Day 10 Journaling helps

Yesterday, in a effort to try to return to normal activities, I found myself in the gym at work and decided to grab a couple of free weights. I used to workout 3-4 x a week and really miss it. I took the 20lb dumbells, did some curls, then did about 10 over head presses. I then walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes at a moderate pace. Things seemed fine until I got home last night and started to notice some pain in my back towards the center of my right side. It was mildly concerning and caused me some anxiety especially at bedtime. I slept ok however but it flared up a little more intensely while at work again today. I started to feel anxious again, fearing the worst, and started to look for a way to escape the situation. However, I knew there wasn't anywhere to run to; the pain was going to be there no matter where I was. So instead I decided to grab a piece of paper and write about it. I focused on how this situation was making me feel, focusing on feeling my emotions about it. When I finally ran out of paper and my hand was cramped, I stopped, tore up the paper and walked it out to the dumpster and tossed it away. I really felt better afterwards and returned to work. Although the pain never went away all day, my outlook improved and I was able to get through the rest of the day.

I think the writing is helping me to dig into my emotions and better cope with my anxiety. Since I've been living w/ the pain for over a year now, my anxieties about it and my future have become almost unbearable at times, maybe even harder to handle and manage than the pain itself. The TMS Dr I saw instructed me to address my anxiety first. I think the SEP exercises are helping in that regard and things will continue to improve as I begin working w/ a therapist next week.

On the way home today, I decided accepting this diagnosis is my only option. What do I have to loose.

 

This is nice to read. That you found relief from the anxiety by simply being very real with how the pain, and fear of the pain, and all of it was impacting you. Thanks for sharing.

 

Hi, Bollib. For me, journaling was the most helpful part of the SEProgram. I discovered I was repressing feelings of insecurity since my parents divorced when I was seven. I journaled and realized they had TMS too, Mom had migraines and Dad bad back pain. They divorced for economic reasons and knowing that, I forgave them (mentally, because they had both passed away by then). Forgiving healed me of my back pain. So for me, journaling was a major step in healing.