The Presence Process - Share Experiences & Ask Questions

MB says that some of your emotion will not have a 'name' since it is before you had that capability to identify. he says just FEEL it & let it go. personally that has been most helpful in this TMS process for me is to allow myself to feel emotion in my body instead of figure it out in my head... p.s. Brian - if your interested I know a men's organization in DFW (and worldwide) that does training & ongoing support for biogenic emotional work. I don't want to post links here because it's does not apply & appropriate for all who view the forum. it's been real helpful to me to express anger fear, sadness in a safe place/way, w/ others facilitating & supporting. would be happy to share. one of the better experiences I've done ba

 

speaking of dreams.... not lucid yet -but I've become acutely aware of how they affect my mood throughout the day- ie when I wake up feeling a certain way it's usually because of a dream I've had but cannot recall.
speaking of anger.... today I woke up angry but knew that because I was awakened in the middle of the dream. I have been anticipating an important package all week & it came last nite. in my dream the UPS driver was about to hand me the package on my steps when 2 'management' type guys in brown suits over ruled him & gave my package to some guy who just walked up off the street. In the dream I woke up just after he flipped me off for protesting & I was about to fight him....
whew! in looking at that deeper I realized my issues around not feeling important & w/ giving authority/others control over my happiness/self worth. felt the anger in my body after breathing & then a sadness release & viola! gonna have a great day (hope sure
hope sure you all have a great one as well... ba

 

Thanks painfreeB. Sure, you can PM me information on that men's group. I'll check it out. I typically don't like using groups, but the right kind of group can be useful. If anything, I can learn how others express their anger and see if there are any ways that work for me. I'm not a violent person, so violent expression through hitting or yelling just isn't natural for me at all. Maybe there are better ways that would work for me. I'm not sure that anger has to be expressed, because I have integrated it before by containing it. But like I said, MB says in The Art of Integration that a person needs to express it. Hence my confusion. Oh well. I'm not really worried about it. It'll work out one way or another.

 

I used to try lucid dreaming but I never seemed to get anywhere. It seems like it could be an amazing tool for healing. Maybe I'll have another go. As for India I do yoga, swim and have cheap massages (for health and pleasure, not pain), but mostly I go because I am pretty much pain free when I travel. And also I just love to travel. But at the moment I'm trying to focus on being pain free wherever I am, which actually feels a bit freer than running off!

 

'wherever you go-there you are'. still wondering how someone just 'get's lost' for 4 months? take me w/ you

 

Yeah, I can't imagine having pain all the time around my family. That'd suck. But at least you have full comforting that it's your emotions causing you pain and know a surefire way to integrate that cause.

 

UPDATE: 4TH PP, WEEK 4

This is interesting. I'm dealing with anger primarily in this PP. As soon as the anger surfaced, my addictions came back. I knew they weren'the completely gone because they were still tempting. When they'return no longer tempting, they're actually dealt with. Or if you do them and they aren'the enjoyable, they're not fully dealt with. Sex, for men, is almost always violence being released. And men usually have no idea how to contain and utilize the sexual energy for everything in their life. I'm just now learning this stuff.

So, this has been very useful. It showed me how important anger is to integrate and showed me more about how this all works.

Today, I tried something new. I tried bringing up my anger. I basically drove my anger to the surface in a split second. I wasn't reacting to it--just feeling it in my face and chest. It was really cool, because it was like it had no power over me. Then some of it integrated a little whIle later. That's really awesome, because it shows me I've learned to contain my anger properly and be with it easily. That's a huge relief.

Also, I'm going to post a link in here soon to a new topic I'looking be posting about Reconnective Healing. It's utterly amazing And takes no more than 3 sessions to take care of health issues and the emotions causing them too if I understand it properly. I had some unexpected results with my first appointment. I'll tell about it in the new thread. I plan to learn to do it, teach others, and start offering it as a service here in Dallas.

 

Brian, I never heard about RNA drops so I did a google search and understand what they are
and how they help some people. But they're not TMS healing. At least I don't see the connection.

I wonder about the benefits of any supplement, like RNA or St. John's Wort. That may take months
and so far after about 3 weeks I can't say I feel any less anxious than before I started taking them,
4 capsules a day.

I think I just need to go back to the basics and believe 100 percent in TMS causing anxiety.
Today that is in two things: my computer is driving me nuts working for a book publisher boss who
would drive Jesus nuts. I have to do deep breathing, say F--k it all, and laugh.

 

Walt,

lol Sounds like a plan.

Well, here's what I've found about RNA drops. They do work at the cellular level to repair DNA and they can cause a person to process repressed emotions. And once those emotions come up and integrate, the person is free of them and the illnesses (like TMS) they caused. However, there's a big problem with whether the body will utilize them or not, and that's totally dependent on a person's emotions. I've noticed that people who've done a lot of emotional work or who are desperate because they're about to die are the ones it works exceptionally well on. So emotions play a huge role in whether they work or not. They aren't working for me because I have too much suppressed anger trying to self-starter me. So, I've saved my second bottle of the drops for when I get my anger integrated.

I'd say they're useless unless a person has done a lot of productive emotional work. All they did for me at the maximum dose is stop a hair from growing on my ear. lol

 

Here's the link to my RECONNECTIVE HEALING thread.

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/reconnective-healing.7181/

 

just checking in w/ week 3 experience. any feedback appreciated?

so I am on my 1st TPP -week 3- 'get the message'. my intention is to integrate fear & find out wtf happened to me to keep me repressing so much emotion. my 1st week -'choose to be present', was quite emotional- lots of stuff bubbled up. week 2 -'ID the messenger', was tame by comparison- I felt calmer but annoyed? that I wasn't connecting to the kind of emotion I had been (is that all?) week 3 -get the message, has resumed the muck & deeper stuff has seemed to present to me again..

my question is this - I am an adult child of a long line of alcoholics. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional environment- everything I observed was taught & learned & it was a way of life. when asked to trace the emotional feeling back to a specific occurrence where the message first began? it seems impossible to weed through the fabric of the way it was. I lived with emotional abuse continually so wondering how am I supposed to recall a single event when they were pretty much all that way? feels like I gotta find the needle in a 56 yr old haystack ;-)...

I can get back to a time period of major events & transitions in my life & have a flood of memories that I repressed from then & see the message in it all, but not sure there's going to be the ONE that began it all? does that make sense & am I crazy to think this or am I on the right track w/ a time period where the message came from in general or IS there just one?

also- it seems impossible to do this in the moment of being triggered- to step back & observe while asking these questions. the triggered 'reactions' occur on a daily/weekly basis & have for my whole life. I know where it all leads back to.... but this stuff only comes to me when I'm in connected breathing or time to reflect. not sure how to do that in the midst of a messager?

any help or experience w/ this is appreciated
bruce

 

You don't have to find any moment in time that was ''the cause of it all". You only need to understand the theory, TMS pain is a defense mechanism, the pain emanates from the sub-c, it's benign--don't fear it--don't let it stop you from doing whatever you want to do--JUST DO IT!

 

PainfreeB,

Sounds like you're doing really well if you're feeling like crap. Congratulations! That's what you're shooting for. Feeling crap means you're feeling authentically some of what's always been going on below the surface. Excellent!

REACTION & RESPONSE
It's completely normal to react to virtually every situation that arises. Remember that you have 56 years of training in reacting, and only a few weeks of learning that your goal is not to react. So you're right on track with everyone else that does this process. Never expect anything of yourself. Expectations turn into resentments, and there's no incorrect way to do this process. What I mean by that is that you can't screw up what Presence has laid out for you. No matter what you do, as TPP says, is required. When that truth is integrated, it'll drop all kinds of shame and fear and resentment toward yourself. You'll realize you've done exactly what you were supposed to your entire life and all of it was required for you to learn what you need to learn. So, there's no need to worry about doing something "right" or "wrong." There really is no right or wrong. There is only your experience as it unfolds and the lessons unfolding in it. Our goal is just to experience it as it happens--nothing more. Eventually, you'll start to see that you don't react sometimes. Then you'll see it happen a little more often, and a little more often. One day, you'll realize that you don't react nearly as often as you used to. But this takes a lot of time and integrations. When you sit in your breathing practice, the insights that come are useful. And the integrations will help bring parts of your hardened heart back into function. This builds willpower and strength and awareness. As you become more aware and have more strength to resist reaction, you'll start catching yourself more frequently. This is not a quick process so there's no rush and no expectations upon you. Just let it be and know that it's exactly as it should be. If you have any concerns, ask like you just did so some of us can let you know that we've been through basically the same thing.

FIGURING THINGS OUT
In my opinion, tracking things back is unnecessary. It seems that Michael Brown put that part of TPP into the process because he wanted people to see that the seven-year cycle and repeated triggering is real. Sure, tracking things back can have its uses, but keep something in mind--Michael Brown says to forget the story and just feel the emotions. In other words, the story doesn't matter. All that matters is the emotions you feel that are associated with the story. We actually have to break the association of the story with the emotions, because the emotions did not actually come from the story. The emotions were passed to us in the womb and installed during our first seven years of life. We got those from our parents, and they got them from their parents and so on. Our job is now to integrate those emotional dysfunctions to make them functional again. We integrate them into the whole of our heart so our heart can be whole again, which gives us tons of energy to use for productive things with loving value. I stopped trying to figure things out a long time ago. As the emotions integrate, the insight about the "why" usually comes. I also found out that I've been pretty much correct about most of the "whys" I concluded when searching them out over the years. That means that all of the mental effort I put into figuring these things out was unnecessary. All I needed to do was feel the emotions and upon integration, I would've gotten the insight instantly. lol It's not that I wasted my time before--I simply learned that thinking is the very slow route to obtaining information that insight could give me very quickly with little to no effort. And insight is always correct where as thinking about it can easily lead me to false information. But all of us go through that phase of trying to figure things out with our mind, so that's yet another one of those things we do so that we can learn it's not necessary. You're on the right track. It's impossible not to be on the right track, really.

INSIGHTS
You'll get many insights throughout this process. There isn't just one. There is one very important one, and that is our unconscious definition of love. That insight is a feeling, just like all other insights, and it's what we feel when our romantic partner rejects us or when that relationship starts to sour and get stale. Our mate is designed to trigger our issues. In this way, they're one of the most important people for our inner development, so we're to be extremely thankful for them and their triggering. However, that's way easier said than done, especially in the moment. I still react to my wife and child sometimes instead of responding and I'm on my 4th PP. lol MB says there's this trend of people feeling like they've been reborn once they hit the 1 year mark from the time they started (he actually says the 9 month mark from when their first PP ended, but it's the same time period as I stated). So when this PP ends and the three-week integration period after it ends, I'll be at that one-year mark. I can't wait to see what shifts in me. It's like a 9-month birthing process when you think about it. Brings a whole new meaning to Jesus' saying "born again." It's like we're going through a birthing process as we condition ourselves into this new way of living.

ANGER
Oh, and one more thing--anger is the hardest emotion to deal with. Makes this process very difficult. Ride it out. You'll be glad you did. Each time you ride out anger and do your best not to respond, you'll gain a little bit of ground on it and some of it will eventually integrate. It'll get easier. Eventually, you'll be pretty good at containing and integrating anger. Takes time, though. The goal here is to love yourself unconditionally, which means loving your emotions completely through total acceptance without any avoiding or repressing any of them with the reactions. It'll come to you eventually if you keep at it. It'll happen fairly naturally as it all unfolds.

So, no matter what you encounter, don't sweat it. It's completely normal and exactly what you require. You cannot go wrong. Let us know if you have questions. What we can do for you is show you different techniques we've tried so that you can better hone the way you do your PPs. That will make them more effective for you now and in the future.

Thanks for the share! Looking forward to hearing more of your experiences!

 

I'm not sure Tennis Tom has ever done TPP, so he might not be quite aware of how it's done. He's half correct--there's no need to find some moment that it all happened. It's not really like that. But I don't know that someone needs to understand the theory either. As long as they just let the emotions be, when they integrate, they'll know what caused their pattern of behavior, but only if it's necessary for them to know. Otherwise, they'll just integrate it and feel better and the pattern of behavior will go away. Pretty simple.

 

thanx brian. really helpful insights. I hear ya... I struggle w/ expectations - my biggest barrier in TMS - the pressure I put on myself to have the outcome I want NOW ...

so I get it. feel the emotion. don't put a story to it... for the 1st time this a.m. I really felt loved deep inside- so that felt good, and it came about by feeling all the turbulent emotions from growing in that effed up environment- which unpleasant as they may be- were the only way I came to understand or know that... & yes anger is the hardest for me to connect & feel. lot's of fear & sadness & some joy --no problem tho...

so I resisted asking this at the beginning of my journey & figured it would unfold to me in time, but it's still a question I wonder about. maybe you already spoke to it in your post, but am curious how will I know an emotion has been integrated? will I stop feeling it? or just stop reacting? slowly over time or it's just done? at times I wonder how much more I can feel & when it will run out can be exhausting...

 

I'm not 100% clear on all of the ways emotions integrate. But I know some.

The most familiar integration I've heard of from MBA and experienced myself is when you start laughing and crying (happy tears). My heart sometimes burns when this happens, but I actually think that happens because of an emotional issue of deep seeded hate for myself. It doesn'the happen now, or if it does, I haven't felt it the last few times. It may have worked it's way out. I'm not sure. This integration usually occurs while I'm sitting with an emotion. However, sometimes it occurs when I'm listening to music. Some music coaxes out of me this strong feeling of freedom which seems to cause emotions to integrate, as far as I can tell, because I laugh and cry. Feels just like integration, and I sometimes get insight while it happens.

As for other ways that integration feels, I'm unclear on that. I don't know for sure there are other ways it feels. MB is unclear on this. When we cry when we're alone, that's usually the commencement of integration, but not the completion if I understand it properly. That's about all I know on the subject. Hope that's helpful!

You might try reading through the different TPP threads on TMS WIKI to see if that helps. But it's not necessary. We can answer most any questions you have.

 

starting week 4 of TPP & I'm a bit skeptical & confused about paying attention to the physical pain. seems in direct contrast to TMS which says to look elsewhere & not pay it attention which feeds it. I've done pretty well so far keeping my pain down that way so am concerned about this approach. could use some clarification of intent - which is to heal from within & not run from the pain, but as TMSers are we not past this point? are we already doing this by acknowledging the answer is within us - just not physical?

so I wake up today w/ an incredibly sharp painful restriction in my neck right above the previous fusion & where they want to do another. I haven't had this pain there for a while (coincidence?) but when I do they sometimes last for weeks & cant' turn my head, move or sometimes breathe w/ out incredible pain. am at the verge of freak out when I practice this compassionate attention MB refers to. the pain is still there- not going away, but not as bad as when I feed it w/ fear & anxiety & anger.

I dunno. brian or anybody? been thro this step w/ same concerns & can clarify would be appreciated. unsure how to proceed but will follow what works best I guess.
thanx bruce

 

Your conscious accepts TMS, it's your sub-c that isn't convinced yet. "Pity me the heart is slow to learn what the swift mind beholds at every turn." Edna St. Vincent Millay via Sarno.

 

Bruce,

Man, that's tough. MB had these debilitating headaches that would make him convulse, seize, vomit, and even knock him out at times. Pretty horrific. As he learned to accept them and stop resisting them, things turned around. Be would ask how the pain makes him feel emotionally, then he would experience the emotion. As he would be with the emotion, it would integrate. Eventually, the headaches grew less intense, less frequent, then stopped. It takes a lot of strength to go through some pains. But if we really and truly want to overcome them, we must go through them. I would highly recommend Reconnective Healing. It's probably a faster way to correct your pain.

As for TMS, I'm not sure what TMS accomplishes emotionallc by looking elsewhere. Maybe placebo is causing he pain to go away or maybe reprogramming that the pain is not real...I'm not sure. I'd have to research it more. From what I can tell, though, the emotions aren'the truly getting integrated, though, so I don't know how effective it is. Maybe it works better for some. Know that TPP is truly resolving the root issue, though, so that this stuff doesn't come back. It's really hard to be thankful for the pain, but it works wonders.

At times, I've felt pain and said, "How does this make me feel emotionally?" Suddently, the pain would go away and an emotion would come up in place of it. Good luck, man. Hang in there.

 

ya that's what I've been doing for TMS. ask what emotion the pain is distracting me from & then feel that & it often releases the pain. it has worked great for me but now TPP seems to be saying to feel the pain instead - contrary to TMS. so I'm unclear on this session & feel like I'm getting some mixed messages... unless MB is just saying to accept it rather than block it out. seems paying attention to it would feed it more...