Many kinds of strange pains on face. I'm stuck please help!

Hello. This is my first post here.
I'm not American and my English is not very good. So this might be having some grammatical errors and weird expressions. Sorry for that.

I think I have TMS and I read one of Sarno's book (Healing Back Pain) 3 months ago and I'm trying to do what he says, but I think I'm stuck. I am really desperate, like everyone else here. If you have advices or any comments, please help me.

My pain is... kind of complicated. Mixture of many things. Headaches, facial pain, difficulty opening eyes, and even toothaches.

My history is a bit.. too long.


1. BEFORE TMS STARTED

I had a double-eyelid surgery with some kind of ptosis surgery 1 and half year ago. Double-eyelid surgery is very common plastic surgery in my country. (Now I think this is crazy.) My mom really wanted me to have that. She even persuaded me to have that for months. And my surgeon also said I had ptosis, so I had to have ptosis surgery as well. (Later I found out that I had no ptosis or anything and to earn more money many plastic surgeons persuade patients who have not very big eyes that they have ptosis so that they have extra ptosis surgery.) After that diagnosis, my mother told me that the reason I was often tired was because I had ptosis and I had to have that surgery.

I'd been working for several years then, and I decided to pursue a PhD and I successfully got admissions, and It was just before I came to US to study.

Part of me was a bit worried that my non-existent ptosis might be an obstacle to my future study, and another part of me was also bit hoping that I could be prettier. Anyway, I received that surgery just before coming to US. And first, I was devastated by my new look. I didn't like it at all. I hadn't think I had been pretty, but at that time I realized how much I liked my original eyes and face. I cried all day and all night and didn't eat.

Anyway, I couldn't give up my admission so I had to come to US. I was desperately trying to improve my mood, but around after 1 and half month of the surgery, my eyes started go get very uncomfortable. It was very hard to open my eyes. I felt like something is pushing my eyelids down. I was extremely scared. I had to take a medical leave because of this, and I came back to my country.

I visited a dozen of surgeons when I came back to consult my condition. The scariest thing was that almost all of them said they didn't know the reason why I was having trouble opening my eyes. Many of them actually suggested to consult a psychiatrist, saying I had some kind of psychosis. I was so frightened and I had a tremendous fear that I may not be able to open my eyes freely again. I worried and worried and cried and cried endlessly. I was sure that my eye problem was not due to psychogenic cause, but it was too hard to just live on so I visited psychiatrist and took strong antidepressants and some benzos for 2 months. (This eye problem was not TMS. Now I'm convinced that I'm having TMS but this is a separate story.)

After months of searching, eventually, I found a surgeon who said he knew the reason why I was having trouble. He said my problem was due to some wrong conglutination between tissues in my eyelids caused by wrong method of surgery and excessive scarring. So I received a revision surgery from him. Instantly after that, I could open my eyes well. But my eyes were still not very comfortable as they used to be, so I was worried. And I didn't know I had to wean off gradually from my antidepressants and benzos so I stopped them cold turkey. As a result I suffered from huge withdrawal syndrome for 2-3 weeks.


2. AFTER TMS STARTED

It was at that time my chronic pain started. (Now FINALLY begins the TMS story.) It was after the revision surgery, I was in part relieved that I could open my eyes well again but I was also very worried because my eyes were not comfortable enough and my original look did not come back.

This was around 10 months ago. So I guess I'm having TMS for 10 months now.

First, I suffered from withdrawal syndrome. But after that, I started to have a strange, very bad feeling or pain on my forehead. It was not a normal headache-kind of pain. I repeatedly had to frown or strain my forehead to find a temporarily relief for that. Also I had some tension headaches on my temples.

Of course I visited several neurologists and did MRI & MRA scan, EEG, EMG, all sorts of tests and they all came normal. First I suspected I got some nerve damages during the revision surgery. But the pain characteristic did not match that of pains due to nerve damages at all, and all doctors said my pain is absolutely not caused by nerve damages. (And even if I had nerve damages, why do I have pain on my forehead rather than my eyelids?)

Some doctor gave me anticonvulsants, some gave me strong painkillers, and some strongly recommended to consult a psychiatrist so I visited a psychiatrist again and took antidepressants and benzos again. But all of these medications did not work. Some of them provided only temporary relief for 3-4 days and the pain returned. I also consulted some doctors of oriental medicine and took some herbal medicine and received acupuncture. One doctor said that my pain was due to tense muscle on my neck, so I also received physiotherapy for many months, even though I had absolutely no pain on my neck whatsoever. Anyway all of them did not work. Even painkillers had virtually no effect on my symptoms. I even tried hypnotherapy, but I couldn't be hypnotized.


3. MY PERSONALITY AND PREVIOUS PAIN HISTORY

I have all the personalities described in Sarno's books. I am perfectionistic, I try very hard not to be a burden to others, I can't turn down others' requests well, I always worry a lot about things, I have very low self-esteem, I feel guilty when I do something I want to do, because I think I have to do other things. I care and worry a lot about what others think about me.

My mother told me that I had a tic for several months when I first entered a kindergarten. I was 5 then.

My father was very strict and hysterical, and had very disparaging attitude toward my mother. My father used to use a lot of curse words and even beat my mother. My parents got divorced when I was 10. I strongly wanted to live with my mother but my father didn't let me, so I had to live with my father for several months. I was devastated then and I cried day and night and I slept over 17 hours a day to escape from the reality. Few months later my mother sued my father and I could live with my mother from then. (My father died 10 years after that.)

When I was 15, I had some strange symptoms. I was having some hard time with my friends at school. I formed a habit of hyperventilating. I breathed very hard and much more frequently than normal. It disappeared after several months.

When I was 21, few days before I first visited Australia as an exchange student, I started to have an ankle pain. It was my first visit to a foreign country. There was no accident or cause whatsoever. It continued after I arrived Australia, but I had so many places to visit to process my arrival so I kind of ignored it. It disappeared after 10 days or so.

When I was 25, after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I had a chronic fatigue for many months. It was very severe and I used to drop off a lot during daytime. I even suspected I had a narcolepsy so I had some polysomnography, and surprisingly I was diagnosed as narcoleptic. But after I took a pill of stimulant I couldn't sleep for days and I decided not to take the medicine and not to believe the diagnosis. The chronic fatigue lasted several months, but after that I was absolutely OK. (So the narcolepsy diagnosis was COMPLETELY WRONG.)

Of course I didn't know about TMS then and all these symptoms disappeared after several months by themselves.

Now I'm 30. Now I'm having strange pain on my forehead with other pains.


4. CHRONIC PAIN DEVELOPMENT

My tension headaches on temples disappeared 2-3 months later they started, but my strange pain on my forehead persisted. And it slowly went down to my brow. I was (and am) obsessed by my symptoms and I searched for the possible cause for my symptoms on internet every day. It was very scary that I couldn't find anyone with the same symptom as me. It was around then I discovered about Sarno's ideas while searching net.

My pain didn't improved, but I had to come back to my school not to lose my admission 3 months ago. It was then I read “Healing Back Pain” by John Sarno. But after reading it my symptom didn't improved much. My pain continued to go down slowly to the region between my eyes. From 2 months ago I started to write journals. Around that time my pain started to jump around. Some day, the pain was on my upper nose. On some days I had real headaches, on some I had pain on my forehead again. On some days I had no pain but it was again hard to open my eyes (It was nothing like before the revision surgery, but it was uncomfortable.) The funny thing is, when one pain presents, others virtually disappear. From yesterday, I even started to have strange toothache all of a sudden on all my front and canine teeth. When I have that toothache, I don't have other pains. Now I'm feeling like I'm crazy.

Also the severity of my pain depends a lot on my stress levels. My pain is 24/7 and continuous with varying degree.


5. MY EMOTIONS

I regretted that I had that plastic surgery over and over. I thought it would have been better if I had some accident or something. Even if my look became more similar to my original look after the revision surgery, I still couldn't like my look. I couldn't bear the thought that I chose to have this surgery by myself. I couldn't like my look, and I was (and am) very worried that this symptom may not go away for good.

I know I was not a kid and the final decision was made by me, but I hated and cursed my mother so so much, because she persuaded me to have that surgery for such a long time and didn't even try to find a doctor who can fix my condition after my eyes got uncomfortable. I had a big rage for her and I expressed it toward her by cursing her many times.

I also had a rage toward myself that I decided to have that surgery without investigating a lot about it.

I also had a such a big rage for my first surgeon because he recommended me with unnecessary ptosis surgery and he even did it wrong so that I couldn't open my eyes. And while visiting so many doctors (plastic surgeons, neurologists, ..) I developed tremendous rage about doctors in general, because they were so arrogant and many plastic surgeons only concerned about their income.

And I have a lot of anxiety too. My personality has been pessimistic at best, and now I'm very worried my symptom would ruin my career and life.

And my days here in grad school is very stressing. I have a lot to do and my performance is severely suffering because of my symptoms. I really don't want to give others excuses that I have pain so I can't work well, but sometimes I couldn't help. Actually I don't even have enough time to re-read Sarno's books.


6. SO, PLEASE HELP ME!

First, thank you so much to you who've read toward this far. I didn't think this to be this long at first, but I kind of have a long history, so...

It's been 3 months since I read a Sarno's book. And I've been journaling for 1 and half month now, and the time my pain started to shift rapidly coincides with when I started to journal. But I don't think I have much insight from journaling. Because, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I have so much rage toward myself, my mother, doctors, and other things that give me my daily stress. Even now, sometimes my rage toward my mother and my first surgeon is still so profound that I have difficult time bearing it. So I don't find anything new while I am journaling. I just revisit my bad emotions and rages while journaling, and it is kind of boring.

And actually everyday here has been pretty much the same and I have the same stressors every day so my journal is kind of the same every day.

I ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE that my symptoms are caused by psychosomatic causes. What other things can explain all these strange symptoms? But I'm not sure this was caused by my ‘repressed' rage or anxiety. I already have tremendous amount of known rage and anxiety. And every day I am worried if this symptom would ruin my performance, career, and my life.

And my symptoms are kind of shifting every day but I haven't achieved considerable improvement. I'm journaling but I can't discover my hidden emotions or anything from that. I had some difficult time in my childhood and my personalities are just like what Sarno described, so I sometimes journal about my personalities I don't like, but otherwise I don't know what to do next.

I tried to talk to my brain several times when I had severe pain to no avail. I don't fear any physical activity because my pain is not on my back or my knee. Even if I know I don't have any structural problem whatsoever, I have a tremendous fear that this may not go away and ruin my career and life. My fear is not that I'm damaged structurally (I know I'm not). My fear is just that this may not go away. The fact this is a psychosomatic symptom does not mean this will go away.

I try not to think about my symptoms but it is very hard because this is kind of 24/7. I admit that I'm obsessed with this. And it is hard for me to visit a TMS physician now, because of my financial and regional conditions.


I know this is a very long post, sorry.
Any ideas, thoughts, comments, or advices?

Thank you so much.

 

Hi, Tiny Wings.
Sorry no one got back to you. We're usually right on top of posts and try to help.
You have stresses and anxieties about your mother and grad school. That's enough to give anyone TMS.
It's good that you recognize your problems are not structural but emotional, as they are for many of us.

Have you tried journaling to discover your hidden emotions? It helped me a lot. Write about a half hour a day
about anything that may be causing your stress. You might begin with your mother because that is a big one
for a lot of us. Write down your earliest memories of her and your relationship. Why are you so angry about her?

That may bring up memories you'd rather forget, but it's very important to write about them. That will eventually
take the repressed emotion(s) away and the pain with it.

You could also do the same about grad school. Write about the subjects you're taking and which ones cause you
problems. We say living in the present brings peace to us, but maybe it would help you if you leaped ahead to
what positive things will happen after you graduate. The rainbow comes after the rain falls, if you don't mind
me saying something obvious.

Please do reply and let me and others on the TMSWiki forum know how you're doing.

 

Thank you so much for your reply. But I think I'm stuck because that is exactly I've been journaling about. I haven't addressed my childhoods yet, but I wrote a lot about my mother, surgery, my surgeon, and also a lot about everyday life and stressors. And I can't find anything new from that. I just revisit my known emotions. It's not like "I don't know what I'm having rage about". I have a lot what I'm having rage about and I know it. I don't think I have any more 'repressed' rages.

And I don't know how to journal to discover my hidden emotions, if there is any. I try to think a lot about my emotions when I'm journaling, but I end up with just revisiting my known rage, anxiety, and worries. Actually I'm wondering if I have any important 'hidden' emotions. My doubt about TMS is not that if this is structural but that this is just caused by some tremendous stressful events, not by 'repressed emotions'.

I loved my mother very much before the surgery. We had such a good relationship. My mother raised me alone without my father after she got divorced and I am the only child. I think I am kind of feeling betrayed by her or something. She persuaded me to receive an unnecessary plastic surgery without even investigating about it and also persuaded me that I felt often tired because of my non-existent ptosis without even knowing what ptosis was. And after the surgery she kept telling me that my new look was very pretty even though she thought it was not, to cover up her faults. (She later admitted that she didn't like the new look either and apologized for that.) She didn't try to search for a doctor who can fix my problems, she just kept insisting that I revisit my first surgeon. Now she is apologizing profusely and is saying "all is her fault".

Actually I know it is not. Part of that is my fault, I was not a kid, I made the final decision. Maybe I need someone to blame other than myself, maybe. But anyway I wrote a lot about her in my journal too, but it's not helping my symptoms.

 

Tiny Wings)- Hello. This is my first post here.
I think I have TMS and I read one of Sarno's book (Healing Back Pain) 3 months ago and I'm trying to do what he says, but I think I'm stuck. I am really desperate, like everyone else here. If you have advices or any comments, please help me.

Eric)- Ok this is the first pressure indicating tms, your trying to do what the good Doctor says which means you are worried if your doing it right, and your wanting it to happen now and your worried your stuck. Now listen you do this application with calmness ok. So do meditations that calm your inner self. Don't say words like desperate ok they have a way of really putting you in a desperate situation in your perception of course so make sure you say ( I got this -- no problem , no issue I can and will win) Then just let the healing come as you learn more and more about the journey in a calm relaxed manner.

Remember theirs lots more to learn about than the family right, which is a very important part of the recovery but you need to focus on your life pressures , why you have them and why do you react the way you do to them.
You have lost a relationship to something and we will find that for sure, then you have the reprogramming and the conditioning of the thought control so you wont just keep getting imperative after imperative or symptom after symptom. This is knowledge therapy dear and the knowledge heals you but you have to know how to handle lifes pressures and how to smile when all those pressures are closing in. Like now you might be thinking -- Dam this pain -- that thought is still focus on the body, you have got to over time reprogram this area ok.

Tiny Wings)- My pain is... kind of complicated. Mixture of many things. Headaches, facial pain, difficulty opening eyes, and even toothaches. My history is a bit.. too long.

1. BEFORE TMS STARTED

I had a double-eyelid surgery with some kind of ptosis surgery 1 and half year ago. Double-eyelid surgery is very common plastic surgery in my country. (Now I think this is crazy.) My mom really wanted me to have that. She even persuaded me to have that for months. And my surgeon also said I had ptosis, so I had to have ptosis surgery as well. (Later I found out that I had no ptosis or anything and to earn more money many plastic surgeons persuade patients who have not very big eyes that they have ptosis so that they have extra ptosis surgery.) After that diagnosis, my mother told me that the reason I was often tired was because I had ptosis and I had to have that surgery.

I'd been working for several years then, and I decided to pursue a PhD and I successfully got admissions, and It was just before I came to US to study.

Part of me was a bit worried that my non-existent ptosis might be an obstacle to my future study, and another part of me was also bit hoping that I could be prettier. Anyway, I received that surgery just before coming to US. And first, I was devastated by my new look. I didn't like it at all. I hadn't think I had been pretty, but at that time I realized how much I liked my original eyes and face. I cried all day and all night and didn't eat.

Anyway, I couldn't give up my admission so I had to come to US. I was desperately trying to improve my mood, but around after 1 and half month of the surgery, my eyes started go get very uncomfortable. It was very hard to open my eyes. I felt like something is pushing my eyelids down. I was extremely scared. I had to take a medical leave because of this, and I came back to my country.

I visited a dozen of surgeons when I came back to consult my condition. The scariest thing was that almost all of them said they didn't know the reason why I was having trouble opening my eyes. Many of them actually suggested to consult a psychiatrist, saying I had some kind of psychosis. I was so frightened and I had a tremendous fear that I may not be able to open my eyes freely again. I worried and worried and cried and cried endlessly. I was sure that my eye problem was not due to psychogenic cause, but it was too hard to just live on so I visited psychiatrist and took strong antidepressants and some benzos for 2 months. (This eye problem was not TMS. Now I'm convinced that I'm having TMS but this is a separate story.)

After months of searching, eventually, I found a surgeon who said he knew the reason why I was having trouble. He said my problem was due to some wrong conglutination between tissues in my eyelids caused by wrong method of surgery and excessive scarring. So I received a revision surgery from him. Instantly after that, I could open my eyes well. But my eyes were still not very comfortable as they used to be, so I was worried. And I didn't know I had to wean off gradually from my antidepressants and benzos so I stopped them cold turkey. As a result I suffered from huge withdrawal syndrome for 2-3 weeks.

Eric)- Ok you know that you have got to let go of those worries right, tms works off stress so meditate as much as possible to calm your over sensitization. You can open your eyes well now and the next surgery in the US was a success but you still didn't have that original feel so you'll have to learn focusing by Eugene gendlin and other forms of letting go so you can learn right here on the tms recovery program ok. http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program




Tiny Wings)- 2. AFTER TMS STARTED

It was at that time my chronic pain started. (Now FINALLY begins the TMS story.) It was after the revision surgery, I was in part relieved that I could open my eyes well again but I was also very worried because my eyes were not comfortable enough and my original look did not come back.

This was around 10 months ago. So I guess I'm having TMS for 10 months now.

First, I suffered from withdrawal syndrome. But after that, I started to have a strange, very bad feeling or pain on my forehead. It was not a normal headache-kind of pain. I repeatedly had to frown or strain my forehead to find a temporarily relief for that. Also I had some tension headaches on my temples.

Of course I visited several neurologists and did MRI & MRA scan, EEG, EMG, all sorts of tests and they all came normal. First I suspected I got some nerve damages during the revision surgery. But the pain characteristic did not match that of pains due to nerve damages at all, and all doctors said my pain is absolutely not caused by nerve damages. (And even if I had nerve damages, why do I have pain on my forehead rather than my eyelids?)

Some doctor gave me anticonvulsants, some gave me strong painkillers, and some strongly recommended to consult a psychiatrist so I visited a psychiatrist again and took antidepressants and benzos again. But all of these medications did not work. Some of them provided only temporary relief for 3-4 days and the pain returned. I also consulted some doctors of oriental medicine and took some herbal medicine and received acupuncture. One doctor said that my pain was due to tense muscle on my neck, so I also received physiotherapy for many months, even though I had absolutely no pain on my neck whatsoever. Anyway all of them did not work. Even painkillers had virtually no effect on my symptoms. I even tried hypnotherapy, but I couldn't be hypnotized.

Eric)- All of this tells you that you have to come to peace with what you went through with the surgery , hence the reason for your tms. It would be good to let go what happened to you but you cant just let go -- you have got to be reprogrammed ok - so do the tms recovery program, ask a lot of questions here and you should do fine.


Tiny Wings)- 3. MY PERSONALITY AND PREVIOUS PAIN HISTORY

I have all the personalities described in Sarno's books. I am perfectionistic, I try very hard not to be a burden to others, I can't turn down others' requests well, I always worry a lot about things, I have very low self-esteem, I feel guilty when I do something I want to do, because I think I have to do other things. I care and worry a lot about what others think about me.

My mother told me that I had a tic for several months when I first entered a kindergarten. I was 5 then.

My father was very strict and hysterical, and had very disparaging attitude toward my mother. My father used to use a lot of curse words and even beat my mother. My parents got divorced when I was 10. I strongly wanted to live with my mother but my father didn't let me, so I had to live with my father for several months. I was devastated then and I cried day and night and I slept over 17 hours a day to escape from the reality. Few months later my mother sued my father and I could live with my mother from then. (My father died 10 years after that.)

When I was 15, I had some strange symptoms. I was having some hard time with my friends at school. I formed a habit of hyperventilating. I breathed very hard and much more frequently than normal. It disappeared after several months.

When I was 21, few days before I first visited Australia as an exchange student, I started to have an ankle pain. It was my first visit to a foreign country. There was no accident or cause whatsoever. It continued after I arrived Australia, but I had so many places to visit to process my arrival so I kind of ignored it. It disappeared after 10 days or so.

When I was 25, after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I had a chronic fatigue for many months. It was very severe and I used to drop off a lot during daytime. I even suspected I had a narcolepsy so I had some polysomnography, and surprisingly I was diagnosed as narcoleptic. But after I took a pill of stimulant I couldn't sleep for days and I decided not to take the medicine and not to believe the diagnosis. The chronic fatigue lasted several months, but after that I was absolutely OK. (So the narcolepsy diagnosis was COMPLETELY WRONG.)

Of course I didn't know about TMS then and all these symptoms disappeared after several months by themselves.

Now I'm 30. Now I'm having strange pain on my forehead with other pains.


4. CHRONIC PAIN DEVELOPMENT

My tension headaches on temples disappeared 2-3 months later they started, but my strange pain on my forehead persisted. And it slowly went down to my brow. I was (and am) obsessed by my symptoms and I searched for the possible cause for my symptoms on internet every day. It was very scary that I couldn't find anyone with the same symptom as me. It was around then I discovered about Sarno's ideas while searching net.

My pain didn't improved, but I had to come back to my school not to lose my admission 3 months ago. It was then I read “Healing Back Pain” by John Sarno. But after reading it my symptom didn't improved much. My pain continued to go down slowly to the region between my eyes. From 2 months ago I started to write journals. Around that time my pain started to jump around. Some day, the pain was on my upper nose. On some days I had real headaches, on some I had pain on my forehead again. On some days I had no pain but it was again hard to open my eyes (It was nothing like before the revision surgery, but it was uncomfortable.) The funny thing is, when one pain presents, others virtually disappear. From yesterday, I even started to have strange toothache all of a sudden on all my front and canine teeth. When I have that toothache, I don't have other pains. Now I'm feeling like I'm crazy.

Also the severity of my pain depends a lot on my stress levels. My pain is 24/7 and continuous with varying degree.


5. MY EMOTIONS

I regretted that I had that plastic surgery over and over. I thought it would have been better if I had some accident or something. Even if my look became more similar to my original look after the revision surgery, I still couldn't like my look. I couldn't bear the thought that I chose to have this surgery by myself. I couldn't like my look, and I was (and am) very worried that this symptom may not go away for good.

I know I was not a kid and the final decision was made by me, but I hated and cursed my mother so so much, because she persuaded me to have that surgery for such a long time and didn't even try to find a doctor who can fix my condition after my eyes got uncomfortable. I had a big rage for her and I expressed it toward her by cursing her many times.

I also had a rage toward myself that I decided to have that surgery without investigating a lot about it.

I also had a such a big rage for my first surgeon because he recommended me with unnecessary ptosis surgery and he even did it wrong so that I couldn't open my eyes. And while visiting so many doctors (plastic surgeons, neurologists, ..) I developed tremendous rage about doctors in general, because they were so arrogant and many plastic surgeons only concerned about their income.

And I have a lot of anxiety too. My personality has been pessimistic at best, and now I'm very worried my symptom would ruin my career and life.

And my days here in grad school is very stressing. I have a lot to do and my performance is severely suffering because of my symptoms. I really don't want to give others excuses that I have pain so I can't work well, but sometimes I couldn't help. Actually I don't even have enough time to re-read Sarno's books.

Eric)- Ok dear everything above falls into the tms catastrophizing rule, you definitely are tmsing so make room to study the tms recovery progam I gave you the link to above, if you want to get your edge back and get better you'll have to learn to let go , forgive and move on but you cant this in a day or even 3 months -- you'll only do it when you have your self imposed pressures under control and that takes learning the knowledge and reprogramming ok.


6. SO, PLEASE HELP ME!

First, thank you so much to you who've read toward this far. I didn't think this to be this long at first, but I kind of have a long history, so...

It's been 3 months since I read a Sarno's book. And I've been journaling for 1 and half month now, and the time my pain started to shift rapidly coincides with when I started to journal. But I don't think I have much insight from journaling. Because, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I have so much rage toward myself, my mother, doctors, and other things that give me my daily stress. Even now, sometimes my rage toward my mother and my first surgeon is still so profound that I have difficult time bearing it. So I don't find anything new while I am journaling. I just revisit my bad emotions and rages while journaling, and it is kind of boring.

Eric)- You have got to learn to love yourself the way you are now, you have to have self compassion in order to heal. You are a special person working toward your PhD, you have the world in your hand now. But the choice is yours, hold onto to this anger or let it go...

Tiny Wings)- And actually everyday here has been pretty much the same and I have the same stressors every day so my journal is kind of the same every day.

Eric)- Its time to learn how to control those stressors instead of them controlling you -- The recovery program will help you here ok.

Tiny Wings)- I ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE that my symptoms are caused by psychosomatic causes. What other things can explain all these strange symptoms? But I'm not sure this was caused by my ‘repressed' rage or anxiety. I already have tremendous amount of known rage and anxiety. And every day I am worried if this symptom would ruin my performance, career, and my life.

Eric)- You have got to loose this focus, it only makes your tms worse.

Tiny Wings)- And my symptoms are kind of shifting every day but I haven't achieved considerable improvement. I'm journaling but I can't discover my hidden emotions or anything from that. I had some difficult time in my childhood and my personalities are just like what Sarno described, so I sometimes journal about my personalities I don't like, but otherwise I don't know what to do next.

Eric)- Don't study the Hidden emotions, you have all the current pressures all laid out here, now you need to recondition to the present pressures ok.

I tried to talk to my brain several times when I had severe pain to no avail. I don't fear any physical activity because my pain is not on my back or my knee. Even if I know I don't have any structural problem whatsoever, I have a tremendous fear that this may not go away and ruin my career and life. My fear is not that I'm damaged structurally (I know I'm not). My fear is just that this may not go away. The fact this is a psychosomatic symptom does not mean this will go away.

Eric)- The above bolded clause you wrote is your tms -- let it go and forgive -- you can learn how to beat this with knowledge,

Tiny Wings)- I try not to think about my symptoms but it is very hard because this is kind of 24/7. I admit that I'm obsessed with this. And it is hard for me to visit a TMS physician now, because of my financial and regional conditions.

Eric)- This is your focus and obsession , its the reason for your tms -- now you can learn how to be free. Its work for sure but its well worth it.

Bless you

 

Tiny Wings, I don't have a lot of time to write much but I just wanted to chime in and offer my support. You are not alone. Take a deep breath. You will get through this.
Eric's given you a lot of good advice; I really have nothing to add to what he said. Other than to say that I have learned to get my anxiety under control by practicing mindfulness and guided imagery. It takes PRACTICE so remember if all you can do one day is a baby step…that's okay.

You'll be okay. Sending you warm thoughts and a hug.

PS Your English is superb.

 

Hi Tiny Wings,

This may sound strange, but I think you should stop journaling. It sounds like it has served its purpose of helping you flesh out and understand your anger towards your mother, your doctor, yourself, etc. But it also sounds like you aren't getting anything new or productive out of it now. Sometimes writing about what you already know can create a deeper understanding of your emotional experience, but reading all of what you wrote, you already have that understanding. Journaling about it over and over seems like it may not be helping you at this stage. The reason journaling may not be helping anymore is, I suspect, because you already know what your hidden emotions are. You've figured out the factors in your childhood and personality that contribute to your TMS. Once you know they are there, and acknowledge their impact, journaling can lose some of its power.

Going forward, I would suggest, as Eric did, Alan Gordon's TMS Recovery Program. This program is unique in that its main message is on being kind to yourself. Given all you have written here, I think focusing on self-compassion may be a good direction for you. Eric said it perfectly: "You have to have self compassion in order to heal." It's a difficult thing, no doubt about it, but it is so, so important. And as North Star said, you are not alone, and you WILL get through this.

Take care,..
Becca

PS: Your English is flawless! (North Star, I stole your PS )

 

You're welcome to steal away anytime, Becca! That's some great advice there.

 

I so agree with Becca. Be kind to yourself and you will get through this. This is just a season in your life.
Those thoughts you are having that the symptoms will ruin your life, try not to accept them and try believe
whether you have pain or not that you are healing. I don't believe if the symptoms are present that
we are not healing. Often, it is the opposite when the symptoms try intensify is because you are healing.
You are healing!!!

 

Tiny Wings. Becca is right about suggesting you stop journaling since you've already found the repressed emotions causing you pain. Dr. Sarno says in Healing Back Pain that we do not need to remind our unconscious mind more than once about a repressed emotion. It "gets it" the first time. Like the Bible says we don't have to keep asking God to forgive us for something over and over again. He "gets it" the first time.

 

Hello Tiny Wings,

I don't think your facial pain is psychosomatic. Although you may have some mental health issues stemming from your negative life experiences, it sounds like your pain could be due to trigeminal neuralgia. This may have been triggered by your eyelid surgery. The trigeminal nerve runs through the face, and can cause nerve pain in the forehead, cheeks, nose, teeth etc. I experienced pain in my face after a car accident. I believe that the trigeminal nerve was irritated due to this. In my case, the pain gradually subsided over the course of a year. I would advise seeking a consultation with a neurologist. You should also continue to get help from a psychiatrist or psychotherapist for your mental health issues. You need to find a way to learn to love and accept who you are today. What's done is done; you have already had the eyelid surgery. There is no going back. You must learn to move forward and find a way to cope. You are young, and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't squander your time obsessing about what could have been.

 

Hi Dare2bdifferent, Trigeminal Nerve pain is TMS.

[In Dr. Sarno's own words]: "A number of years ago I had an episode of dental nerve pain that could not be explained. After suffering it for a few months, I was looking at anatomical drawings of the nervous system with patients one day when I came upon a particularly vivid depiction of the nerve supply to the teeth, branches of the fifth nerve, and immediately wondered if the dental pain might be TMS of the trigeminal nerve. I concluded that it was - and the pain was gone in less than forty-eight hours. This is an example of the therapeutic power of awareness as will be described in Part III of this book."

Hi Tiny Wings, Don't fear your symptoms and learn to love yourself and all of your symptoms will be gone. You are exactly what you think about all day long. You symptom is the mirror image of your thought. Negative thought produce negative symptoms, positive thought produce positive symptoms.

Good luck to you.

 

Tiny Wings, you may find this of interest because of your face pains.
Dr.Wayne Dyer, a TMS advocate, wrote a book with his daughter about the warts on her face.
He said she talked to them and told them to be gone and within a day or two they were gone!

The book is for children, called GOODBYE, BUMPS! Talking to What's Bugging you
and is available on amazon.com books in a hardcover book and on Kindle, for $10.
Not saying you need to buy the book, but maybe start talking to your face pains and tell them to go away.
Tell them and your unconscious mind you know they're from TMS.

 

Thanks for this. I have atypical trigeminal neuralgia and one of the sticking points for me is that Sarno was wrong in what he wrote about the trigeminal nerve. Some of the quote is provided by Balto in the post following yours but what is missing from this is where Sarno goes on to say that the nerve is purely sensory. It's not. It also has a motor componant that is used in chewing and such, which is the branch mostly affected by atypical TN. This may not sound like a big deal but when you're wondering whether something is tms or not, it really doesn't help your confidence and does jack for total acceptance.

A few months ago I realised I was getting nowhere with my tms healing. At the time I believed it was due to bruxism. I was out of my mind with unrelenting pain. Long story short, I was finally diagnosed with TN and obtained some much-needed pain relief.

I was hopelessly confused. TN is usually caused by a vein or artery compressing the trigeminal nerve. Over time this erodes the myelin sheath leaving parts of the nerve unprotected, like an uninsulated wire it is exposed. This explains the crucifying nature of the pain. There is a seperate condition called atypical odontalgia which actually sounds like the problem Dr. Sarno suffered with. It is commonly believed to be psychogenic. There are a host of pain conditions that can affect the face and many are recognised by the medical profession as having psychological causes.

Now I have never put much stock in allopathic medicine. I've always followed a complementary path which honours the emotions and respects the body. TMS happily cuddles with many alternative theories and therapies but the protocol of rejecting all but the psychological can be a shot in the foot, especially when dealing with more involved conditions.

Thanks to Forest (who must be weary of hearing this), I'm at peace with an integrative approach. It's right for me. During the years I followed a hardcore Sarno approach I did myself few favours. A more expansive healing path is slowly helping me.

It's very easy to get stuck in a tms doublebind. All illnesses and bodily conditions have an emotional aspect and embracing this is essential to healing but there are many ills that do have 'structural' elements that also require nurturing back to wellness, and by this I don't mean surgery or Big Pharma. Sometimes we need reminding that healing is not a stark choice between conventional western medicine and Sarno. There are many nuances.

It worries me when people insist something is tms when the poor soul seeking help is presenting a case more complex. Let's listen more carefully, respond more mindfully and let the healing circle grow.

 

This ... this, beautiful Plum is exactly why I do not endorse 100% belief in any one healing modality. To put oneself in any box and close the lid is simply another variation of what already ails us. We are not objects to be fixed with an either/or situation. All healing must be approached with an open mind to causes, both structural and emotional.

With the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, I can gather evidence that this is, indeed, psychosomatic. With the degeneration of the joint in my foot, this is structural.

What must be addressed is the fear that comes with pain, no matter what the cause. Fear will make all situations worse. Fear often will cause other symptoms unrelated to the primary issue, which muddies terribly the ability to diagnose.

There are may paths to healing. Our minds are very powerful. But we cannot heal alone. We need a community, such as this, and we at times will need a medical doctor.

Thank you for this insightful post.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Tiny Wings, I think you have the best plan for your facial pain.
Let doctors do what they think will help. But I hope you also will continue
with TMS techniques, although Becca is probably right that you should stop journaling.

What can you lose by giving the doctors a chance, hopefully with medication?
If that fails, then you know it's TMS.

But also, I hope you will ask God to help heal you. He does have a reputation for healing, you know.

Our hopes and prayers are with you. You are strong and will win this battle.

Be good to yourself. Treat yourself kindly and try to find things to cheer you along the way to healing.
It will come. God love you.

 

Your bio says you're from Princeton, NJ. See a TMS doctor for another diagnosis. Here's a list of TMS practitioners from this site's list in NJ, there may be others in the Tri-States area closer to you also:

G'luck!


New Jersey


Jeffrey Axelbank, PsyDJeffrey H. Axelbank, Psy.D. (Therapist)
Jeffrey Axelbank is a psychologist in Highland Park, New Jersey, with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology. He has been in practice for 17 years, and began treating patients with TMS about ten years ago. He writes, "As a psychologist, I know that sometimes people with TMS need additional help identifying the underlying issues that are driving their TMS pain. Or even if they have identified the issues, getting relief from the pain may take more help in working with those issues. I have treated many people with TMS and a variety of manifestations (for example, neck and back pain, bursitis, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia). Working with me can help to both come to terms with some of the underlying issues, as well as help develop strategies for using this knowledge to reduce your pain and discomfort, and to resume a more normal life." Dr. Axelbank has also suffered from TMS. (Source)

Available via Phone
727 Raritan Avenue
Highland Park, NJ 08904
Tel: (732) 572-8848
dr.jeff@jeffreyaxelbankpsyd.com
Website / Survey Response




Margaret Chan, PhDMargaret Chan, PhD (Therapist)
Dr. Margaret Chan is a licensed psychologist in both New Jersey and New York with clinical experience in trauma work, developmental and health psychology since 2002. She has a joint appointment as volunteer Clinical Assistant Professor at University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ)-Robert Wood Johnson Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry and Family Medicine. She has presented internationally and nationally in the areas of client anger, alexithymia, violence, short-term psychodynamic therapy and resilience.

Dr. Chan frequently collarborates with Dr. Paul Gwozdz, below, to help TMS patients. On Dr. Gwozdz's website, he writes, "I am also pleased to announce that a PhD psychotherapist has now joined me in treating TMS patients. Dr. Margaret Chan generally sees patients in my office but is also available by telephone or skype for subsequent visits for out of town patients. She is a psychodynamic psychotherapist with an expertise in anger and remains intent on helping the patient to become pain free as rapidly as possible. She has been working with me since mid-2010 and has shown herself to be extremely effective in treating TMS patients. She has also trained under Dr. Sarno's primary psychotherapist Dr. Arlene Feinblatt."

Available via Skype
516 Easton Avenue Suite 2nd Floor
Somerset, NJ 08873
(732) 545-4100
(732) 545-4102 fax
margaretchanphd@gmail.com
Website




Bob EvansRobert Paul Evans PhD (Therapist)
Available via Phone
163 Engle Street
Englewood, New Jersey, 07631
201-569-3328
TMS Wiki Profile
Survey Response
Dr. Evans has contributed a book review of Waking the Tiger to the wiki.


Paul Gwozdz, MD (Physician)
Dr. Gwozdz is a board certified family physician in New Jersey who was cured of back pain by Dr. Sarno. He changed career paths at age 40, transitioning from working as an engineer and engineering manager to starting medical school. After completing his family practice residency in 2000, Dr. Gwozdz went to NYU to train under Dr. Sarno. He now operates a family practice in New Jersey that specializes in the treatment of TMS. In helping his patients, Dr. Gwozdz follows Dr. Sarno's techniques in how he screens and diagnoses his patients, and how he structures their treatment. He also holds lectures to educate his patients about TMS. These are generally held every five weeks on Mondays at 6:00 PM (EST). (Source)

Dr. Gwozdz also spoke at the first TMS conference in Ann Arbor. He frequently refers TMS patients to TMS psychologist Margaret Chan, PhD, listed above.

Board Certified in Family Practice
710 Easton Avenue Suite 1A
Somerset, NJ 08873
(732) 545-4100
(732) 545-4102 fax
Website
Survey Response
Upcoming Lectures
Insurance Accepted: All PPO plans, Aetna-all products, Amerihealth, Anthem Health Network, Cigna, Consumer Health Network, Horizon-all products expect their medicaid, Medicare, Oxford Health plans, ppoNEXT, Private Health Care Systems, Qualcare, Simplecare




Wendy NewmanWendy Newman, LCSW (Therapist)
Wendy Newman is a therapist based in Montclair, New Jersey. She has attended the 2012 conference for TMS professionals as well as master classes to further her education and training as a TMS therapist. In describing herself and her approach, she writes, “I utilize techniques drawn from short-term dynamic, psychoanalytic and mindfulness-based approaches in order to help my clients make sense of their symptoms and discover more adaptive ways to express their authentic selves.” Wendy also has a personal connection to TMS, as her husband was a patient of Dr. John Sarno's. Wendy herself has also experienced TMS in a variety of symptoms. (Source)

Available via Skype for New Jersey residents
103 Park St., Building B
Montclair, NJ 07042
(973) 567-1668
Insurance Accepted: Medicare
Survey Response / Website


Steven Peskin, MD (Physician)
277 George St
New Brunswick, NJ 08901
(732) 235-6700
Insurance Accepted: HMO, Medicaid, NJ Family Care


Thomas Nordstrom, MD (Physician)
Dr. Thomas Nordstrom has been a personal patient of Dr John Sarno. He used Sarno's methods for his own pain. He says “I also incorporate it in my practice with success in a high percentage of patients. It's real and works.” been helping people resume their normal, active lives with extensive medical knowledge and well-honed surgical skill. He is board-certified by the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons and runs The Center for Orthopedic Care in New Jersey. (Source)

The Center for Orthopedic Care
215 Union Avenue, Suite B
Bridgewater, NJ 08807
(908) 685-8500
(908) 685-8009 fax
TMS Wiki Profile / Survey Response / Website
Insurance Accepted: All including Aetna, Cigna, Medicaid, Medicare, WellCare, Humana, BCBS, United Health Care, Unicare, Wellpoint

 

I still think trigeminal neuralgia is tms, I was diagnosed with it years ago and I was able to get rid of it using what Sarno and Claire Weekes taught. Dr Sarno maybe wrong but I choose to believe him on this one. My reasoning is: Saying: "a vein or artery compressing the trigeminal nerve" is like saying herniated disc compress the nerve in my back and caused back pain. I think if a vein or artery compressing the trigeminal nerve can cause pain, they would ban people from having facial and face massage. I really don't think our bodies are that weak or easy to break down.

Tiny Wings has said she went to numerous physicians and had ton of test done and it all came back normal. She also said she often has anxiety... from what she said in her post I would take a wild guess that she is very likely has tms. I very much like what Lily said in her post "What must be addressed is the fear that comes with pain, no matter what the cause. Fear will make all situations worse. Fear often will cause other symptoms unrelated to the primary issue, which muddies terribly the ability to diagnose." I also like the very practical information from Tennis Tom (TT always give practical advises), it always smart to have professional help.

We have to educate ourselves as much as we can about the medical conditions we have because professional help sometime can do more harm than good. 3 surgeons told me I need back surgery or risking permanent nerve damage. My doctor told me my Fibromyalgia will never go away, I can only "control" it. The doctors all said the same thing about my CFS, gout, IBS, arthritis... They were all wrong.

 

Hello.
I haven't been coming here for a while. Actually I didn't know there have been this many replies here.
Now I don't have enough time to answer and thank all those replies separately, sorry. But I really appreciate all your help.

My status is not good. I have a lot of things to do and I haven't been able to spend time on reading TMS books. But also at the same time I am procrastinating a lot, which has been my personality for a long time and which makes my self-esteem low. My grad school life is very stressful, and I can't help that.

By the way, I stopped journaling. That has become more of a stress than a relief.

These days my pain is still moving around. Once it was even on my eyelids and that made me strongly suspect something in my eyelids was wrong. But strangely these days my eyelids are OK. Also my forehead pain's gone too, from which my pain first started. Recently it is around nose and somewhere between nostril and upper lip. It keeps moving from here to there around my nose even within a day.

I read many articles about facial pain. My pain characteristic does not match that of classical TN that occurs several times a day like an electric shock. My pain is less in intensity but more continuous. Maybe my pain characteristics more coincide with that of atypical trigeminal neuralgia (ATN) of atypical facial pain (AFP), and actually these two don't seem to be clearly classified even among physicians.

And the pain is kind of strange. It does not feel like burning, cramping, tingling, or anything. Just the muscle feels strangely bad and I want to make crease in the muscle. So I have to frown so often. Does anyone have had this kind of pain?

All my test results were negative, but as far as I know ATN of AFP cannot be confirmed by some specific tests. And I tried some benzos, antidepressants, and anticonvulsants and I couldn't find significant relief from them. Maybe I haven't tried enough kinds of medicine, but I don't really want to try more. And typical pain meds are not working for this at all - it is not that the pain is so intense that typical pain meds don't work. It just does not respond to NSAIDS. I also tried Ultraset(Tramadol), a semi-narcotic medicine, and no help from it.

Now I'm not taking any medicine, and the degree of my pain is not to the extent that I'm bedridden. But it's very annoying and depressing and it also affects my work efficiency. Sometimes I feel so-so, and sometimes completely hopeless.

I doubt the hypothesis that my trigeminal nerve is pinched, because my pain is almost always completely symmetric to both sides of the face. I heard most types of TNs are confined to only one side, even though for some people they can be bilateral. But I don't think it is likely that my trigeminal nerves are being pinched completely symmetrically.
But, at the same time, I'm losing trust for TMS theory as well. I don't think I have some particular structural problem, but I'm also not really sure this is due to "repressed anger", because I don't think I have that much repressed anger in my unconscious. (I have much "conscious" anger instead.) I think it may not be structural but I'm not sure it is due to "repressed anger".
And also I'm not sure if this is psychosomatic now. It may not because of pinched trigeminal nerve but because of some unknown reason that medical society has been unable to figure out so far.

And thank you for your information, tennis tom. But I'm afraid I don't think I can afford a therapist or a TMS doctor with my petty grad school stipend... (And I don't even have a car.)

Anyway, thank you for all your help. I really hope this is TMS and I can get rid of it someday... It feels like this is a bad dream or something.

 

Thank you for your reply.
Can I ask what your symptom is and what is the relief you found?

Thank you.