Frequent Flares-medicine holding me back?

You're welcome! I really think that this could be a turning point and a breakthrough for you

This is instructive because what's happened here is that you've had an experience which has (by itself) logically eviscerated your doubt in the TMS diagnosis (at least with your back). This can sometimes happen (and is the reason for book cures), in that an event (whether in the past reflecting on it or in the present) makes no sense at all to you other than it must be TMS. In most cases, however, this doesn't happen and belief in the TMS diagnosis is something that needs to be tactically fostered over time (it certainly was for me and I didn't have a big moment like that). You may have subconsciously been expecting this same process to take place with the stomach symptoms, but as I said this is rare and I would say 95%+ of the time it is a more deliberate process (building belief).

I'm actually working with someone on an eerily similar trajectory. He had an "aha" moment (jumping in the pool with no pain) that served to completely wipe out his doubt as to whether or not his back pain is TMS (and surprise surprise due to this belief, it's now completely gone). He hasn't yet had that moment, however, with his pelvic pain, so we have worked on really emphasising his evidence list and drilling that in in order to give him confidence to move forward (that event may happen, it may not, but there's no need to wait for it). I think it's starting to click, as this week he's started to bend a lot more naturally (he's been getting on his knees to do tasks on the floor, avoiding bending altogether at the beginning) with the same pain levels as when he was avoiding doing it. That's huge progress as not only is he getting the natural movement back (which is important to send the message to the brain that nothing is wrong), but now he has clear evidence that it's really got nothing to do with the bending (as if it did, then it wouldn't hurt equally as much if he bended vs if he didn't - it's a redundant non-factor now) and therefore that's even more proof that it isn't structural. This also allows him to focus more on the psychological as an explanation for his symptoms, and he's also sent through some interesting insights and new potential links between his emotions and pain (it's a much easier thing to see once you stop obsessing over your movements/body).

Personally, and it doesn't really matter what I think as it needs to resonate with you, but this is very very strong TMS evidence to me. You sound like you've had every test imaginable, I agree that symptoms moving around (both in location and intensity) and being symmetrical is great evidence, and it being involved in the symptom imperative process wouldn't make a whole lot of sense (it would be one hell of a coincidence) if there were truly something wrong (the brain wouldn't risk turning it off if there were truly something terribly wrong, just because there's another symptom to give attention to, your brain is smarter than that).

I do think, at least objectively speaking (obviously what matters is how you feel), the evidence you have is strong enough to combat this cycle.

Yes and this makes sense taking into account your doubt in the TMS diagnosis. Naturally if you come off of the medication and symptoms flare, if you have significant doubt then that's going to say "well of course once we came off the medication the symptoms went up, that's proof that there's something wrong with us, so back to the medication we go". Ironically, however, assuming this is TMS it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the reason it flares once you come off the medication is the fear/panic itself, which is driven by the lingering fear there is something wrong (which makes complete sense mind you, this is a logical reaction on the basis that something is wrong - because if you think there's something wrong then you think the medication is necessary to treat it - so of course if you come off the medication and it flares that's a sign that you needed the medication - anyone would have the exact same reaction if they had doubt in the TMS diagnosis). It all comes back to the false belief (assuming TMS) in a structural issue (the underlying basis). Your reactions and behaviours make complete sense based on the underlying basis (and would be universal) - it's just that basis is false. That's why it is difficult to see people judge themselves in the recovery process - it's not really an effort or a perseverance game at heart (it is in a way), it's more down to correct knowledge and in turn belief/tactical action based off of that knowledge. Without TMS knowledge, coming off the medication causing a flare confirms in one's mind a structural problem, but with it, it makes complete sense from a TMS perspective and serves as further proof of it (the fear and panic driven by the doubt in turn drives the uptick in symptoms).

I get what you mean, but don't be too sad because I'm pretty confident it's your way out! You have to recognise the issue to fix it, so this is big process in and of itself. Also, it makes complete sense that if a big piece of evidence served to obliterate doubt for another symptom (your back), then part of you (even subconsciously) would be waiting for that to happen with your IBS symptoms. It makes sense and it's logical, but we don't need to wait

Journalling and the emotional side of things is always great (and I advocated for it above in terms of it helping to lower, even slightly, the meaning that we give to the pain - it's great anyway irrespective of pain), but please don't lose sight of the basics around belief. What I would do is rewrite it if you need to but really drill down on your evidence list. I had it on my desk I would say for 6 months (starting from when I just started TMS recovery mind you - I don't want you to think this will necessarily take 6 months) and often carried it around with me (certainly when I travelled). I looked at it every day, multiple times a day and I would have read it hundreds of times. I added to it when I could too (as your belief grows, improvement will happen as a result and that will provide you with more evidence - which in turn leads to greater belief - it's like a snowball rolling downhill). I basically did this until I was that sold on the evidence that I didn't need to anymore. I would suggest it be the first thing you look at when you wake up and the last thing you see before you go to sleep (it sounds intense, but I think it's ideal). That's what I have recommended for the guy I talked about above, and he's even (not my idea but a great idea) recorded it (him reading his evidence list) so that he can listen to it continuously.

Let me know what you think but I'm excited for you based on this chat

 

@Joulegirl Imo this is excellent advice from Adam because it’s about gradually embedding the belief at a deeper level and allowing the message to gradually percolate through to the brain’s deeper, more automatic layers. You can understand intellectually that symptoms are mind-body/TMS, but the emotional and automatic parts of the brain may still react with fear out of habit. It’s like the rider-and-elephant analogy from The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt: the rider is the conscious, logical mind that grasps the theory, while the elephant represents the deeper emotional and conditioned responses that drive automatic reactions. The elephant resists sudden change because the brain prioritises prediction and safety, so it tends to pull you back toward familiar fear patterns (resisting the direction of the rider). Repeatedly reviewing an evidence list helps retrain those deeper responses through reinforcement and consistent exposure until the sense of safety becomes more automatic rather than merely intellectual.

 

Yup. Absolutely. I thought I would have a breakthrough moment with it too.

Yes! My thought process was thinking if I reduce the medication and the symptoms rose back up, then it has to be structural. But I also know that TMS symptoms can be controlled by medicine too. That's how my nerve pain was so I can't use that as proof that it's structural.

I will do that this weekend. Such a good idea to just read it every day! I love these ideas!!!

Yes! And this is something that is not a huge time commitment and so easy do! I can still meditate too. And journal when needed.

Thank you all for your helpful responses. I feel like I have a good plan now and know what I need to do!

 

I now view the taking of my pain meds - and anxiety meds - as no different from meditation, somatic tracking, etc. I don't see the meds as a 'cure'; just as I don't view my journaling or meditation as a cure. I see the meds as another tool in the toolbox that I can use to lower the volume on my nervous system, and send a message of safety. For me it's all about the attitude I take going into it...any med or skill can easily be interpreted by the brain as a desperate act if you're feeling scared or overwhelmed, and it will respond accordingly! (Which Rabscuttle was referencing earlier!).