Spotting and Will of Effort

Thank you for sharing your experience, Herbie and Leonar. You've got me revisiting some childhood stuff. I was the last of seven kids…dad was usually away drinking and mom, working. Like you Herbie, mom saw something in me. She said she knew "God had special plans." My siblings detected this and I was picked up pretty mercilessly. Well, we ALL picked on each other…but I think I bore an extra load.

Is it any wonder I've had so many years of chronic pain?

 

I see what your saying North Star. I can tell in your post that you have a special gift.
Im friends with some great people here and we have influence that can really make a change.
Im so proud of all were doing guys, and the will that you have shown North Star. Next to none.
Bless You

 

Aw, Herbie….I so appreciate you!

 

Lily Rose, it's great that you're massaging your grandmother's feet and that you tell her you love her.

It reminds me of my mother and he mother-in-law, my paternal grandmother Kate.
Kate disapproved of her son John marrying Pauline, my mother.
But years later when Kate was confined to bed, it wasn't her grown daughters who combed and brushed her
long black hair, it was my mother, giving her TLC.

In many ways, my mother held the family together. It wasn't easy, and Mom had migraines and arthritis and
other ailments, all probably TMS and she didn't know that her own hard early life caused her pain. She grew up in
poverty and when her father died when she was about eight, her mother had to give her and her two older sisters
to strangers because she didn't make enough from doing other people's laundry to keep the girls and had to just
keep their two younger brothers with her in a small apartment. Those were rough days, even before the 1930s
Great Depression.

A strong will and faith in God got Mom and all of us through those years.

So yes, as Herbie says, hope and a friendly word can being us happiness.

 

Walt, not to belittle anyone's trials as I know the times we live in have brought unprecedented levels of pressure on people. But when I think about what folks went through during the depression or other times of great physical hardship I think about how lightweight we've become. People have become so used to expecting someone else to fix their problems…heck, even health problems….hello, TMS!

Self reliance and "Physician, heal thyself" has become one of my mantras lately.

PS My mom was an amazing trooper and yes, she credited her faith for getting her through. Raised me and my six siblings with little help from my alcoholic dad. My home was chaotic, to say the least! Health problems were her constant companion and she died at the relatively young age of 70. Dad dropped dead of his one an only heart attack at 52.

 

What an interesting discussion around the word "wrong", above. I also love words and react viscerally when a perfectly good word like wrong get a bad rep (or even gets turfed out of the language as some words do) because it has become politically incorrect (as it's often called).

Lily Rose said "There really aren't any 'wrong' choices, just consequences for the choices we make."

That's just brilliant. I would go on to say that "right" or "wrong" entirely depend on who you are and where you are in your development. For example, it's Sunday morning and the family is almost ready to leave for church. The kids are dressed up perfectly and mom goes into the house to do one last task, hollering, "Now don't you get dirty".

What would happen? Would you have the same expectations of an 18 month old boy with a new dump truck and 5 year old girl so proud of her new dress? Lol, you'd be "wrong" if you did!

Within a couple of seconds, the wee boy might be out the door into the back yard with his dump truck, looking for the nearest mud puddle. A minute later, he will be covered with mud and poor mama will have to dress him in his second best set of clothes if she wants him clean in church!

The little girl, on the other hand, will likely still be pristine. Mother might shout at her, "Why didn't you watch your brother?" Well, she forgot. Or perhaps she didn't quite forget but was not going to ruin her new dress trying to keep the determined little guy out of the mud puddle.

Where's dad in all this? Honestly, he doesn't want to go to church. He's tired out and would love nothing more than to relax and watch the big game. But, duty calls. Going to church this morning is important to his family. He decides to record the game and do his best to enjoy the morning. So, that's where dad is, in the living room, setting the recording, when all the drama takes place

Who was "wrong" here? Quite possibly, nobody. Just four people trying to get by on a Sunday morning. On the other hand, they may all be "wrong" in some sense. To that I say "So what?". We are here to make mistakes and learn from their consequences. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is dopey but we all do it until we notice and change our unproductive ways. That's the way the world works.

Wrong, in short, is right.

------------

I have been cruising around the Internet for a long, long time and have never come across such an amazing group of people as can be found here. I absolutely love you all. I don't care if you have warts (real or psychological). You are a completely lovely bunch.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that because actions have consequences the only true "wrong" is refusing to learn from them. Once we realize we are screwing up our lives, and other people's lives, we had better change something or we can well and truly consider ourselves "wrong". That realization can signal a whole new beginning. So, again, being "wrong" can be the best thing that has happened to us in ages.

 

A perfectly good word getting a bad reputation ... Yes! Here is a word with a negative impression: Selfish. Yet it is critically important that we be selfish. This is one of the things I teach in Yoga .... You must be selfish in order to be more self-LESS. The better we take care of ourselves, the more energy we have to expend in our care of others. As with all things, moderation. Extremes have their place, but our daily lives gain with moderation. A fun example: I absolutely drool over Espresso Madness ice cream cones. I could eat them every day. However, if I did, my pleasure would diminish dramatically, and it would becomes just another habit. In this case, my definition of 'moderation' is set at every 3 or 4 weeks. And, there is a ritual around it. I only will get this ice cream from a small burger stand in town. Parking has to be directly in front of the retro-building. If parking is not available, I drive right on by. If parking IS there, all the signs align and I hand over $2 for a single (which is more like a double or triple). When the owner sees me, he knows exactly what I want. I will only have this treat when I am on my way home. No other time. I then drive the country roads with my delicious ice cream in hand. I am an expert ice cream cone consumer ... never does a single drop spill.

Moderation can come in many forms. It is flexible. When things become thoughtless, it is time to adjust so that we remain aware of our choices. But I am digressing ....

A necessary word .... Selfish. In moderation.

nJoy, the concept of: no wrong choices, only consequences ... this isn't mine. I learned to shift my thinking in this by another teacher. I do not recall if it was Ekhart Tolle, or Pema Chodron. Both are wonderful teachers. You are right, though ... it is brilliant.

Walt - massaging my grandmother's feet is something I never ever in my wildest imagination could have believed possible. One of the greatest lessons I am learning from this is: People aren't necessarily evil. Their actions can result in devastating consequences, but it doesn't stem from evilness. It can stem from complete unawareness and absolutely zero empathy.

It is our empathy that allows us to understand and feel compassion for other people. We project how we would feel, and we act accordingly. If that ability is lacking, there can be no point of reference in our behavior. My grandmother has emotions, but they are utterly self oriented. She has no concept that her behavior and actions caused injury. Years ago, her 2nd husband and her adopted son physically abused her, but she doesn't register it as abuse. She shrugs it off as normal. While it hurt, physically ... emotionally it simply didn't leave any impression on her. How, then, can she be held accountable for her own actions, when she doesn't perceive any of her actions as wrong?

I am not saying I agree with my own words ... I am questing, exploring, considering. If your eyes lack the ability to see the color purple, how can I tell you about it? How can I make you feel and experience the world of purple? These are just more questions I muse upon.

nJoy ... again I agree with you. This forum has drawn in an amazing group of people. Perhaps because we all are seeking true healing. To accept TMS, one has to subdue the Ego, and see into our own depths.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

It's so easy to tune in and like those who post on TMSWiki.org. We're a caring bunch of people.
I think Dr. Sarno and Steve have helped us in a big way to care and appreciate others who care.

Yes, we do need to be selfish (to ourselves) so we can be selfLESS to others. A great way to put it, Lily Rose.

I've been getting in the Christmas "caring" mode by phoning some friends I haven't talked to in ages.
And boy, did they love the calls. Me, too.

And I invited friends here for dinner over the holidays, so we'll have an evening together we haven't
had in a year.

I'll just make a big pot of chili. No fuss. Wine is always on hand.

 

Sounds lovely, Walt. We're having folks over on Christmas Eve day and I am pulling out all the stops in the kitchen just to love on 'em. It's easy for me to go "bah, humbug" over the holidays but these efforts are keeping that funk from taking center stage. I may have to call a few folks too…that's a great idea.

nJoy…you are absolutely right. This is an exceptional gathering of exceptional people.

Love and hugs to you all...

 

This is awesome Walt, A story of true hope and achievement- Wow Thanks

 

I agree

 

This is the best thread guys. I appreciate all the heart felt compassion and I wish each of you a very merry Christmas and a Happy new year. Bless you all and ill try to post more thoughts on personal achievements. But for now Id like to add that I have officially been past the tic bite for 3 or 4 months now and im doing tons better. Most the time I cant tell I even got bit cause the days passing and just moving on with life in the now has renewed my strength but after the total fatigue and fevers I haven't looked back for 3 solid months now - I have another personal achievement of getting even stronger and Moving forth with my new energy that could have only happened by my faith, by learning to heal my mind and body. -- and there was something more important -- The Care and Compassion We have for Each other." That's Personal Achievement" I love you guys, bless you.