Day 38 Repressing

Some days are missing because I could not reach the website, but I've been journaling and practicing self care. Trying my best to complete the program before starting the Alan Gordon program.

Lately I’ve been seeing more clearly how my personality traits affect my stress and symptoms in everyday life. Especially perfectionism and over-responsibility. When I feel like something “has to” go well, at work, in a relationship, socially, I immediately feel pressure in my body. My chest tightens, my thoughts speed up, and I start monitoring myself constantly.

I notice that I don’t necessarily repress emotions completely anymore, but I do try to control them. If I feel doubt, fear, or resistance, my mind wants to solve it right away. It wants certainty. That creates even more tension. The moment I consciously choose to be more compassionate with myself, something shifts. My body softens. I’m more present. The stress decreases. Life becomes colorful.

I’ve also noticed that when I allow myself to speak honestly and set boundaries, I feel more authentic and less trapped. The tension builds up when I try to carry everything alone or when I put pressure on myself to have everything figured out. I do find this harder in the short term ofcourse.

What helps most right now is slowing down, lowering the internal expectations and reminding myself that I don’t have to solve my entire future today. I’m learning that stress often comes from my personality reacting to uncertainty and not from the situation itself.

That awareness alone already reduces a lot of emotional tension.

 

"I notice that I don’t necessarily repress emotions completely anymore, but I do try to control them."

Oh, I relate to this! It gets easier as we keep giving ourselves permission to just sense the emotions are safe (without focusing too much) just as you mention, feeling them in the body, the need to control them fades. As you mention, right now the awareness helps things a bit, but when we become more confident in certain things eg. feeling emotions, we sort of naturally don't feel the need to control them as much.

Your journey has been fascinating, and you seem to have excellent intuition.