Day 1 I am tired of being in pain and want it to stop!!!

I am one of those fortunate people who actually went to see Dr.Sarno. I saw him the first time in the early 90's. I had done what everyone else had done before going to see him; seeking out any and all other modalities to cure my pain. (Everything except surgery, thankfully) I took my X-rays, MRIs and my aching back and went to see him. Within 24 hours after his lectures I was completely cured! I had another episode of back pain several years later and went to NYC for a refresher lecture. Again, it worked. While I thought I fully accepted his diagnosis, I obviously needed his authority to tell me that I had TMS. It is hard to stay with the diagnosis when everyone else around you is telling you that your herniated discs and arthritis is what is wrong with your back and that you shouldn't run, or do anything else that might hurt your back.

Here I am years later, without my beloved Dr. Sarno, and my back and now hip pain have been pretty bad for a long time; it is the first thing I think about in the morning. I am aware of it all day long and at night I usually have difficulty getting comfortable because either my back or my hips hurt. I found myself going down the path of focusing on the pain by getting massage, acupuncture and chiropractic treatments, again, and of course, nothing was working. I know better than that. I still try to be active, despite the pain, but the pain is a constant.

Even though I know about TMS and believe in the diagnosis, I have been unable to stop the pain. There obviously is a part of me that is doubting the diagnosis. Deep down inside I must believe that this time it is different. My spine must have degenerated in the past 25 years. As I approach 60 ( age being one of the sources of rage, I know) I find myself thinking that maybe I shouldn't be able to run, bike, snowboard and do yoga anymore. After all, I see a lot of people my age stop being active. At the pool, I hear all of these women around me talking about their aches and pains and I so desperately do not want to be part of that culture!

I have been reading through this website occasionally for about a year or so. I had been doing some of the work by writing in my journal. But, it hasn't worked. I finally decided that my commitment wasn't strong enough to convince my unconscious mind and that I needed to stop dabbling around the fringes, sign in and post. (I don't know why that scares me, perfectionism?)

Besides back and hip pain. (The back pain is reinforced by X-ray and MRI, but not the hip pain) I also have a foot neuroma and tinnitus. I get confused by that because I have read that people often have one site of TMS at a time. ( I didn't realize that tinnitus was a TMS phenomenon) But I have all of this going on simultaneously. I used to suffer from migraines but that stopped with menopause. I also do have seasonal hay fever, which I would also love to get rid of.

I am tired of being in pain and I want it to stop! (Is that my id talking?)

 

Hi there SportyChick, I could have used that handle too. Lot's of Marathons and 10K's in my 20's until a skiing accident at age 34, then marriage and babies, but I never stopped being very physically active - until chronic pain brought me almost to a full stop over 3 years ago. I turned 60 last Sept. I too have done lots of thinking and journaling and soul searching about getting older.

Tinnitus was my first very noticeable symptom about 6 months before any actual pain started over 3 years ago. Now that I know about TMS, I realize I had little warning signals before that, but I just kept thinking they were menopausal symptoms, although I wondered why my mother hadn't suffered from them and I didn't start getting them until a few years after menopause. But that's the power of the media and women our age we hang around with - women who are suffering from TMS themselves, but don't know it. I know these women well, because they are the group of neighbourhood women I fell into becoming friends with when I stopped working full time in my 50's. I always realized they were stuck in 'victim mode', but I didn't realize the extent of how much they were negatively affecting me until learning about the mind body link. I only occasionally get together with them now and when I do, I realize it's their beliefs, but not reality. I think as women approach 60 there are 2 types of women. They either fall further into their victim mode mentality and now fall victim to their minds and bodies, or they look at 60's as a new beginnin -, a time to start really enjoying their lives guilt-free; free of climbing the corporate ladder and free of raising children. Most of my 60 year old friends are still working full time, but their attitudes have changed to one of "I'm here to enjoy myself as much as I can", not one of climbing the ladder. Did you know Betty White just turn 95?

I had a lot of symptoms going on when in TMS suffering. Buy Steve Ozanich's book. I started reading it a week ago. I came back to this tmswiki site on a regular basis in February as I still had some chronic pain after doing pt, acupuncture, chiro, massage, and even learning energy healing, all while doing in-depth mind body soul searching journaling belief changing self analysis. I also attended a group therapy program for most of last year, but still couldn't give up the massages and chiro. As I got involved in reading posts and responding with my experience, I noticed my remaining symptoms were lessening. Then I read a post reply from Steve Ozanich that prompted me to buy his book. This guy had the encyclopedia of symptoms. It's amazing how bad he was and yet he has fully recovered. By the time I was finished his chapter where he talks about all his symptoms (the last one I read), I realized my symptoms were all gone. It also prompted me to say thanks and good-bye to the chiro and massage therapist. I have had a very stressful week and I write this with no chronic pain. I have residual muscle soreness still from a dance fitness class 2 mornings ago, but I know that's from 'shaking my boody' real hard for the first time in 6 months, plus the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about a board meeting the night before which is chaired by a 'frienemy', which spilled over into a difficult impromptu conversation with her yesterday.

I hope this post gives you hope. Keep in touch fellow sporty girl turning 60. Hugs to you.

 

Hi EileenS, thanks for sharing a bit of your story and your words of support! It sounds like we are kindred spirits.

I have read Steve Ozanich's book. It's funny because I took it with me while on vacation last week. His was/is an amazing story. I had originally resisted getting another TMS book because I have read all of Dr. Sarno's books. I even have The Divided Mind on Audible and so I can listen to various parts in the car. I couldn't imagine The Great Pain Deception being that much different. But, it was and I was very glad I bought it. For vacation, we went snowboarding in Utah. That was one of those things I put on my evidence list: I can snowboard as long as I want to and my back doesn't hurt, but I have trouble sitting while typing on my computer and while driving for longer than 15 minutes!

I was thinking that deep down inside I doubt the diagnosis of TMS because I wasn't talking to people about it. This is probably partially why my pain is not going away. My husband doesn't want to hear anything about it, even though he has a lot of the TMS symptoms. I am reluctant to talk with most people about it because they will think I am kooky. (another one of those Type T personality traits - wanting people to like me) As a yoga teacher, I see a lot of people who have bad backs, shoulders, necks, plantar fasciitis, carpal tunnel syndrome, .... If I tell people to do a certain pose or stretch for their symptoms they often feel better for a little while. If I try to tell them about TMS, they will tell me that they have proof of something wrong with their bodies. Just recently I have begun to talk about TMS, however. I have decided that if I want to help myself, I need to talk about it. I do believe that it can help other people, if they are open to the idea. Lots of yoga teachers offer classes for low back pain. I could never do this because it feels phony, if you believe the TMS diagnosis. Unless I offer a class that stretches people's bodies and minds at the same time, hmm?!

Thanks again for reaching out. I can't tell you how good it felt to get a response to my first post and how it does give me hope. I plan on moving through the Structured Educational Program to rid myself of these symptoms, so I will be on these boards regularly. Good luck to you, too! And, yes, I will keep in touch. I don't know who said this quote originally: "You are the company you keep, so keep good company." I like your company. Hugs back to you!

 

This certainly needed to go on your evidence sheet! My husband and I snowboarded once with our sons (preteens then) about 15 years ago. We were both very active and I downhill skied very well and slalom water skied and he could even barefoot water ski. I went into work the next morning after snowboarding hurting end to toe. A woman in her 20's said, "it gets better once you do it about 4 times", which I said, "why would I ever want to feel like this again when I can go down the hill on skiis?"

Looking forward to reading your posts. Good luck.

 

Hi, Sportychick. Eileen has given you great advice and encouragement. I echo her. You will heal if you stop thinking your symptoms are physical and are 100 percent emotional, from TMS. I envy you having visited Dr. Sarno. He is an amazing man, helping so many people with his TMS philosophy. I was 82 when I got severe back pain, learned about Dr. Sarno and TMS, and healed. I discovered repressed emotions going back to my boyhood. Keep at the SEProgram and you will be posting your success story soon.

 

Haha! Yes, the woman in her 20's was right. But I could never go back to skiing after getting over that 4 day hump. I look forward to seeing you around the TMS wiki, Eileen.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, Walt. I need all the reinforcement I can get. Society generally reinforces the pain, so it is extra work to keep the mind on the emotional stuff. I am inspired by your story! I have been reading a few success stories a day to help, but it is very powerful to get a direct reply.

 

Proud of you for taking the plunge! I've just discovered the website and forum myself, and finding it a great source of encouragement and inspiration. Don't go too hard on yourself now, Ms. perfectionist! Do as much as you can, and when you can't, or don't...give yourself a rest. You can do it! I have faith that all your symptoms are TMS, and you will beat them. (sometimes I have more faith in others than in myself). But you've totally got this.

 

Thanks, grateful_mama. Now how about you?

 

I can absolutely do this. I can. I will.

 

Awesome! We can support each other!