Day 1 RSI

Hi everyone.

My TMS symptoms started about 8 months ago after playing video games with a broken controller. I could feel the strain every time I used it but I continued anyways. After about a month of this, my hands eventually gave out and I started experiencing intense aching in my fingers. The pain went away, then came back several times. It usually got worse at the end of the work week (I am an analyst and pretty much type all day). At one point it got so bad that I had to stop working and took some time off. I went to several doctors to get my hands checked out including my family doctor, a rheumatologist, a neurologist and a sports medicine doctor. They pretty much all said that I was fine and had a Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI).

About two months into the pain, my feet randomly started hurting. I noticed that the pain would occur at around the same time that my hand pain would occur. My first suspicion that something was strange was that the pain would move from my hands to my feet and back but they would never hurt at the exact same time. I also noticed strange symptoms where the pain would be non existent when I woke up, then 10 minutes later it would start up even if I didn't move them. I never experienced pain during sleep. The doctors pretty much shrugged their shoulders when I asked about this.

At this point, I thought rest and physio would help. I did the physio and I took time off from work. When I went back to work after a few weeks, I noticed that the pain would come in the morning sometimes then get better throughout the day. Sometimes I would start off fine then it would get bad at the end of the day. After about 12 weeks of this, the pain got a lot worse and I decided to stop working again. This is where I started to feel incredibly depressed and hopeless. I thought my career was over and that I wouldn't really be able to work anymore.

I should also mention that this all started right when my company was acquired by a mega corp. They basically cleaned house and laid off a significant portion of our workforce. I acted like it didn't bother me but I think deep down I was scared. I was also about to start a new school program which I was excited for but nervous about doing well. There were also other things going on in my life that I won't share at this point.

Anyways, one day I was browsing YouTube and came across a guy who made a video about John Sarno. I was very skeptical but I had been reading books about how the mind and body were connected (When The Body says No, The Body Keeps the Score) so I wasn't fully closed to the idea. I kinda went about my life for a week then decided to pull the trigger and buy Healing Back Pain. I had nothing to lose. I was astounded, my pain got like 70% better in like two days after listening to the audio book. I started typing again and playing games (with a new controller). I think I overdid it because one week later, my hands started hurting again. I am still 98% sure that this is TMS but there is still that part of me that thinks "What if I have some incurable disease that can't be detected?".

So now I am here and want to dive more into a program to help me get better physically but especially mentally. I am definitely a classic case of TMS personality in the way that I am a perfectionist, care a LOT about what others think of me, always trying to be good etc.. Even writing this has me thinking about how I'm going to come off, if anyone will care and how people will judge my experience.

Anyways, that is where I'm at. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

 

Your last paragraph says it all! You know you are a classic TMS character.... so carry on - do the program, it won't be straightforward, it won't be easy - but it will be effective!
You have done the hardest bit - which is finding out that your psyche causes your pain, the rest is getting to know yourself, know your triggers and to learn to be kind to yourself!!!
So good luck - and remember - the kind to yourself bit - IS the most important!