Help, lumbago

Thanks for the advice. I like the idea of making a mental note out loud not to come down with that. I think I will try that. Because I think it could be helpful for me to listen to those podcasts.

I guess that idea ties in a little bit with Sarno's talking to the brain exercise. I have actually been trying this over the last few days, for both my back and my fatigue but mainly my fatigue. I have noticed improvements in my fatigue since I started doing this. It could just be a coincidence that some of the fatigue was down to this virus and was going away anyway, but I will keep going with it and see where it leads.

I've been telling my brain to stop making me tired just to hide emotions and things like that as Sarno instructs. Then funnily enough yesterday I became extremely emotional about an ex-girlfriend, kind of out of nowhere. We've remained in contact as friends during that time and often felt like we were close to getting back together but so far haven't done so. Funnily enough we broke up in 2014 which is when my TMS journey really started in earnest. But again, it might just be a coincidence but something to keep an eye on

 

No. It's not a coincidence. That is 151 proof unconscious rage maker. Guaranteed. The last time I was 'mature' like that I got mysterious footpain...until a forum member knocked the 'mature' out of me (thanks @Cactusflower!)

I broke up with a girl and was angry that she finally stopped being my 'friend' = "watching my dog so I could play baseball". Never mind that I wanted her gone. That 5 year old tantrum throwing child that battles Moses in my unconscious never goes away...so when I am reviewing why I might be suffering I have to imagine the close relationships in my life from the ultra-selfish-whining-beeotch perspective. EVERYTHING has to go my way. If I reject you for my comfort, you STILL need to be there to minister to anything I might want, but promptly go away when I don't need you for anything. Then...knowing that is down there along with my unattainable condescending ethical purity (Moses) I can begin to understand why I need TMS...and THEN it goes away

When you get down to Sarno's 'ground floor' you realize the ID/EGO/SUPEREGO division and battles rage continually without reason or respite.

I Like MOSES/ME/5 year old Veruca Salt.
I believe Sarno called it PARENT/ADULT/CHILD.... that's too confusing for me because adult and parent are kind of synonymous....at least in my conscious brain because I am a Parent. I am NOT particularly adult except around my sons..

 

" That 5 year old tantrum throwing child that battles Moses in my unconscious never goes away...so when I am reviewing why I might be suffering I have to imagine the close relationships in my life from the ultra-selfish-whining-beeotch perspective. EVERYTHING has to go my way. If I reject you for my comfort, you STILL need to be there to minister to anything I might want, but promptly go away when I don't need you for anything. "

This is pretty much EXACTLY how Nichole Sach's describes journaling!

 

I don't 'journal', but I do write Resentment/Anger lists and I am pretty much a Methodist about them, using the template from the 12 step world.
1. People/institutions/idea's that make me consciously angry.
2. What I am angry about
3. Affects my....this is where we might get a doorway to the unconscious child, because it's all ME ME ME
(7 point checklist)
Self Esteem
Personal Relationships
Sex Relationships
Money
Pride
Ambitions
Security

When I am consciously angry, one to seven of those are being threatened. I write it from the '5 year old Veruca Salt' mind frame. It's amazing how somebody who got a job I was up for might be lighting up all 7 of those and not even thinking about me at all!!! I write whole sentences like "I didn't get that Job which means I can't support myself which means I am not a real man".

Interestingly..I did these B4 I had pain...and then had stopped because they were so redundant. None of my little hissy fits are particularly interesting to me or anybody else..I had 'outgrown' them and become a 'spiritual' guy.....OUCH...MY back is killing me!!!!!

..and as we have discussed in other threads, having done them and been aware of how childish I was did not prevent TMS from coming, BUT when I restarted the process with TMS in Mind, it was much more effective.

There is a fourth column of inventory "Where was I selfish/dishonest/selfseeking/wrong."

I never do that part when I am fighting off symptoms...that is really Moses and during TMS outbreaks he is making stuff worse, not better. I ask God for an extension...and he gives it to me.

 

Regarding the bolded part, I can so identify with this. I should really do more journaling I think.