New to forum- lower back pain/spasms.

Steve,
You are discovering what everyone in the TMS world knows, and that is the medical field hasn’t accepted the concept of mind-body healing. It’s really sort of mind-blowing how it isn’t obvious that our minds, and especially our subconscious minds, play such a huge part in our health. But then again, you have to “follow the money,” as journalists say, to find the true story. Who and what will lose money if we all start healing ourselves with TMS work? That said, I don’t think everyone out there is deliberately trying to deceive you. I think they just don’t know any other way to treat people. And that way doesn’t work if you have TMS.

You might like to read Tamara Gurin’s story. She’s active on this wiki, @TG957. She wrote a book, Defying the Verdict, about her recovery and includes all her frustration with the medical world. She healed and is a great TMS warrior.

@BloodMoon, @JanAtheCPA and @Cactusflower have all been to PT and got something from it, but used TMS methods to heal.

Anxiety seems to be the common problem behind all TMS from what I’ve gathered. Everyone has a different way to heal this. Many people talk about Claire Weekes, MD, as the queen of healing anxiety, and love her books, which you can also find on tape somewhere. Other people love Dan Buglio for healing anxiety. His website is PainFreeYou. There’s also a cool anxiety app called DARE, if you like apps. I think @Ellen is really good on healing anxiety with meditation. You can also just search meditation on the wiki. (The search engine is great for finding topics that interest you here. )

Reading success stories on this site can give a lot of insight. And hope!

A lot to learn! A big quest! Not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure. I’m still in the thick of it there with you. Hope you feel better soon!

 

Steve, here are my 2 cents. In addition to CRPS, which is one of the worst cases of TMS, I was "blessed" with years of back pain, tight muscles since my 30es and know first hand how bad back pain can be. You already received excellent advice from others. I can only add to it my own experiences with muscle spasms.

After learning more about the neuroscience of chronic pain and upon reading posts on this forum, I came to a firm conclusion that muscle spasms are nearly as common for back pain sufferers as back pain itself. It makes perfect sense for some muscles to contract in response to stress and fear, because biologically this is what you are likely to need if you are a scared chimpanzee running away from a lion. When a TMS-afflicted brain misfires, wrong muscles contract - and you get your spasms. As a matter of fact, I experienced number of muscle spasms and cramps during my recovery which I came to accept as normal reactions of the brain to all the work I was doing re-wiring it.

However, there is a physiological component to it as well. If we don't exercise our muscles, they become weaker, they can't hold our bodies together. This is why I practice yoga, exercise with weights and walk, walk, walk instead of going to the doctors. 25 years ago my back was in such a bad shape that I could not walk even 1 mile. After I defeated my last bout of TMS 6 years ago, I returned to the exercise and my back is now stronger and healthier than 25 years ago. I am 67, I go backpacking in the mountains with 30 lbs on my back, and my back LOVES it! I can hike 20+ miles in the hills without a problem. So, deal with your TMS and not worry about the future. Your back will be there for you if you keep exercising and using it!

 

Thanks for that response! I plan to add in some back strengthening in time. I’m going to go “Full Sarno” for now , so I can get a handle on things. When I start to add in the back strengthening, I will treat as overall health related and not a therapeutic for the current pain. The strengthening will also be good for my hobby/passion of harvesting firewood for the wood stove. A few yrs back, I was like 3yrs ahead schedule with it. That has dwindled over time and processing has felt difficult with the pain I’ve experienced. I have enough for this next winter but that’s it. Looking forward to more steadily cutting wood.

 

This is great to hear from you, because I love your amazing recovery story. I get so many strange spasms and they have increased since I have been working the program so hard. At first it really scared me. Now I think of it as my current “normal.”

 

Thank you! As for the spasms, they will eventually go away!

 

I felt that I had a breakthrough today. I got up to Maine after packing yesterday and travel day today. Got things settled and wife myself and the dogs went for a walk. I was carrying a lopsided backpack that really started messing with my head. It really had me starting to think I was going to mess up my back with that thing on. I tried to do some breathing and brief mindfulness but I kept finding myself envisioning throwing my back out at that time. During this time I noticed that I started getting some deep aching in just below one of my shoulders and shank area, which has been happening on and off for a while now. Although I was thinking it was TMS, I really started panicking in my mind. I found it very difficult to turn off. However, I knew deep down that I was in real time proving to myself the power of the mind and I quietly felt that was awesome even though I was uncomfortable at the time. Up until this point I either thought the pain was structural or that intellectually it was TMS, but today I could feel the TMS in action. We got home from the walk and planned to go out to eat. Unexpectedly we took my wife’s car which is a lot lower to the ground than my truck. To my self, I started worrying about Messing up my back getting in and out of her car and all the what-ifs that go along with that. I got in the car and we drove off. During the 10 minute drive, I was so tense that it felt like my whole body was a board. We got to restaurant and I got out. I felt myself taking very short steps and feeling extremely stiff. I gradually became more calm and got back home uneventfully. The big takeaway for me was two-fold. This TMS thing is totally real and was what I was experiencing today, zero doubt in my mind. Also, being early in my recovery from TMS is a bit scary. I think it will take me some time to get used to having the ability to turn up or turn down the symptoms with my mind.

 

Oh my gosh! This totally happens to me when I try and go anywhere. I told @JanAtheCPA that my TMS brain would be happy if I just never left home. She said, that’s right. It just wants you to stay alive long enough to reproduce. (Like the old lizard that it is. )

This is phenomenal progress! You are doing fantastic! And you just started. You’ll be healed before you know it! Proof that TMS is what you have.

 

I appreciate the kind words and encouragement. Glad to hear I’m on the right track but I know this will be a process. Today is day two of vacation from School and I felt I had a good physically productive day. Definitely more physical activity than I’ve been having in general. One of the things that I’m trying to do, which I felt was somewhat successful today was saying to myself that if I did have a big flareup, that it was survivable. That said, I definitely had many moments during the day where I found it hard to not imagine that crappy feeling when you do “throw out your back” or that type of immediate Onset of pain that can scare the hell out of you. It’s almost like when someone says “don’t think of a white pony”. It feels like you almost “have to “think about that stupid white pony. That said, I did notice a bit of time today when I seem to find a good Zen time for myself when I was hiking with my wife and our dogs. This was already after having did some physical stuff before I could have gotten into my head about that. I think it might’ve only been about a 20 minute period, but during that time I felt I was in a very good place. I wasn’t really even considering the concept of pain and felt good. After a while, I found myself starting to thinking about pain and that sort of snow balled a little bit, and I did feel some tightness that gradually became worse. The last hour or so I’ve definitely felt some tightness, but I Also know that the last hour has been a little bit frustrating in a general way for me, so that could be contributing. One thing that I know that I will be doing, will be the continue pushing myself. Not to an extreme degree, but gradually, sort of like I did today. I’m also going to not do the standard “take it easy“ thing tomorrow which I might normally have done Prior to learning about TMS. I am taking muscle relaxers currently, but I will plan on gradually reducing those as time goes on. My best guess is is that they reduce pain by about 50 percent. Nice, but not ideal.
I apologize if using this form as somewhat of a diary is not appropriate. I do find it helpful to share my experience, especially given that it’s still a relatively new concept to me. If there is another area in The forum that this should all go in, please let me know. And again, thank you!

 

Don't feel bad about it. I wrote about it in my book that journaling in its standard form did not work for me, but posting here on the forum worked. Incidentally, just two days ago somebody resurrected my old post similar to yours and used it to compare to my success story less than two years later. It put everything for them in the perspective and gave them hope.

So, all you owe this forum is your success story and future posts supporting others, much like many of us have done! :=)

 

Hi Steve,
I appreciate your journal entries a lot, because we are both pretty much in the same place at the beginning of the journey and trying to live life and enjoy it without fear of the pain or focusing on it. It looks like you’ve made some great headway doing things without focusing on the pain and it’s working so far. That’s fantastic!

 

Haha!!!

 

It’s like Leslie Nielsen’s character in the movie Airplane. “I just wanted to say good luck…..we’re all counting on you”. Lol

 

I am actually deliberately sharing my story, now as a not yet healed person on the site. It gives me joy to focus on everybody else, and it also keeps me thinking about my future success and tells my brain I’m betting on it. Not to mention, I really love the people on here and the help they give.

 

I view my past (and even present) experience on this forum as a learning exercise. Despite being considered sort of a guru here, I am still learning a lot from the great people of this forum. And what is a better way to learn than teaching the subject? Trying to help others is the best way to pound all the simple concepts into the brain, so it would turn to them automatically! Helping others means helping yourself, too!

 

I’ve had an interesting couple of days With the TMS. Yesterday felt like a very good day. I felt like my head was in a good place and not too many instances of pain. Today started early on the boat for me doing some fishing. I have a very small boat that is not the most physically comfortable thing in the world. I’m guessing that that got into my head a bit and I noticed that especially the middle of my back was really aching out on the water. I told myself it was TMS and no big deal. Shortly after I got back though, I was just walking and, felt too quick twinges or jolts of brief pain in the middle of my back area. They came and gone very quickly. Got me nervous, but not panicky about it. That said, I did find it really difficult to get those instances of off my mind, though I moved forward with my day. Although it felt annoying at the time, right as that happened, my wife started talking to me about all the plans that she had for us in the next few hours, and in my head I’m thinking “are you Kidding me right now?” I think it was honestly a blessing in disguise because without knowing about TMS or if my plans looked different, I might likely have told myself. It was a good day to ice up my back a bunch and basically sit around for most of the day. Instead, we brought the dogs out for about a 1 mile hike and went out to lunch.
Felt quite nervous, especially during the hike about the back possibly getting worse while out there but I was fine. Interestingly, the specific pain that I was Getting today (And actually just got while typing this message), I Different than the normal pain tightness and discomfort that I get with my back/hip area. Again, I have been taking the muscle relaxers regularly, so I’m not sure how that impacts the overall discomfort. Although I’d rather have a day where I’m not getting the pain that I’m getting today, I’m gonna continue to do things as normal as possible and try to stay focused on the psychological versus the physical.
Thank you again for the support!

 

I wanted to report back on what I thought was a very interesting thing that happened to me today. We’re up at the lake here and knew it was going to be really hot. About a month ago, I had started doing “aqua jogging” at the local pool. Very simple, when you wear a little floaty thing around your waist and then you act as if you’re jogging. I’ve done it maybe six or seven times and was looking forward to doing it up at the lake. Physically and mentally, I’ve been feeling decent today, but wouldn’t you know it – I started anticipating doing the aqua jogging and starting to get some physical symptoms. As I’m putting the life preserver thing on my dog so that he can go along with me, I start getting that “Uh Oh “feeling.” , Where it feels like things are teetering on going south pretty quickly. I decided to do the aqua jogging anyway. Walking out on the dock, I felt pretty uneasy, but once I got into the water and got to an area where I could start “jogging“. I felt great. No pain at all no discomfort, and really no stress. I did that for maybe 25 minutes or so, and then came on back towards shore. I know that I was in my head, a little bit, coming back to shore , and definitely felt some physical stuff as I walked back into the house. The big takeaways for me about this were: yet another Anticipatory pain. I’ve been listening a lot to Dan from Painfreeyou on YouTube and I know he refers to this as perceived danger pain. I’m totally bought into that concept at this point, because I’ve seen it in action with myself over and over again for the last several days. Another take away is that given the symptoms I was experiencing just before heading into the water, one would think that if this was strictly a physical problem that the jogging motion in the water would have aggravated this immediately. It didn’t at all, and I literally felt nothing out there, except that the water was on the chilly side, ha ha. My thought on why this is is that I don’t have a set of pain memories based on aquajogging, so therefore for in that moment, my Memory had nothing to pull from in order to bring on physical pain symptoms in that moment.
As an aside, I sent my doctor a message, asking for a refill of the muscle relaxers. In that message, I had said that I’ve become heavy into mind-body work for the back pain and was feeling hopeful about it. She responded saying that hopefully it works for me, but that she recommends that I continue with “whole body” treatment as well. Feels annoying, given that I’ve literally been doing “whole body treatment“ for years now with less than nothing to show for it. Again, the insinuation there is that apparently, I haven’t been doing all the exercises that I’ve done over the last several years correctly, I guess. Whatever.
Thanks again all for the support!