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I think I'm going to need some serious help and advice.

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Belwri, Sep 22, 2021.

  1. Belwri

    Belwri New Member

    Hello friends. I feel like I could write an essay, and I hardly know where to start. I’ll try here. Bear with me.


    My childhood was either lonely, frightened or horrible. I am an only child. My parents were, and still are to some extent, suffering psychologically with problems such as neurosis, anger issues, abandonment, alcoholism. They wanted ‘the best’ for me and were bloody awful at it. My memory is completely shot but I’m told my early years were hard. Later, I suffered with a sense of abandonment, having been sent to a boarding school age 9 (a place now well known for abuse) only to enter the frying pan of daily and nightly bullying from peers and adults (monks). I escaped at 16 and immediately began to self-medicate. Obviously my first marriage failed, and eventually my body gave up and almost killed me (auto immune disease). I’ve remarried a wonderful woman, and have found safety. It’s our ten-year anniversary. I have spent the last ten (and the 20 before that) using alcohol and cannabis to distract from the pain. Having now given them up, by which I mean seen through them, I am certain where my path lies. I have to come back from this before I get too old.

    Age 47, my body is wracked with pain and fatigue. Don’t feel like you need to read the list but here’s the immediate obvious ones that come to mind:

    Crippling continuous bilateral heel/foot pain (10 years now, following crippling lower back pain)

    Chronic fatigue. Constantly drained from the moment I wake.

    Widespread muscle and limb weakness and fatigue

    Guillain Barre Syndrome (almost killed me. Tracheotomy. Organ failure. Learn to walk from scratch)
    Low level tinnitus/ invisible noise-pressure in head
    Inconsistent perceived sensations of hot cold ambient temperature
    Frequent peeing. Average 1litre/3 trips between final pee before bed and correct waking time
    Hypothyroidism
    Heartburn
    Heart area ache
    Difficulty concentrating/Mental fogginess
    Diarrhoea after alcohol

    Anus pain bleeding after defecating
    Anxiety & panic attacks and somatization disorders
    Tennis elbow
    Aching knees (minimal Arthritis, double arthroscopy)
    Randomly located spasms, tingling and pain spikes across the body
    Almost constant sensation of dehydration
    Intermittent but regular compulsive swallowing and pain around the Adam's apple
    Jaw misalignment, clicking


    I’m bright, caring, thoughtful, creative and also a bit of a nightmare. Buy one get one free. I clearly need to integrate/feel what I was never allowed to feel/ love my inner child etc etc. But how? There seem to be almost 50 years of ignored issues. Where to start? I’ve read loads. To name a few: Levine. Porges. I’ve done trauma seminars with Gabor Matte. Annie Grace’s dropping alcohol book led me to John Sarno, which led me to here, via ‘The Body Never Lies’ by Alice Miller.



    I have two main areas I could use advice in.


    1) Am I right in thinking that I need a therapist/analytical psychologist or psychiatrist? If so, which one and how do I find one that isn’t just going to tell me to forgive my parents? Who do I talk to that will help me find one that is right for me? I’m in Hampshire/Surrey area of UK.


    2) I’m trying to follow Sarno’s guidance in ‘Minbody Prescription’, but my concentration and my energy and motivation levels are so low it’s really hard. What would you suggest? Is the Curable app officially ‘good’? I’m happy to pay if it is. Should I focus on this Alan Gordon Programme (I haven’t read yet) or keep rereading Sarno?


    I’ve got a lot going for me but I’d really like to be a whole person, with acceptable, normal pain. Any help would be appreciated. I’ve travelled the whole world, started and run businesses, brought up 4 (relatively) happy kids, published stories and more, but right now it would probably help more if you explain things as you might to an adolescent teenage boy with ADHD. Thanks, if you got this far.
     
    NNava, Heavenly and Ellen like this.
  2. Cap'n Spanky

    Cap'n Spanky Well known member

    Hey Belwri. Welcome!

    I really enjoyed reading your post above and I believe you came to the right place. Very relatable. I'll let someone else weigh in on the therapist question, except to say you may want to find a TMS therapist. Maybe someone can suggest a good one. Find a TMS Doctor or Therapist - The TMS Wiki

    From what I've heard, Curable is very good, but I don't have first hand experience. I can personally vouch for the Pain Recovery Program | TMS Forum (The Mindbody Syndrome) (tmswiki.org). When I did Alan's program (for chronic fatigue), I really jumped in with both feet. I basically re-wrote his 21 day program in my own words, multiple times (a bit crazy, I know). But it worked. I think it's really good that you have already read Dr. Sarno's book. I had a strong foundation in Dr. Sarno before doing Alan's program.

    If you haven't done so already, I'd suggest doing some reading here on the TMS Wiki: The TMS Wiki It's full of a lot of invaluable info.

    It really seems to me you are on the right track. There are multiple different way to approach this and I think it's good to go about it in a structured, systematic way; even if you come up with your own particular version... one that works for you. Best of luck, Belwri!
     
  3. Belwri

    Belwri New Member


    Thanks for your reply Capn, it's great to hear your experiences with the Pain Recovery Programme have been successful. I am currently trawling through the Wiki and geeing myself up to get started and jump in. Thanks for your encouragement 8)
     
    Cap'n Spanky likes this.
  4. Ann Miller

    Ann Miller Peer Supporter

    Hi Belwri,
    First off a ((big hug)) for you. You've been through the wringer with pain and it's totally understandable to be feeling overwhelmed, desperate and confused about the best approach. I'm going to recommend a tms coach/consultant as your first step. Someone who can get to know you, and recommend based on your personality, learning styles etc a program that will have a high chance of success for you. I am a tms consultant, but don't feel like you have to use me. There are others too that are great at it. Using a coach really made a difference for me personally, and theyre generally lower cost than a therapist. I too had a laundry list of diagnoses for over three decades. All chronic pain and symptoms are gone with tms work. It took mental and emotional work, but if I can do it, you can do it! Wishing you well.
     
    Cap'n Spanky likes this.
  5. Belwri

    Belwri New Member

    Thanks very much for your reply and encouragement Ann. It seems fairly clear to me the main drivers in my life would be childhood trauma and near death experience. Sarno seems to suggest in his book Mindbody Prescription that someone coming from my angle would do well to engage a "psychiatrist or psychologist trained analytically". Would you agree? I've looked through the 'find a therapist' links but I dont see anyone that ticks all the boxes (trained analytically/TMS friendly/in south of england. What direction do you think is better - 1) Go wide through Zoom and get specific matches or 2) Prioritise face to face and possibly lose the specifics?
     
  6. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    mssg sent
     
    Belwri likes this.
  7. Ann Miller

    Ann Miller Peer Supporter

    Personally for me, I think zoom is amazing and really opens up the whole world of possibilities. Again, I'd look at who can help me wade through ALL the different methods out there, not just someone who is selling their own method which may or may not be a fit for your personality, past trauma, learning style, time constraints etc.
     
    Belwri likes this.

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