Knee problem: my inspiring story

I should trust in TMS totally. It is a process probably.
I have another doubt: during first 3 months I tried to do many activities, but the situation was getting worse. So I have many doubts now.

 

Over the past few days, I’ve walked 500 meters despite the pain, without too much fear. I did it several times. I felt happy to do it — until now, I had only managed that kind of movement at home.
I went to the beach and did what I felt capable of. I really focused on living, rather than on anxiety and pain.

Yesterday, I also worked on my rumination and compulsions. I managed to feel happy in the evening and, for about 20 minutes while lying in bed, I didn’t feel any pain — a rare experience for me, since I usually feel a burning or heat sensation. After months I experienced the feeling of living beautiful things, with or without pain.

The real difficulty comes in the morning, when starting over feels incredibly hard. Knowing that this is a journey without a guaranteed outcome clearly adds to the anxiety.
Despite my morning routine, I feel empty and aimless. Working on the computer doesn't motivate me (I work in SEO and have an e-commerce).

I've created a routine and introduced some positive practices:

1. I write down all the “proof” I have: I’ve overcome this same problem before; my personality aligns 100% with the traits described by Dr. Sarno; I’ve had surgery on my left knee and dealt with chronic pain in both knees; before the knee issues, I experienced tension and cracking in my hips, ankle, jaw, and back.
   
   
2. I visualize locking my thoughts away in a black jar or in Aladdin’s lamp, and then I shift my attention — I play with my daughter or focus on future projects.
   
   
3. In the morning, before breakfast, I drink plenty of water, move gently and fluidly (brisk walking or amateur Tai Chi), practice 4-7-8 breathing, and spend time outdoors — I’m lucky to have a beautiful view.
   
   
4. Every night before bed, I meditate and write in a gratitude journal: things I’m proud of, goals I’d like to achieve, and affirmations like “I only have TMS; my knees are improving and healing.”
   
   
5. I make sure to leave the house at least once a day — for a walk or to go to the beach. I’m fortunate to live in a nice place.
   
   
6. I’d like to create a full-body routine, whether I’m having a good or bad day — including plank, side plank, foot exercises, hip and shoulder work.

How can I tell if I have repressed emotions?

In the past, I was able to reduce the pain by ignoring fear and surrounding myself with friendly, supportive people. The pain became more manageable. But I understand that working on TMS is a gradual process, and over time it should either reduce the pain or provide clearer insight into its origin.

There are still things that keep me trapped in overthinking: spending too much time at home working on the computer doesn’t help me shift my focus; feeling persistent burning, sensitivity, and heat in the same areas; having weak legs — and although neuroplasticity is crucial, I know physical weakness doesn’t help and is a real difference between me and others who’ve recovered. For example, @Mr Hip Guy was able to run, work, and stand — a very different situation from mine.

 

Many TMSer's are at their worst in the morning, myself included. I'm not sure why that is, but I have my suspicions. But the point is, it's normal.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get strong - I'm a firm believer in strength work and I do a ton of it. I highly encourage it - just not to defeat pain. That needs to come from other work, and in fact, your goal shouldn't even be to defeat the pain but to do all the work for its own inherent benefits. Outcome independence is the mindset you want.

 

My knees burn more and get red in the afternoon, when I go to bed for a nap. This is especially true if I walked a lot in the morning. I find it very strange.
Then I have more pain in the operated knee. I don't know if it's normal or the result of being used to feeling pain.

 

Re-read your Sarno books (I like Healing Back Pain but the others are all good too) and try the Steve Ozanich one as well. Lots of references to knee pain in all of those.

 

Finally I take my first steps with awareness. In the morning I get up, I make fluid movements accompanied by breathing, I drink half a liter of water and meditate for 10 minutes. Then I go for a walk. This morning, even with pain, I managed to take 6000 steps and I managed to concentrate on many beautiful things, with a few background thoughts, but not enough to distract me from the sea, the sun, nature.
After walking it always goes well, then when sitting I start to feel a burning sensation, even if I keep my legs stretched out.

My doubt is: can the pain also vary in real time? Now I'm fine, after two minutes I feel bad again?