Day 4 Epidurals, Core Strength, or Surgery

I have suffered from back pain on and off for about 7 years. It used to come on after strenuous activity, like throwing one of my kids up in the air, or adding more weights to a workout routine, or having to move a heavy piece of furniture. I would in intense pain for a couple of weeks, unable to sleep at night, and I would stop all activity until the pain subsided.

Eventually, the pain would come a bit more frequently, and my doctor would prescribe steroids. These were like magic little pills and my pain would disappear almost immediately.

Then the pain seemed almost constant, and the pills stopped working altogether. My wife insisted that I get images of my back. Pars Defect, slight fracture in the base of my spine, moderate to severe herniation on both sides, it was clear that I was a mess. I went to see a pain specialist (avoiding a surgeon at all costs) and the diagnosis was severe.

The doctor told me that I needed to strengthen my core and my legs. If the pain came, I needed epidurals to help alleviate the pain so that I could work out HARD. And if I didn't work out hard enough, surgery was needed. If I had pain going into my feet, surgery was needed. Pars defects were tricky and very hard to do anything about because there is a deformity and a fracture, and likely surgery would be needed.

This has stuck with me, obviously. I worried that my life would never be the same. I worried that epidurals wouldn't work. I worried that no matter how strong my core was, how was I supposed to exercise my way out of this and avoid surgery?

I have seen what happens down this path. My father is a wreck. He's disabled, depressed, needs a new knee (replaced the other one), has he'd spinal fusions, can't live his arms because of shoulder tears (needs replacement) and he lives on a very nice dose of opioids to help him with his pain. I didn't want that for my life. That couldn't be me. I had no big injuries, I was pretty fit, I at healthy, I stretched, meditate and practiced yoga. What the hell was wrong with me? Is my back just weak? Am I that messed up? Surgery felt like where I was headed, and though I went through the exercises prescribed by PT, those words from my doctor stayed with me. They're still with me, and the image of the man I would become (my dad) is VERY clear. That won't be me. Not anymore.