Day 15 Question to Ponder... Traveling Pain

My pain hasn't moved much. It has been pretty consistently sciatic pain... except once.

Let me preface this by saying I am dealing with very large issues and I am in a lot of therapy right now. I was the victim of a horrible violent crime in January and I have PTSD. I did not start to really address these issues until I started this program and reading the Sarno book two weeks ago, but I was already in therapy building a safe and supportive relationship with a specialist in what I was dealing with.

A few days ago I was seeing some improvements as I uncovered horrifying repressed childhood memories of abuse and then began to address them. When I remembered them I also remembered that I had remembered one of them before and it was too much to bear at the time, so I did what I could to forget it. I was successful. And then my back went out for the first time and I had a sciatic flare up. This was 16 years ago. I was 20 years old. Clearly my brain was working to keep me from exploring these painful memories.

When I made this connection, I felt a sharp pain in my neck and shoulder - which is decidedly not an area affected by sciatica. I said, "No way brain! Wrong spot!" I went and shared the connection and how my body reacted to it with my husband and we both shook our heads and laughed at my brain's attempt to keep me from moving forward.

Since I began to address both my present and past traumas symptoms ebb and flow but with a steady motion toward disappearing. I am back to exercising with weight everyday. I know Sarno recommends jumping right back in, but I am not emotionally prepared to deal with the extreme nature of powerlifting and olympic lifting. These sports require an ability to remain focused and present in a manner that I am not ready for psychologically. And dropping 100 pounds on my head or neck will cause an injury that is not TMS in nature. The pain is an indicator that I still have emotional work to do before I can return to these sports safely.

So that's my story.

 

Quadzilla,

Congratulations on all the hard work you are doing and the progress you are making. The connections you are making are very healing. You are a survivor, for sure! It's good that you are listening to your body and not pushing yourself too hard to get back into weightlifting.

Keep us posted on how you're doing. So glad you have joined us on the Forum.

 

Hi, Quadzilla. Remembering childhood traumas and abuse can be hard and bring up memories we've repressed for years.
But journaling about mine led to me better understanding my parents and their divorce when I was seven,
and that led me to realize they had TMS pains of their own (Dad's back aches and Mom's migraine headaches."
I began to realize why they had TMS and it led me to forgive them, which led to my back aches healing.

So it helps to think about the childhood anxieties, but don't spend too much time on them or be specific about them.
Dr. Sarno says it is enough that we tell the subconscious mind that we know we have repressed emotions and
it will stop the pain. Believing in TMS 100 percent is essential.

 

Walt I have to disagree with you about not spending time looking at these issues and I am going to ask that you respect my process. Even 5% of Sarno's patients needed psychotherapy as part of their work.

I believe TMS is the cause of my sciatica but I also believe that as a sufferer from PTSD my parasympathetic nervous system is fried and I am not ready to do an extreme sport - not because of TMS but because of my psyche. I hold somatic memories in my body and intense breathing can trigger a flashback. Although I have TMS I have other (non-pain) related issues. The body is a holistic system and I respect that TMS is the source of my sciatica but it is not the only thing I am contending with.

 

I believe you're right. I just try to suggest those having trouble looking into their repressed emotions take a little time off.
I bet even more than 5 percent of those working on TMS need psychotherapy.

I just try to balance my time between TMS thinking and just distracting myself with pleasant activities and thoughts.

I do respect your healing process.