Nothing is working

Well it's more complicated than that, in theory he was mostly living with us, but every morning he was out of the house before I wake up, and return after I was already sleeping. Somethimes abandoning us for a short while(months at worst) but even when he was physically present he was treating house like I don't know hotel - just a place to sleep, eat and bath.

My Ace score is 3. I was often insulted by my mother, rarely felt loved and I think I can count her as drinker, although she was surprisingly functional alcoholic. No matter how much she drank given day, dinner was always ready(but like I already said it before food was important to her), house was clean and I had my clothes washed and ironed. Of course alcohol only made her mental problems worse. I think I forgave her(I will never forget how sometimes abusive she was, but forgivness is something she deserves. Her life was hard too, and in last few years she chilled out, and admites some of her mistakes.)
On the brighter side there was no physical violence in house, no problems with law(well my dad had many failed business ideas and problem with taxes, but it's not like I knew about that when I was a child, we had enough money)

P.S Thanks for compliment about my english. After many lost years I'm trying to better myself in every way I can. Learning about TMS and trying to implement work connected to it it's just one thing, but we can't forget to improve in other ways. Improving my english is one of those things, I have to admit that in my school I'm using every opportunity to better my english by talking with english teachers, but it's just so easier to read or listen than actually write or -worst of all- speak Especially with my accent that sounds like eastern european James Bond's villain.

 

Jan, I am so sorry..... I hope those kids will heal and overcome their terrible past...

 

I wonder if my new symptoms that surfaced themselves since I started journaling every day is more TMS or just my body giving up. They came seemingly out of nowhere but how can I know if they are TMS too or result of sedentary lifestyle?

 

I guess you can't know that. Taking a leap of faith seems like a crucial part of the healing process. For some people this is very hard. For instance, I'm on an autism spectrum and for me "faith" is a foreign concept. "Hope", yes, absolutely, but never faith. I'm trying to alter that now but in a confrontation between tangible and intangible I would always lean towards the former. So naturally, looking for answers in my body is more appealing than turning to the mind.