Program Hopping: the common mistake of the TMS personality

I recently did an interview and was asked about what I saw as a common mistake that those who have TMS, have been trying to heal and yet have not found symptom relief are making. The answer was easy. Program hopping… where an individual dabbles in this modality and that one, reading a bit here, listening to a podcast there and never ever commits whole heartedly to one method. Hear me out.


At first, we do indeed need to read, learn and research. Information and awareness are key to understanding how our bodies respond to perceived threats, the fear/pain/more fear cycle and how to break out of that loop. At a certain point though, we begin to try a method. Maybe we try journaling, or somatic tracking, or indifference. We do these new methods for a few weeks or a couple of months and when no miracle happens, we grow even more distressed, more despondent and more fearful. And then we go on a quest to find another solution…maybe an app or a retreat or a therapist and we give that a go for another month or three ... .and if we aren’t feeling remarkably better, we become hopeless. We doubt that we can be healed through any method. We doubt that we will ever be pain free. We suspect that our trauma is too ingrained, our neural pathways too deep, or our brain just isn’t like everyone else’s brain.


It’s easy to see how we got here. In fact, we’ve probably program hopped all over the medical community seeing this doctor and that specialist, trying western medicine, eastern medicine and everything in between. I throw no stones in this arena. I once was on a regimen of Chinese herbs that included dried powdered locusts, so believe me, I understand desperation. All this searching and questing sets up a pattern of unreliable results. It’s no wonder we doubt the methods when we begin TMS healing; we are used to being let down and moving on to the next possible solution.



Here is my advice. Read to understand the concepts of TMS, mind/body pain, neural plastic pain. Look at the common programs out there or hire a coach who can help you wade through them all and then choose one program and WORK IT. Don’t quit after a few weeks or a few months. This is your life we are talking about. Quitting just sends more messages of doubt to your nervous system. Work your program. Don’t work ALL the programs. Just the one you chose. The only way out is THROUGH. There will be hard times. Your pain may flare. Your anxiety may increase. Keep going. Get someone to support your journey…pay for it if you need to. Don’t quit and don't hop around. I promise you, that life on the other side of chronic symptoms is amazing!

www.pathsbeyondpain.com

 

I often do this with things that are not TMS related. It's hard to stick to just one topic when I'm learning something and I have a tendency to go all over the place. Forcing myself to stick to one thing causes more frustration and pain and dabbling in everything leads to not getting anything done. This is so annoying and I wish I could be less all over the place in terms of where I place my attention. It's even worse with anything on the internet. I can't force myself to stop being curious but I want to set better boundaries and direct my mind where it needs to go.

 

Its really confusing. Some folks say you don’t need a “program” - Just read Sarno and get on with life ( doesn’t resinate with me). I have had 2 tms coaches but neither presented a program.
I am sort of following Schubiners now, but I find the book “unlearn your pain” intimidating in size and somewhat in structure. I have however tried to stick with some journaling, somatic tracking, meditation and awareness. I have had a few small shifts, but nothing major. I have no idea if I am doing it “all” or “right”. I gave up on worrying about that with TMS work. I just keep plugging away, trying gain some insights, read, watch some interviews & successes.
My fear is what is so hard to overcome, I can’t find the anger. I am just trying to trust one day it will happen.

 

I have a horrible fear of failure and now it looks like I might not pass one of my classes. I'm already tired, spacey, and achey and I don't need another problem to deal with. Before this, I was on track to graduate electrical engineering in 6 years of tough classes and frequent burnout. I can't skip school because I have no idea what I'm even interested in. I am blamed for not wanting to grow up when I can't get rid of my TMS and it's affecting every area of my life no matter how hard I try to complete my assignments. I have no time to do what I enjoy. Even if I did, I don't know if I would still be in this situation. I just want to think one step at a time instead of being all over the place. I'm still dealing with symptoms from psych med withdrawal and do not want to go through that pain again. I feel too exhausted to put in any more work because I have the same issues whether I push myself hard or not. I'm just hoping I can manifest better grades because I don't want to work 24/7 with no rest and worsen my health just to graduate. I'm also trying to quit Reddit and stop reading the news. I'm doing everything wrong, and I can't fix a single thing without dropping the ball somewhere else. I need something to do, something to learn, something I can actually be successful at. But the second shoe hasn't dropped and I don't know why. I deserve to feel good, I deserve to be successful, I deserve to be healthy, I deserve to have a proper work-life balance. Even relaxing or tutoring hasn't helped my grades. Instead with more time, more effort, more rage has built up and I feel more and more resentful when I'm trying so hard to be grateful. I know you're not suppose to effort but then I don't get anything done and I just laze around. I just want to fix it but when I look I find nothing. If nothing is wrong with me, why am I still screwing things up from my end? I just want to be able to talk to people, have good grades, enjoy my life, and have perfect health. If everyone else in my life is doing fine, and the doctors didn't find anything, this can only be my fault. I consciously work on fixing myself and nothing changes.

 

TMS is, indeed, a very confusing world. TMS personality is obsessive. We worry about not doing something "all" and "right", and it causes the increase of anxiety and symptoms. We look for the exact set of instructions while no perfect instructions exist, but we blame ourselves for not sticking to those instructions we find.

The truth is, each one of us is unique and what works for one, may not work for another. Every program was created by a TMS practitioner who has seen many cases, but also they are themselves TMS-ers with their unique individuality reflected in their program.

Having gone through program hopping myself, having failed to find my rage or severe childhood trauma, I was very disoriented. However, I had my North Star, a firm belief that my brain was creating my symptoms and that my anxiety was the key to solving the puzzle. I kept chipping away at it by meditating and working mindfully on my anxiety, and succeeded!

 

Yes, stay curious, but learn to direct your curiosity into your emotions and how they appear in your body. Work with your strengths, curiosity in this case, and really use that strength to solve some questions here. Why does forcing yourself to stick with one thing cause you frustration? What does it mean to you? Why did you choose the word "forcing/" Where else were you forced to do things that you didn't want to do? Look, look look and you will learn yourself in new and amazing ways.

 

Deepest compassion to you. That is A LOT! Anyone would feel overwhelmed and fearful with all that pressure and stress. You do absolutely deserve every happiness. Untangling all of our many emotions can take much time. I'm 58 and still learning. Expectations we put on ourselves can really add to our suffering.

 

Tell me more about your fear. What exactly are you afraid of... give that fear a voice...what does it say?

 

@Ann Miller
A million things. I am in touch with more of my fears. Many of them stem from being told what and how to do and think as a child. So like Balsa11 its fear of failure, fear of pain.. there are many other life fears. Almost all of which are past or “future”. Lotta overthinking can create fears or let them linger. Clinging to them is exhausting!

 

Okay great. So you are talking about anxiety. And anxiety can show up in different ways. There's anxiety that we are aware of...such as you describe your awareness, or if I have to do public speaking-very aware of that anxiety! And then there's subconscious anxiety that shows itself in muscle tension, endocrine issues, blood flow issues...aka tms symptoms. Have you done any work with anxiety and naming it as such?

 

Yes and no. I’ve been doing ISDPT to address emotions and feeling feelings the therapist tries to evoke some anxiety so you can process everything. Everyone else has simply called it fear. I actually have far less conscious anxiety and much more subconscious (pr less conscious) anxiety the therapy is to evoke some awareness - which it has, and point out where you hold tension etc (but via Zoom only so much of the body is visible). It has helped some. But that’s all the anxiety anyone I’ve worked with has really acknowledged. Pretty much everyone has said my anxiety is fear based suggesting somatic tracking (which has helped some) and meditation (again, helped some).

 

Fear and anxiety are two different emotions, although they are very closely connected. Fear is specific and attached to a particular threat, while anxiety is a state of emotional arousal in response to a non-specific threat. The best technique to address fear is a repeated visualization of a threatening situation which de-sensitizes nervous system. General non-specific anxiety is best addressed through meditation. If you saw some improvements from meditation, I would stick to a daily dose of it, as much as you can handle, for at least few weeks. If you can meditate more than 20-25 minutes at a time, that should eventually lead to the improvements.

 

Fear and anxiety differ a bit. They can feel the same in the body but resolving them is different. While fear is a core emotion, anxiety usually has a core emotion under it. Now that might indeed be fear, or it might be anger, sadness, or shame. OR some of each! Getting to all the different layers of emotions and then just really knowing in your heart that WE ALL HAVE THEM is what I see as the most helpful.

 

Why are you so hard on yourself? Degree in EE is a very challenging one - give yourself credit for doing it! Why not taking a year off school and recharge?