Day 10 Still working

I'm not doing the program daily, because sometimes it feels like too much. Or, I'm having a low or even non-pain day, and I don't want to do anything to dredge it up! And, honestly, I just feel so confused. I'm 54 years old, so there's lots of stuff, past, present, future - what can it be?? Nothing seems obvious to me. Nothing huge, especially when I read about the really hard stuff many others have endured. I really think I'm 99% there in knowing this is TMS. It's finding the key for me, I guess. I worry that I won't be able to. Thank goodness, there are still 50 days left in the program!!! I am thankful it's here. And so, there's hope!

One question - I went to bed pain-free last night. I woke up in the night with quite a bit of pain, and then some in the morning, which has lingered all day. I've gone about my day - walked with my daughter, went to my trainer where I did a full body workout, and she complimented me on how far I've come - but there's this lingering pain.... So, back to the question, why would pain wake me? What's going on psychologically in my sleep?

 

Hi Linda,
I found your post interesting. Most of us TMSers are perfectionists and push ourselves, so it seems great to me that you're not putting pressure on yourself to do the program every day. We can all relate to worrying, which isn't very constructive because it feeds the pain cycle. So, try not to worry about not "finding the key." As humans, we have a unique capacity to think about the future. And, most of our worries relate to the future - this means that they they or may not happen. For me, this realization alone has made me worry a lot less. I think you will find your own key, just keep listening to your body's messages and your inner wisdom. I often get in touch with my unconscious through my dreams and I think your questions about what is happening while you sleep may lead to some interesting insights. Maybe pose these questions to your body and unconscious before you go to bed tonight and see what happens. For me, the answers float up - NOT while I'm trying - but, when I'm open, receptive, and allowing. Please keep us posted and good luck! Sunny

 

Hi, Linda. I agree with Sunny. You are coming along great, but need to stop worrying that you won't find the "key" to why you have TMS pain.
Just the fact that you worry about it is enough to keep the pain coming. Your subconscious doesn't want you to worry about the emotional cause of the pain. It wants you to discover what the cause is. That comes from the SEP, for me it was mainly from journaling to discover I was repressing childhood emotions from my parents divorcing when I was seven. And also realizing I am a perfectionist and started to modify that. You may not need more than being 99 percent free of pain. The other 1 percent is BELIEVING in TMS. Yes, keep us posted.

 

Sunny,
Thank you so much for your reply and insight! I read it when you first posted it and again today - I never thought of myself as a perfectionist...but the more I do this program and think through so much, I definitely see those tendencies. I'm going to quite obsessing about "the key" and be open to what the journey is teaching me - I like your suggestion to be open, and to pose the question to myself! I have great improvement from where I started. I feel like I have my day to day life back, and am so grateful!!
THANKS again!!
Linda

 

Walt, Thanks for once again sharing your wisdom with me! Since reading this, I have quit thinking/obsessing that I "have to find the key!". I am staying the course!

As a dog lover, I have to share this story. Yesterday, my daughter and I were walking my 2 dogs. A neighbor, who I've never really met, was walking her 2 big dogs. They went wild when we went by, and she fell, was being dragged and trampled by them. Once I got mine safely away, I ran to help her. Of course, she was crying, hurt and embarrassed. In her tears, she said she was already battling pain. I looked at her and said I understood pain fully. That afternoon, I went to meet her and check on her. In our conversation, she described her journey of pain that has moved from one place to another with no reason and no physical diagnosis. She's tried everything, and was going to acupuncture that afternoon. She sounded so classic TMS. So, I shared my journey, and Dr. Sarno, and the resources I've learned about with her. Getting to share that with her, I realized just helped me to get closer to that 100% BELIEVING that you remind me that I must have. She seemed very open, and excited about the information. So, what seemed terrible that morning, maybe was an answer to prayer for both of us - I feel like I've made a new friend too (God is good!).