Day 33 Question to Ponder: Have you noticed any positive changes in your life since starting this program?

I think I have become more self-aware. Prior to starting the program, I didn't realize just how bad my negative self-talk was. I thought it pretty much occurred at night, on those occasions where I either had trouble falling asleep or had trouble getting back to sleep. Now that I'm more self-aware, I realize my negative self-talk is literally happening all day long, every day. Whenever my mind isn't occupied with a project that I'm actively working on or thinking about, it drifts to negative thoughts and memories from the past. To a lesser extent, I might worry about something that might take place in the future, such as having to be around my family for some reason or other.

While I think the fact that I am now more self aware can probably be considered progress, it hasn't made me feel any better. What I think I really need to work on now is quickly processing the emotions that arise with those negative thoughts and memories and somehow convince my brain that it's time to move on. It seems like a gargantuan task, especially considering how often this occurs and my seemingly endless supply of negative memories. I was hoping that, by addressing many of these unpleasant memories though my journaling, I would finally be able to put these negative thoughts to bed. That doesn't seem to be happening yet and, at this stage in the program, I'll admit I find that a bit frightening. I don't want to live this way - drowning in negative thoughts and suffering with excruciating headaches - the rest of my life.