Knee problem: my inspiring story

I should trust in TMS totally. It is a process probably.
I have another doubt: during first 3 months I tried to do many activities, but the situation was getting worse. So I have many doubts now.

 

Over the past few days, I’ve walked 500 meters despite the pain, without too much fear. I did it several times. I felt happy to do it — until now, I had only managed that kind of movement at home.
I went to the beach and did what I felt capable of. I really focused on living, rather than on anxiety and pain.

Yesterday, I also worked on my rumination and compulsions. I managed to feel happy in the evening and, for about 20 minutes while lying in bed, I didn’t feel any pain — a rare experience for me, since I usually feel a burning or heat sensation. After months I experienced the feeling of living beautiful things, with or without pain.

The real difficulty comes in the morning, when starting over feels incredibly hard. Knowing that this is a journey without a guaranteed outcome clearly adds to the anxiety.
Despite my morning routine, I feel empty and aimless. Working on the computer doesn't motivate me (I work in SEO and have an e-commerce).

I've created a routine and introduced some positive practices:

1. I write down all the “proof” I have: I’ve overcome this same problem before; my personality aligns 100% with the traits described by Dr. Sarno; I’ve had surgery on my left knee and dealt with chronic pain in both knees; before the knee issues, I experienced tension and cracking in my hips, ankle, jaw, and back.
   
   
2. I visualize locking my thoughts away in a black jar or in Aladdin’s lamp, and then I shift my attention — I play with my daughter or focus on future projects.
   
   
3. In the morning, before breakfast, I drink plenty of water, move gently and fluidly (brisk walking or amateur Tai Chi), practice 4-7-8 breathing, and spend time outdoors — I’m lucky to have a beautiful view.
   
   
4. Every night before bed, I meditate and write in a gratitude journal: things I’m proud of, goals I’d like to achieve, and affirmations like “I only have TMS; my knees are improving and healing.”
   
   
5. I make sure to leave the house at least once a day — for a walk or to go to the beach. I’m fortunate to live in a nice place.
   
   
6. I’d like to create a full-body routine, whether I’m having a good or bad day — including plank, side plank, foot exercises, hip and shoulder work.

How can I tell if I have repressed emotions?

In the past, I was able to reduce the pain by ignoring fear and surrounding myself with friendly, supportive people. The pain became more manageable. But I understand that working on TMS is a gradual process, and over time it should either reduce the pain or provide clearer insight into its origin.

There are still things that keep me trapped in overthinking: spending too much time at home working on the computer doesn’t help me shift my focus; feeling persistent burning, sensitivity, and heat in the same areas; having weak legs — and although neuroplasticity is crucial, I know physical weakness doesn’t help and is a real difference between me and others who’ve recovered. For example, @Mr Hip Guy was able to run, work, and stand — a very different situation from mine.

 

Many TMSer's are at their worst in the morning, myself included. I'm not sure why that is, but I have my suspicions. But the point is, it's normal.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to get strong - I'm a firm believer in strength work and I do a ton of it. I highly encourage it - just not to defeat pain. That needs to come from other work, and in fact, your goal shouldn't even be to defeat the pain but to do all the work for its own inherent benefits. Outcome independence is the mindset you want.

 

My knees burn more and get red in the afternoon, when I go to bed for a nap. This is especially true if I walked a lot in the morning. I find it very strange.
Then I have more pain in the operated knee. I don't know if it's normal or the result of being used to feeling pain.

 

Re-read your Sarno books (I like Healing Back Pain but the others are all good too) and try the Steve Ozanich one as well. Lots of references to knee pain in all of those.

 

Finally I take my first steps with awareness. In the morning I get up, I make fluid movements accompanied by breathing, I drink half a liter of water and meditate for 10 minutes. Then I go for a walk. This morning, even with pain, I managed to take 6000 steps and I managed to concentrate on many beautiful things, with a few background thoughts, but not enough to distract me from the sea, the sun, nature.
After walking it always goes well, then when sitting I start to feel a burning sensation, even if I keep my legs stretched out.

My doubt is: can the pain also vary in real time? Now I'm fine, after two minutes I feel bad again?

 

I need your help, please.

I've managed to average 10,000 steps a day, compared to the 6,000 I was averaging when I wrote this post. I am happy about my results. I am going to the beach and living without any limitations. It hurts, but I am stronger than my problem. I'm still afraid, but I live with this fear and I'm able to think about it less and less, one minute less a day if necessary.

Meanwhile, my mind is projecting me into winter, historically sadder and lonelier for me, with a lot of work and little fun. So I dream of travel, I try to plan stimulating things.

I face my symptoms without letting them influence me, I don't give up anything, I take the stairs and do many other activities. However, the symptoms are decreasing, but they never go away for more than 10 minutes.

They're less bothersome than in the past, I face them with determination, but they're there. So it's natural for me to ask myself how to behave, whether I can be happy with a reduction in symptoms.

From many success stories, it almost seems like an on-off, on-off victory is more common, more common than a gradual victory.

I have a morning routine. Mentally, I feel worse in the morning; it's hard to get going again.
I'm seeing a therapist, but I'm struggling to connect my emotions to my symptoms. I'll gradually improve on that, too.

 

That's not true. Most people recover through a long process, with many ups and downs and set backs. It's hardly linear. The important thing is that you're making solid forward progress. 2 steps forward, 1 step back - you still get to your destination. Keep at it, you have it on the run. 10,000 steps!

 

Thank you for your answer.

I used to climb the stairs on crutches. Today I take up to 16,000 steps and 60 stairs a day without crutches. The knees do not get red and hot. But I always have pain and this pain changes little over time. Compared to the past, when I also overcame chronic pain, this time I have much more fear and more pain. I have pain especially when I am sitting with my knees bent or standing still in one place.

I'm trying to live as if I have no pain. I don't go running, I haven't done so for years, but I go to the beach, swim and spend time with friends. But I still think about it too much.

 

This is hard - but this is counter to what Sarno says in his recovery protocol. You have to get to a point where you are agnostic towards the condition - let it go, achieve outcome independence. The reason it is not eradicated is that you are too focused on it. Let it go.

 

I'll say it again, this is what works for me:

- Make evidence sheets.
- Read Sarno books. Read them again.
- Listen to TMS podcasts like Eddy Lindenstein's "Mind and body fitness" and Nicole Sachs
- Keep a light heart - make fun of what's going on if that is what it takes. I can read the seriousness in your posts.
- Keep active. What the heck, try going for a run - it sounds like you're scared of that particular activity, maybe you need to prove you can run even if it's just 100 meters.

 

Thank you for your support.
Do you suggest SEP?