Fear of getting better

Does anyone experience anxiety when you make progress in your journey to getting better? Ironically, there is something about doing the inner work and becoming aware that is very scary and fear inducing. It is freeing but it is also terrifying at first. Because you are changing your state of mind and conscious perception of things, which is just a fancy way of saying change, and the brain doesn’t like change, it adheres to the familiar and known, to keeping the status quo, even if that means being in a constant state of pain and misery. So even though realizing what you are going through is TMS and that realization can be liberating and enough to eliminate the fear of the TMS, it can also produce fear now knowing that you no longer have any distractions and must now face your real life problems. And when you’re so accustomed to feeling negative feelings all the time, when you encounter a happy/positive event, it just feels so weird and unfamiliar that you become really suspicious of it. I’m starting to see things differently, and while a big part of me is excited about the new possibilities, I can definitely tell my brain just doesn’t like it and it’s producing a lot of anxiety in me.

 

Change is confusing and sometimes overwhelming, and that's ok. Just know it's for the better.

 

I highly recommend keeping a daily diary of your progress.

Seeing it in writing is powerful.

Six week into my recovery from 25 months of pain in my back, neck, shoulder, knee, and feet plus sciatica in both legs and pain and numbness in both arms and hands, suddenly I was overcome with doubts. Wouldn’t all fall apart suddenly? Would I become disabled again?

But I was keeping a daily log. I reviewed it, the steps I had taken, and the progress I had made. Doing that calmed my mind and built back my confidence in my recovery. That made it easy to keep moving forward to full recovery, including taking karate lessons.

 

I'm more afraid of staying stuck than I am of improvement

 

Great guidance! Just feeling the earthy, real experience of the journey is reassuring to the mind.

Here too I suggest you take time to become friends with these new strange feelings. Your post shows you understand the "newness" and strangely present "fear of the good." Reassure yourself and feel the goodness in your body.

What you're aware of is good, because often the defense mechanisms to feeling good are not actually seen in the moment. Often there is just a compulsive turning attention from the strange new "good feeling" right back to "what is wrong" without any awareness of this shift ---or much awareness of the positive feeling. You're describing feeling safety in agitation, negative identity, survival stuff. So, have compassion for yourself and lightly observe, be patient, enjoy when you can.