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Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Boston Redsox, May 10, 2015.

  1. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    I know it's a huge part of healing but what if I am not ready to forgive . I tried and all it feels like is resistance from my own feelings. I still need more time to be angry and express this emotion is this wrong and will it slow down my journey?
  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    I don't think Dr. Sarno said forgiveness is a necessary part of healing TMS. (Sarno experts please let me know if I am wrong.) You just need to be aware of your feelings and allow yourself to feel them. It sounds like you are doing this. Remind yourself that you are human and it is human to feel anger. Allow it, feel it, and let it go. The "let it go" part may be what you are having difficulty with, and this part could be described as forgiveness. Without this last step, our thoughts can keep the anger alive, resulting in continually feeling angry. So I think that letting go of anger, or forgiveness, is necessary for peace of mind and a good quality of life. I would suggest feeling the anger in your body and letting it pass through you. Then look closely at your thoughts that follow and see if these thoughts are stoking the embers of your anger. If so, the way to let them go is though practicing mindfulness in the present moment. Stop telling yourself the story that is stoking the flames of your anger. Get lost in the present moment--in my opinion forgiveness occurs by being present. All those grievances that are stoking your anger occurred in the past. It is over. Let it go. Be kind to yourself.
    honey badger, Mala and Tennis Tom like this.
  3. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Marco, I think Ellen has it right. For me, forgiving was very helpful. Journaling led me to
    understand my parents better and why they divorced when I was seven. It helped me to forgive them
    for feelings the divorce gave me of abandonment and insecurity.

    But Dr. Sarno wrote that just discovering the repressed emotions we keep inside ourselves is enough to heal us.
    We don't have to solve any personal problem or forgive. Ellen is so right... feel the anger, then let it go.

    As Jack Lemmon said to Joe E. Brown at the end of "Some Like it Hot": "Nobody's Perfect."
    Mala and Boston Redsox like this.
  4. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx u guys for your insight on this very helpful
    Markus likes this.
  5. Mala

    Mala Well known member

    Expressing emotions is exactly what we r supposed to do. We are after all emotional beings. Its OK to be angry & yes its hard to forgive especially if u r not ready. If u try too hard to overcome or supress the emotions it may just backfire so FEEL the emotions & recognise that they r there. And try not to attach guilt or negative connotations to it.

    However if the emotions overwhelm u or get out of control or threaten yr sense of well being & security then it becomes a problem. If that is happening then you may need to find a better way to deal with them more effectively. As far as I remember Sarno's take on this for most ppl is to recognise the emotion(s) that is causing u pain or discomfort & to do it continuously & consistently. There r a small percentage of ppl that may need a more comprehensive resolution of their problems but for most its about feeling & recognising yr emotions psychologically so that the body doesnt have to express them physically.

    Good Luck

    Last edited: May 10, 2015
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Marco,
    I concur with the above comments. Feeling like you should be forgiving is just pressuring yourself. It comes in its own time, and slowly at that!!! I understand that you seek this, partly to let your heart rest, and partly to possibly? address symptoms...Forgive yourself for not being ready to forgive right now. That's where I would start. That is a huge piece in itself, and what is most needed right now, in my opinion.
    Andy B.
  7. Boston Redsox

    Boston Redsox Well Known Member

    Thx u all for guiding me threw this confusing time in my life
    Markus likes this.
  8. honey badger

    honey badger Peer Supporter

    Thank you for this Ellen. I was just struggling with forgiveness recently and this post has really helped. I like your definition of forgiveness, letting it go, once you've felt the anger and accepted it as yet another emotion. It is a compassionate action ... allowing yourself to be free of it, once you've felt it, and focus on the present moment. If it comes back, so be it. Honor it, feel it, and stay present so you can let it move through you. That's a really great thing to keep in mind. I'm going to keep trying to do that. Thanks again.
    Lily Rose likes this.

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