Making it to the Boston Marathon 2014

Happy Memorial Day! I thought I'd pop in briefly to report that I did my long run on Saturday. It was 6 miles at a decent pace... not real fast, but not slow either. It went really well with no pain in the knee during the run. Yesterday and today, I feel a "sensation" there, but not really any pain. So it's going well. Interestingly, I suddenly have some pain in my left shoulder where I have done nothing to warrant any pain. I think TMS is on the move. In another interesting change, my pain in the left calf got a little worse, but my lower back pain is diminishing to almost nothing. TMS is a strange thing....

 

So, I am doing so well with my situation that I've signed up for a Half Ironman in August. I have no intention to race fast in that event since I don't have the training behind me to do that, but I know I can train enough to finish it. Or like Rocky Balboa said, "Go the Distance"! Participating is joy enough for me

My fear of running is pretty much gone... my mind wants to go there, but I change focus. I went for a swim yesterday and my shoulder felt fine. I feel something, but it's not really a strong painful sensation.. it's like a stiffness. The only other thing left is to go for a bike ride and start building not only the muscles, but more important, the confidence that my knee is fine. I have a 10K this Sunday.... should be fine. I love running so much, I don't know how I went so long without it! Hope all is well with you!

 

Enrique - how is your knee? I've definitely had those days too where no matter how hard I try to think pyschological, the soreness/pain is still there. Luckily it was moving around. I consider that TMS on the run or looking for a new place. My TMS moves around too. It's a good sign but at the same time it can be frustrating!

Stayfit65- I hope you are still running and your knee is cooperating.

I survived marathon weekend (memorial day) and kept my TMS under control. Lately things have been pretty good. I still get twinges here and there in the lower legs but overall I think they are getting stronger from the smart training plan and all that I do for recovery.

I recently had a commuter bike built for me (Soma Double Cross frame) with nice disc brakes, SRAM components, carbon fiber fork, rack, fenders, panniers, the works! I've already ridden to work a couple times. I love the bike and my bike ride is a wonderful scenic low traffic 14 miles one-way (mostly back roads). However an old knee soreness came back during my rides. Nothing terrible but I know it's just a combination of TMS and my knees adjusting to regular bike riding. One thing that helped was focussing on the good knee and telling myself it's just more TMS. And that seemed to help! It's actually feeling fine today and didn't bother me much when I ran my interval workout last night. But with the rain coming our way I might not be commuting by bike until next week. New England weather is crazy!

One thing I want to share: Last night after my 8 mile run with mostly intervals I sat in a cold mountain stream for 8 mintues. It was freezing but felt amazing. And my legs felt great afterward later in the evening. I think I'm going to sit in streams or a tub of cold water after every hard run or long run (my coach has suggested this). I consider it just another way of taking good care of myself as my marathon training gets harder and more intense this summer.

 

Enrique – so sorry I missed your posts and somehow didn’t see the last two before I posted my previous one. That’s so awesome you are signed up for a Half Ironman!! I definitely want to put it all together someday and do one myself. And that’s so great you no longer have a fear of running. That is more than half the battle with TMS – overcoming the fear.

I really believe that TMS likes to search for other places to attack. It sounds like your shoulder is just another target of your TMS. And it sounds like you are getting through that too. You’ll be fine with the bike riding, just start up gradually. It’s easier said than done! I have trouble listening to my own advice when it comes to bike riding. It is my first true love in regards to endurance sports. And I sometimes think I can just jump on a bike and go for a 30+ mile bike ride without building up to it. (or 50 miles last spring which wasn’t too smart).

Sorry for not checking in too much the last couple weeks. I had a few issues to get through and my new job doesn’t allow me as much free time on the internet. But it’s great to have TMS support and know there are other people who have a passion for running and endurance sports and who also battle TMS. Thanks for your posts and keep checking back in

 

I used to live in a town that hosts a world class marathon where I met a physiotherapist who ran marathons for years. He now believes they are dangerous and can cause serious damage to the body. He is well known and still treats people from far and wide but tries to talk to them about why they need such an extreme source of self-abuse to get through life.

I have NO expertise in the matter but I wonder if anyone else has had this thought: are marathons one more way for the brain to keep the body/mind from having its say? There is an easy way to know whether you are addicted to anything. Try to stop. If you can, great. If not, what are you covering up?

Sorry if this offends anyone. I'm not saying I'm right but just passing on the thought.

 

Hi njoy, that's a thought provoking post. No offence taken. Thanks for putting it out here. I really thought about it for a while because I do train hard when it comes to endurance events like marathons or triathlons and they can consume a large amount of focus. So I started to wonder if my training was a distraction of some sort like you mentioned. Maybe it is. I'm not sure, though. I'd have to think about it more, but if it is, then it's not a very good distraction, because I do still get TMS pains once in while and those are distractions as we know.

But I will also say one thing about my thoughts on the danger of marathons. I'm not entirely convinced that marathons are that dangerous. Our bodies do heal after all. I believe that running too many, too frequently can be dangerous. So moderation is important. I also believe that there's a risk of sudden cardiac arrest, but it's very, very slim chance. I believe the benefits of training outweigh the risks. And I do believe that people who have heart conditions shouldn't participate so getting a physical exam is important. I once saw a DR about a knee pain and he strongly advised me not to run marathons. He said humans were not designed for it. I said we weren't designed to fly either, but we do. I've done a couple since that time and one Ironman. I personally think that those docs don't have the understanding of TMS and that pain isn't always caused by physical damage.

 

I completely agree with Enrique on marathons not being dangerous. The important thing is that too much of anything can be dangerous or just too taxing to the body. My plan is to run a fall and spring marathon (or someday a combo of marathon and triathlon). I would never do more than 2 marathons a year. I race all out giving 110%.....so more than two might be dangerous to me Some people do many marathons a year. Everyone is different. But some people don't really "race" them either. All I know is that when I'm in peak marathon training, I feel great physically, mentally and spiritually.

If I wasn't training for marathons but focusing solely on cycling then I'm sure my TMS would hit mostly my knees which was the norm when I used to bike race back in the '90s. When I was totally immersed in my music I had TMS in my wrists. My own personal TMS attacks my body parts that are most needed for my current endeavors.

That all being said, my training has been coming along nicely. Last Friday I did my first track workout of the season. I'll admit I was fearful of the fast intervals irritating my shin/lower legs. But they did pretty good and I was so pleased. My long run on Sunday (just 12 miles so far) also went very well with minimal TMS symptoms. This evening is another track workout but I'm not living in fear today. I'm definitely making progress.

Hope you runners/athletes are also doing well this week.

 

Hi Joyce, that's great to hear. It sounds like your doing very, very well.

I'm doing very well too. My knee pain is all but gone and my shoulder pain as well. It took a little while (about 3 months), but now I'm doing 7 workouts a week. 3 runs, 2 swims and 2 bike rides. I swam about a mile during my Thursday workout last week so I am feeling really good about my shoulder. I'm feeling so good overall in fact that I am going to sign up for a sprint triathlon on Saturday. It's only 400 yds swim, 11 mile bike, and 3.1 run, but It's been over 6 months since I did a tri that I'm chomping at the bit to just go out and have some fun at it.

I really think that my re-focus on the TMS treatments and my return to reading/posting on the forum here has helped me a lot. I'm grateful that there are like minded people who are working toward similar pain free goals. It also really helps me to know that someone's out there training hard and overcoming TMS like me, willing to overcome the fears.

Last week I finally finished SteveO's book and I bought Pathways to Pain Relieve and I'm about half way through that. I also have just been reading a lot more of the forum posts, other people's successes and observations. It's all been helping me to keep my focus on the right things.

Work has lately been very very tough for me so I've really needed this.

Next week, like you, I'm also going to hit the track for the first time in a long time. I plan to do a bunch of track repeats so I'll need to muster as much belief as I can. I'm also planning to start adding some hill work into my weekly schedule (once every other week or so). Hills are what have been killing me in my recent 10K/12K's. Right after the hills, I just TANK! So I know where I need to work... that and my raw speed is greatly lacking...

Cheers!

 

Enrique – So nice to hear that your training is coming along very well and that you are overcoming your TMS symptoms. I’m so happy for you! I think triathlon training has such a nice balance. 3 runs, 2 swims & 2 bike rides sound healthy! I’m sure you’ll do well and have fun on the sprint triathlon this Sunday. It’s a nice way to prove your body is strong and not fragile like TMS wants us to believe. And it will be a nice way to benchmark your fitness. I hear you on the hills and raw speed! I feel like I’m still quite a ways from my top fitness levels in regards to hills and speed. (My first 5K is the 4th of July weekend and I still don’t know what my goal pace should be) Track & hill work do make us much better runners for sure. I do like seeing the progress from one track workout to the next. Always a nice confidence builder too!

I do need to start reading more of my own TMS books. It’s always so helpful. I’m re-reading Running with the Mind of Meditation in preparation for the Running/Meditation workshop this weekend. I’m hoping this can also help me keep on top of my TMS. I’m up to 10 minutes a day of meditating right now and that is not easy for someone who has a lot of trouble quieting her mind! But if I stick with it I hope to be more mindful and spend more time in the present moment. And that is something Monte also emphasizes in his TMS teachings: Being in the present moment and not repressing feelings.

So last night’s track workout went well but I did feel sensations in my left shin which is the one TMS symptom that scares the heck out of me. I got angry and annoyed on the last 400m and it actually subsided a bit and even moved around some. I even felt some symptoms in my right shin just briefly! After I soaked my legs in a stream, stretched, & foam rolled I still felt some slight sensations but knew they were just TMS. This morning I still have a few sensations but they are getting less and less. TMS can be a roller coaster ride for me but at least I’m staying on top of it. Maybe I also need to read more posts on this forum. I’m so glad I’m not alone in my quest to run marathons (someday triathlons) while battling TMS. It’s really great to have this forum!

Anyhoo….that’ all for now….lots of work in my cubicle today! Ugh!

 

So last night my left shin was a little worse running after the track workout on Tuesday. And I only did a 5 mile recovery run (70% of max heart rate which is SLOW) but my shin still acted up. It wasn't anything constant and the soreness even moved around a little bit. But it wouldn’t go away! I was definitely thinking physical as opposed to psychological which is the worst thing I could do.

Part of me has a fear of ignoring these TMS symptoms that hit my shin. Two years ago I ignored the first signs of shin pain and decided it was TMS. I kept running on it. I even had a phone consultation with Dr Sopher who was so adamant and 100% sure it was TMS. I kept running and it only got worse. I did an extremely hilly and muddy 50K trail race and as a result couldn’t run for 3 months due to the shin and a severe groin injury as a result of the race. So this is why I still harbor hear when it comes to my left inner shin. Even Monte said that sometimes lower leg/shin pain can be an injury from running.

However I have been building up slowly and steadily with my training. I have a great coach who is teaching me to recover and take good care of myself. There’s no reason to have shin splints right now!!! I’m not fragile. I’m a strong fast runner and I need to keep reminding myself this. I was reading bits and pieces of SteveO’s book and he even has a definition of shin splints in the back of the book as being TMS. I’m glad I saw that again! It really hit home. I also found a success story of another runner who overcame shin splints to run his first 26.2 miles. (I’ll post it next) His shin pain reminded me of what I have been through and this gave me the extra confidence I needed.

It’s been a roller coaster ride, but these last couple days have taught me that when I am complacent and have doubts, my TMS gets worse and attacks the parts of my body that I fear the most. Running is only trigger not the cause of my shin pain/soreness!

 

Posted - 11/15/2004 : 20:17:00
Posted - 11/15/2004 : 20:17:00
Here's the post I found helpful:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=382


"I will try to keep this short...but I might not be able to contain my excitement. First of all the cold hard slap in the face...I am not "cured" and I still am fighting TMS gremlins everyday just like most of you. I truly belive a day will come when I am not in pain...but for now, I will take my progress over the past 6 months ANY DAY

OK...the story. My plan all along was to run my first marathon in January(The Disney). When I saw my TMS doctor in June she said I could do it...I made the decision right then to sign up. I signed up and paid...all the while only being able to run a little bit (2-3miles...that was June.

I have been seriously training for 9 weeks. I have fought TMS HARD through this process. Shin & calf pain kept getting the best of me. Hip pain and other leg pain has had its day too. I even had a terrible side effect from a cholesterol drug that I wrote a post about. Well, this weekend I planned on doing 18 miles at a real-life marathon event. A simple training run to get experience at what it is like at a real race. Since over a week ago I was struggling with inside shin splints on my left leg. My right leg was fine. Left hurt...BAD. I started to obsess about it. Constantly touching, pressing and testing for pain. Evertime I felt pain, I got more affraid. The most I have ever run was 16.5 miles. Fear was a big factor. 18 miles was a big deal. On Wednesday I started back on my journal and reading with force. This saturday night I was tempted to cancel the whole thing (18 miles next day). I test ran in the house and you will never believe what happened. BOTH my shins hurt! I laughed out loud and went and found my wife and told her the news. Hey, Honey guess what? Both my shins hurt now...she looked sad and I said, "no, you don't get it...that was the sign I was looking for...my right leg is fine,,,how could it start to hurt tonight when I haven't run since Wednesday? This PROVES it is TMS!" Not that I should have needed the proof, but I did. I said to her..."I am running all 18 tomorrow (I was contemplating not going or just doing a small run instead). I know for sure this pain is emotionally induced. 3 Cheers for right shin pain".

The plan was for my wife to pick me up at mile 18. It was pouring rain...we have a newborn...long story short...she made a difficult decision to let me find a way back to my car on my own and stayed at home with the 6 week old baby rather than brave the elements with him. When I got to mile 18 and she ws no where in sight (I knew why because of the weather)...I decided to just keep going for a while. Well...a while turned out to be 26.2 miles! I did it. I ran a marathon. My left shin tried to play tricks on me at the beginning...but obviously it was a game. I hurt bad today...but it is all "good" pain. And the funny thing is...NO SHIN PAIN! Those of you who know shin splints...these are "overuse injuries". How can a shin that was overused and causing pain...run a marathon and feel better? No Orthopedic Doctor on the planet would have let me run that marathon without weeks of rest and lots of pills!

If all of you knew me and saw me when I was at rock bottom with TMS pain, you would have seen a guy who:

1. Could barely walk across the street without terrible knee pain
2. Could not write without use of an adaptive pencil holding tool (RSI in wrists and hands)
3. Could not type three letters without nearly coming to tears
4. Could not drive a car without a hand drive adpative kit ($10,000 installed) due to ankle pain

I could keep going, but you get the picture.

Well...there you have it. THe night before I almost quit. The day after I became one of the few people on this planet that can say they ran a marathon. By the way, I ran the WHOLE thing non stop, no walking. My time was 4 hrs 9 mins 30 secs. I guess I will do Disney in January and do it under 4 hrs! Hip Hip Horay for Dr Sarno...(and me)!


I will try to keep this short...but I might not be able to contain my excitement. First of all the cold hard slap in the face...I am not "cured" and I still am fighting TMS gremlins everyday just like most of you. I truly belive a day will come when I am not in pain...but for now, I will take my progress over the past 6 months ANY DAY

OK...the story. My plan all along was to run my first marathon in January(The Disney). When I saw my TMS doctor in June she said I could do it...I made the decision right then to sign up. I signed up and paid...all the while only being able to run a little bit (2-3miles...that was June.

I have been seriously training for 9 weeks. I have fought TMS HARD through this process. Shin & calf pain kept getting the best of me. Hip pain and other leg pain has had its day too. I even had a terrible side effect from a cholesterol drug that I wrote a post about. Well, this weekend I planned on doing 18 miles at a real-life marathon event. A simple training run to get experience at what it is like at a real race. Since over a week ago I was struggling with inside shin splints on my left leg. My right leg was fine. Left hurt...BAD. I started to obsess about it. Constantly touching, pressing and testing for pain. Evertime I felt pain, I got more affraid. The most I have ever run was 16.5 miles. Fear was a big factor. 18 miles was a big deal. On Wednesday I started back on my journal and reading with force. This saturday night I was tempted to cancel the whole thing (18 miles next day). I test ran in the house and you will never believe what happened. BOTH my shins hurt! I laughed out loud and went and found my wife and told her the news. Hey, Honey guess what? Both my shins hurt now...she looked sad and I said, "no, you don't get it...that was the sign I was looking for...my right leg is fine,,,how could it start to hurt tonight when I haven't run since Wednesday? This PROVES it is TMS!" Not that I should have needed the proof, but I did. I said to her..."I am running all 18 tomorrow (I was contemplating not going or just doing a small run instead). I know for sure this pain is emotionally induced. 3 Cheers for right shin pain".

The plan was for my wife to pick me up at mile 18. It was pouring rain...we have a newborn...long story short...she made a difficult decision to let me find a way back to my car on my own and stayed at home with the 6 week old baby rather than brave the elements with him. When I got to mile 18 and she ws no where in sight (I knew why because of the weather)...I decided to just keep going for a while. Well...a while turned out to be 26.2 miles! I did it. I ran a marathon. My left shin tried to play tricks on me at the beginning...but obviously it was a game. I hurt bad today...but it is all "good" pain. And the funny thing is...NO SHIN PAIN! Those of you who know shin splints...these are "overuse injuries". How can a shin that was overused and causing pain...run a marathon and feel better? No Orthopedic Doctor on the planet would have let me run that marathon without weeks of rest and lots of pills!

If all of you knew me and saw me when I was at rock bottom with TMS pain, you would have seen a guy who:

1. Could barely walk across the street without terrible knee pain
2. Could not write without use of an adaptive pencil holding tool (RSI in wrists and hands)
3. Could not type three letters without nearly coming to tears
4. Could not drive a car without a hand drive adpative kit ($10,000 installed) due to ankle pain

I could keep going, but you get the picture.

Well...there you have it. THe night before I almost quit. The day after I became one of the few people on this planet that can say they ran a marathon. By the way, I ran the WHOLE thing non stop, no walking. My time was 4 hrs 9 mins 30 secs. I guess I will do Disney in January and do it under 4 hrs! Hip Hip Horay for Dr Sarno...(and me)! "

 

Hi Joyce, keep battling those doubts. I know how that is. I've just gone through that first with my Achilles last year, then with my knee an shoulder recently. I've mentioned it before, but this past year was the most stressful year of work in the last 4 or 5 years. I don't think it's a coincidence that it was also the worst year of injury for me. I think my focus on my thoughts and feelings surrounding the stressful situation has been what's been helping me the most with my TMS.

That post you found from that guy is awesome! It's great to find a success story like that. Try to look for the various evidences that it's TMS. For me, I allowed a really ample amount of time for my knee to heal before I started running again. There was no reason it should hurt still. It sounds like you're trying to build up the confidence in the TMS diagnosis which is the right to do. And, of course, focusing on the psychological.

I'll admit that it was very difficult to keep on running while my knee pain was on again, off again and then recently starting up my bike training again, all while I was still feeling the knee a little bit. But like you, I've built slowly and steadily. Yesterday, I did that sprint tri and the awesome thing is I completed it without any pain at all. The best part of the day was crossing that finish line... exhausted, pain free, although at the time I felt like throwing up.

E

 

Hi Enrique – congrats on your sprint tri! That’s so awesome! I think your knee was just a little TMS trying to interfere. You have plenty of base training so there’s no reason for an injury.

I’m a big believer in that when we are going through difficult times in our lives, TMS always rears its ugly head. I had an extremely tough fall/winter and ended up with shin and IT band problems in January which derailed my whole winter training for Boston. So it would make sense that your worst year of work would coincide with many “injuries”.

My big stressor this year ended on Memorial Day weekend. Up to that point I was harboring a lot of tension and my TMS was making small appearances here and there in my early months of marathon training. But I was able to get through Memorial Day weekend and put things behind me. I think my shin is a result of this earlier stress. It’s tricky because my shin is the area that causes me the most fear. I always think back to when I kept running on my shin for a couple months only making things worse and worse. I failed at trying to believe it was TMS…..

I was doing well this past Friday not letting the fear creep into my tempo run. While I felt a few brief twinges initially I was feeling confident that I was strong and healthy. I was very happy about the run. We then packed and left for the Meditation/Running retreat that evening. I was in good spirits and ready to learn about meditation and make my life better as a result. Things were looking promising!

To my great surprise and dismay, I noticed my shin felt sore walking down the stair case of the B&B on Saturday morning. When I tested my shin I was so bummed to feel soreness. “What the heck!!??” Where did this come from??? I felt fine last night!!

During the workshop we did this very slow 5 mile meditative run later in the morning and my shin was talking to me the whole run (off and on). It was such a disappointment. I was trying hard to believe it was TMS, but my shin is my “Achilles Heel”. It has such power over me. I’ve had a real shin injury in the past where the bone was swollen and tender. But I’ve also had shin pain that was TMS. I did my best to stay in good spirits during the workshop and was hopeful all the meditation might pull me back. (it was a really great workshop BTW )

On Sunday morning I ran from our B&B to Karme Cholling (the meditation center) for 2 miles and felt my shin right off and that is usually the sign that things will only get worse. If the soreness starts when I run I usually know I’m in trouble. It will fade later during the run and feel better after the run but then the next day is only worse. And it’s a downward spiral for there. Luckily it wasn’t too bad on the 8 miler we did later on Sunday morning. Part of the run I ran faster with Scott and even did some fast hills at the end trying to prove to myself this is TMS and I’m not fragile. I didn’t seem to make things worse. Today I was anticipating that my shin might be worse but it is not. So this is hope that my shin soreness is TMS and not a real injury.

Tomorrow I have a track workout and it scares me to pieces! I am probably going to send my coach an email and see what she thinks. Part of me wants to do it and prove to my subconscious that I’m not fragile and do not need this TMS any longer. But part of me wants to be gentle and just give myself an easier run so I don’t push my luck. It’s a roller coaster ride.

For now,
Joyce

 

This morning I got the OK from my coach to skip the track workout today even though my shin isn't doing badly right now. She said there's more to lose than to gain which made a lot of sense. In the past I never started track works this early in my marathon training (month #3) and still did well. So it’s not a big deal if I can’t do all my track workouts this June. I’ll just take it one day at a time.

My shin is about the same as yesterday. I am feeling more confident that it is TMS. When I test it I feel some light twinges briefly on the first couple of steps as I jog here inside the office at work (just a few short strides) but then it feels fine. So instead of a track workout later today, I’ll just do 7 easy/moderate miles with my husband. One thing I learned at the Running/Meditation workshop was to be kind and gentle to myself . This seems like a good decision. Plus it will let me build up my confidence that I’m just dealing with more TMS.

 

That's great that you skipped the track workout. I read your post late yesterday and didn't get a chance to reply, but that's exactly what I was thinking you should consider doing.

What seemed to work for me with my recent pains was to ease into the workouts rather than take the grit-my-teeth-through-the-pain approach. I've only gone as far as my confidence level allowed me to go. I sometimes have pushed a little more, just past that point where I felt comfortable, and I sometimes felt a little bit of a sensation, not pain. I guess it's more of the progressive load approach and it appears to be working fine. I still haven't done a really hard bike workout or ran hills yet, but that's coming soon, as soon as I feel the confidence to do it. I think you're right about the build-up of the confidence. Lack of confidence leaves us susceptible to the TMS pain mechanisms that are working below are conscious mind.

 

Hi Enrique - It's been a roller coaster for sure and now my shin is really bad. Hoping to find a TMS doc! Here's my plea :

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/need-tms-doc-and-help-shin-splint-is-back-again.2205/

 

I hope the doctor visit helps!!

 

I look forward to visiting the TMS doc in a couple weeks. Right now I've taken off a few days to give my shin and mind a rest. It's getting better and I hope to run in a couple days or so. Luckily I have my bikes and did a nice ride yesterday and will commute to work a few days this week.

Hope all is well with everyone else. I'll report back in a few days when I'm up and running

 

Hi,

I totally understand about the rollercoaster ride. I've been going through that too. On Thursday night, after my swim session, my shoulder really acted up and the next day my knee started acting up too for no good reason. I don't have a TMS doc that I see here in California which I hope to change when I switch from the HMO to PPO at the end of the year. However, until then, I'm on my own from a diagnosing myself standpoint. For now, I'm trying my best to convince myself that the pain is TMS and this back and forth, rollercoaster feeling is just part of the TMS pain cycle with extinction bursts hitting me. I've taken to reading Alan's posts and going through the new recovery program... really focusing on getting my mind off the symptoms.

I went for a run on Saturday, a 6 mile tempo run, and felt fine. There was no knee pain. I will go for a spin session tonight at the gym and swimming tomorrow. And despite how my shoulder feels will try to do it without fear as much as I can. I'll report back on how that goes.

 

Went for a really easy swim today. Just 800 yards with absolutely no intensity... like the equivalent of running on the moon and my shoulder felt just fine.... again, more fuel to my belief that this is just TMS. I will slowly ramp up the distance (not intensity) for a while until my believe and confidence in my shoulder comes back gradually. I think I should mention again that this original injury happened 1 year ago.... our bodies heal so there should be no injury there still.... this is likely all psychosomatic.

I've also really started to focus on my daily meditations. I bought the book, 8 Minute Meditation, last Friday and have started a daily meditation practice! Wish me luck on that. I've also started reading Waking the Tiger which is about healing trauma. I have come to think that I might have a lot of unresolved trauma from my life. And I'm hoping that what I learn from this book will assist me in better understanding and resolving that.

Hope all is well with you and anyone else reading this!