Day 5 Journalling

Today I decided to journal about the first feelings of guilt that I experienced. I was 4 years old and my parents had put me and my sister to bed. She was 2 years old. I remember asking for a drink of water and was refused. I remember lying awake, it was summer, as the room was still bright, and becoming quite distressed as I was really thirsty. I began calling to my parents and crying for a drink of water. No one came. I knew not to get out of bed as there would be punishment.

Instead, in a rage, I ripped up a new pop-up story book that my dad had brought home for me that evening. I then took my sister's book off her and did the same thing. At some point, my dad came in to the room. I expected to be beaten, but wasn't, and he removed the ruined books and went away. I remember feeling really bad and crying. I still carry feelings of guilt from this episode. Guilt that I destroyed the books, guilt about the cost of them. I don't think I ever threw a tantrum after that right through to my adult life. Why did I feel guilty at 4 years old?!

I think that starting this journalling exercise will reveal alot about me to myself. I look forward to seeing what my journey reveals.

 

Keep u the good work.