Day 9 - Past events reflection

For day 9 I wrote about early experiences where I learned it was safer to stay quiet and keep things to myself. Growing up with an anxious parent, I often felt that expressing my emotions would create tension, so I adapted by becoming silent and accommodating.

While journaling, I clearly noticed the connection between that early pattern and how I still respond today with pain, anxiety, self-doubt, and the feeling that my emotions are “too much” or not allowed. I also became aware of how my mind quickly shifts from feeling into analyzing, as a way to protect me from discomfort.

Recognizing this pattern didn’t feel overwhelming, it actually felt very validating. For the first time, the emotions connected to my symptoms truly made sense and allowing them to be present created a sense of relief rather than fear.

Doing this daily for only 9 days has made a tremendous amount of difference in my physical symptoms and anxiety symptoms.

I have definitely been overly critical of myself lately. I notice a lot of negative self-talk, telling myself that I shouldn’t be anxious, that I need to “just push through,” and that I’m not doing this recovery process well enough.

This self-criticism often leads me to ignore my own limits and override my needs, which then results in fatigue, increased symptoms, and more frustration with myself. I can see how constantly searching for a “better” solution or feeling like I should already be further along only reinforces stress and tension.

Becoming aware of this pattern helps me understand how self-criticism has been one of my destructive behaviors, and how learning to respond with more self-compassion is an important part of my recovery.

 

Great observations!!!

 

Thank you