Day 31 New symptoms

After working the program for a month now, when I came to today's Question to Ponder asking about new symptoms after working through other issues, I seems to me that there might be some of this happening. My problem has primarily been sciatica in my right leg since last year around this time. My right leg rarely gives me much trouble these days. Some days I have pain but it's very manageable for the most part. The more frustrating thing is that my left leg has also become involved. I've noticed some pain here and there ever since this past summer and was assured that there was nothing wrong, that I was just favoring my right leg and putting too much pressure on the left, but it really ramped up around Christmas. On Christmas Eve, I was home alone. My husband was out of town at his family's and, as I headed to bed, I noticed a strange vibrating, mild pins-and-needles type sensation begin in my left knee. It ramped up and got "louder" over the course of a half hour so I called my husband because I was so stressed out. He talked me down and I was able to find a comfortable position and get some sleep. Since then, the issues w/ my left leg have continued to cause me stress. The intensity varies. This weekend, my parents came to visit and it really got bad: pain when sitting so bad I would have to get up and walk about, a weak feeling (but no actual weakness in the leg), and almost constant pain throughout my leg. It doesn't seem to follow any kind of logical pattern like down the back of my leg, etc. At times, it really spikes my anxiety. I try to remember that TMS can move around but I constantly think about my last MRI where the radiologist noted that my L5/S1 disk had a 3mm bulge to the left side. I keep asking my husband, who is a radiological technologist, if that could be causing the pain and sensations. He assures me that "no" it can't (he's embraced the TMS diagnosis better than I) but I am having such a hard time embracing and accepting. How does a person face the uncertainty? As I keep journaling, I keep reminding myself that I need to fully accept and believe in the program, refute the physical and focus on the psychological, but I become so overwhelmed sometimes that I find it incredibly difficult to stay focused on the here and how. I want to believe but how do I know I'm not taking a huge risk?

This past week I've also noticed some pain and numbness in my left arm also. Today I awoke with pain in the center of my upper back.

What more can I do to make this idea stick? Each day feels like a constant battle between my mind and body.

 

Just how children will kick and scream even MORE to get the candy they've become accustomed to getting by throwing tantrums, so will our symptoms when we're close to being rid of them - you have a classic case of the symptom imperative, clear-cut TMS.

 

Hi bollib1 I suspect kevin is right but i can understand you are afraid. I am a couple of weeks behind you and today did Day 19. You might like to revisit the discussion there in the educational activity about how to deal with fear of symptoms. Even tho it was about fear of walking i think the strategies would apply to anything...there were lots of different ideas there and i have made note of several. If you trust your husband's medical knowlede that there is nothing structually wrong with you to cause your symptoms, then you probably have nothing to fear but fear itself. Easy to say i know....fear can be crippling! Take care...

 

Hi, Bollib. You say pain came on strong on Christmas Eve while you were alone and your husband was visiting his family. That sounds to me like you may have felt some guilt about not going along. Holidays, especially Christmas, can be a joyful time but also a time when repressed emotions surface.

Kevin is right about your subconscious moving the pain around and giving you new pain, because it knows you are doing the work in the SEProgram.
Fear is one of the most common "pains" that the subcon sends us, especially if it knows you are doing all you can to believe in TMS. It takes total 100 percent belief in TMS to heal. You will get there. It really is a constant battle between the mind and the body. The more you accept that connection, the soon you will heal.