Day 4 Hello

I just want to put some words down that might be read by people who understand what I'm going through.

Even as kid I experienced what I now realize is TMS, although it was infrequent and usually fairly mild. My first serious TMS occurrence happened at age 20. I had lost a football scholarship at a small school due to dumb mistakes and had to return home to attend community college. I began having intense chest pains and I believed I was going to die at any moment. I went to a doctor who did multiple tests and told me I was perfectly fine, and the chest pains vanished almost immediately.

I was relatively fine for the next several years. I graduated university and moved to Asia, where I still currently live and work as a teacher. I fell in love, got engaged and in the months before my wedding those chest pains I had once forgot about came back. I saw a doctor who told me I was fine, but not until the wedding was over (literally the next day) did the pains stop.

About a year ago my wife and I decided to move to a new city. It was going to be a big move for us but we were excited. Soon I developed leg pains. My legs would turn ice cold and I would cramp up constantly. I didn't know what was going on, it was terrifying! I went to see a doctor who suggested I have an MRI on my back. I didn't have any back pain but he believed this was my problem. Sure enough, the MRI revealed a bulging disk and some degeneration. What do you think happened next? My lower back hurt! We had to put off moving.

I've had back pain since then. It has been the worst year of my life. It has been so hard trying to work as a teacher with kids when I'm dealing with back pain everyday. I tried all kinds of therapy but nothing was really working and sticking. My weekends were spent in bed so that I would be rested up enough to get through my work week. My wife was doing everything to help me but this just made me feel guilty and pushed me further and further down into darkness.

Last week while browsing Amazon I randomly came across Healing Back Pain by Dr. Sarno. I read the first review and a lightbulb went off. I purchased the audiobook immediately and spent the next four hours lying in bed and listening to Dr. Sarno basically describe my life page after page. When the book was finished I stood up and it literally felt like a monkey had jumped off my back. The constant feeling I had of someone sitting on my shoulders at all times was lightened almost immediately.

It has only been a little less than a week but the pain has lessened considerably and I am optimistic for the first time in a long time. I can move much better than before, although I still have tightness and pain coming and going. I catch the pain moving all around my back, from lower, to middle, left, right, up to my shoulders. It's actually kind of amusing when I feel it happening. I know what you're doing, brain! Because I now realize that TMS will continue to reappear, I am absolutely committed to dealing with the emotional aspects of my life that cause this. I always try to keep a cool demeanor and brush things off so that they don't get to me but I know now that I haven't been brushing them off, I've only been burying them.

I am not afraid to face my issues any longer. I intend to beat TMS once and for all.

 

Good to read your story. I moved countries also, so you may discover many things you buried, to try and fit in. Those lightbulb moments are fab! Enjoy soaking up Dr Sarno's words.

 

Definitely, living in a different country is a challenge for anybody, so those of us who are susceptible to TMS really face a mountain to climb.

 

Hi, Phizzy56.
You've discovered Dr. Sarno and TMS. That's wonderful. Now you know that, even despite the MRI and doctor saying you have a bulging disc in your back, the real cause of your pain is from repressed emotions that have built anger up inside you. I too learned that I had been repressing those emotions since childhood, stemming from my parents divorcing when I was seven. It left me with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. In journaling, I learned more about my parents and that they had their own TMS. It led me to forgiving them and that led to my back pain leaving me.

Losing the football scholarship, getting married, moving to another country, and moving to another city are all stressful and apparently
new stresses triggered old ones. A close friend was so nervous about getting married that he came down with hives on his honeymoon and spent it in a hospital. He got over it and all was well after that.

You are starting on a fantastic journey of self-discovery. Enjoy every minute of it.

 

Thanks for your insight, Walt. I too had a difficult childhood which I'm sure is a major root cause of my problems. It will be interesting to delve into these things in the coming weeks through journaling.
As I've been lurking around this forum the past couple of days I've seen the amount of wisdom you have to share and I look forward to talking more with you

 

Thanks for the compliment. I don't know how wise I am. I just post replies from my gut.
I had lots of fun in my childhood besides the stresses. My year-older sister was my best friend.

Now that I've journaled about my parents divorcing when I was 7, and the hard times before and after,
I don't dwell on all that. I try to remember the fun times.

I try to live by the saying "Roll with the punches." Everyone gets them and we can't let them knock us out.
If they do, we just get up again. A friend who was an amateur boxer told me he'd hate to have had to fight me in the ring
because I would never stay down.