just a thought and certainly was not making it all inclusive in anyway. Many more great, well trained Dr's I agree. I know now that I have tms but when going from Dr to Dr I did not. It to me is just amazing how you can obtain all different diag especially after full body scans 12 mri's, ct scans etc over a 15 yr period and many different diag. That's all I was pondering on.