Those constant symptoms...

I guess the upside is this will tell me if I have any cancer in any major organs, which Sarno always said to rule out!

 

Wow, that's a pretty big thing to feel safe about!

Way to look at positives, Rusty.

Hoping for you that in this journey of "trying other things" that you'll find something you're able to latch onto. I know I did - I was running focused like you, at least as much in my estimation if not more - and I found alot of other loves in activities (mtn biking, cycling, strengthwork, circuit training, etc)

 

@Rusty Red
Time. Time is amazing and for some reason the brain kind of goes on reset over time.
That said, I worked hard at erasing the stories, the untruths and the myths that I believed. This is a huge part of TMS mindset recovery. If there is nothing wrong with me then there is no harm in running. I am having TEMPORARY symptoms and am giving myself a break for awhile - and then I'll see if I can get back to it again was my method.
I couldn't walk more than a few steps for 2 years. Standing was near impossible - so bathing and using the facilities were excruciating.
But once I could really clear my mind from the physical towards TMS - using the "What the f*ck else is there" method - meaning EVEN IF there was a physical issue I still needed to do things, even if I had pain, I was able to begin moving again. Yes it was painful to move but I was less fearful and resistant. I had a really good cheering section and support (which really helped) and began simply walking in my home. Then outdoors just a block and home. It created more symptoms (not pain, but the nervous system was really kicking in as my brain kept trying to keep me at home)... but within a few months I was able to walk 3/4 of a mile...now I am up to 5 miles a day and then I really need to put the breaks on, as symptoms really ramp up. 5 miles up hill all the way in a slow climb yesterday, I was feeling it but that's OK! What an improvement.
2-3 years ago there was no way I would even consider it. Man, there is no way I'd be doing Qui Gong/Tai Chi or now some of the other exercises I've been doing. Some stuff will still trigger me physically so I just go in baby steps. It's helped me to re-focus on the little things in all parts of life and I can easily identify when I am trying to control over just living life and that is freedom! An example for me and baby steps is identifying that I will have increased symptoms for about 6 weeks when I begin to try something new. So I break it down into smaller steps and just move forward towards completing the exercise in approximately 6 weeks. Some simple ones have taken me 2 years! I just keep going with a curious mindset to see where they get me.

As you work through all the old baggage and thought patterns, your mind kind of sluffs off the old memories and fears.
There are still some things I find hard to watch - movements of others that are triggers for me, but over time I've been able to watch this as a form of desensitization to it. To reprogram all the old lies and crap I was telling myself.

The most important thing I kept telling myself is that no matter how much time it takes me to do the work, it is all temporary.

Yesterday when I was out for lunch, I let a woman who was in a knee bandage and brace (medical procedure) go before me. Clearly walking was painful and I said "oh, wow...I'm sorry - not fun" and with a genuine smile on her face she said - ah, it's all good. This is just temporary and I can't wait to be better than ever!! She's got it!

 

Thank you, @Cactusflower. As upset as I am about my mistake with the imaging, I'm really not ready to throw running away from my life. I'm going to try to continue with the small increases in time I was planning and see where I end up. I ordered a new stationary bike as well for cross training so hopefully the different types of movement will get my brain back to a safe space!

 

@Cactusflower — this post really inspires me. Thank you! What were the myths and lies you believed, and how did you get rid of them?

 

Wishing you good luck with your stationary bike. If you're accustomed to running on a treadmill (and the boredom involved), then you'll transition pretty easily to the same boredom on the stationary bike.

A couple of recommendations to make it more interesting:

- Do something structured on the bike, meaning don't just get on and spin at the same resistance the whole time - make a plan with a warmup, some type of interval/quality, then a cooldown.
- Most likely will need some kind of fan directed at you
- Consider using Zwift/Rouvy (subscription but offer free trials) or MyWhoosh (free)
- If not using one of the game platforms, I find watching Youtube videos to help with the boredom - especially ridealong or runalong videos (where you "virtually" follow along someone's ride/run)

I firmly believe you'll be back at running before you know it - and you'll be glad of this foray into cross-training, and it will make you a better runner!

 

@Mr Hip Guy I have had a bike before, so pretty used to it! The software just blew. I have NordicTrack so iFit is built in with programmed rides, they have some cool ones. I'm still going to work on small runs in the meantime to ease back into it. It can be a bit disheartening in one of the FB TMS groups to see so many be told to just find a different activity period and give up whatever is causing pain, rather than trying to work on it.

 

theyre telling people to give up forever? That’s pretty silly, but I would Imagine that advice is given by people in the doldrums who see no future outside of pain. I think breaks from triggering activities while we make progress in building a foundation in lessening fear and getting in touch with the issues that triggered all this, can be a good thing.

 

It reads that way to me. Basically find another activity instead, because the one causing you pain must not be the right one for you.

 

Oh no, I don’t think it should be phrased like that. And I recognize some of my comments towards you may have come across that way sorry if that’s the case! I think the issue is that while we are in a heightened state of fight or flight, we can start to be triggered by things we enjoyed, and then we are prone to panic over the subsequent pain and a bad cycle starts of fearing something we used to love. But the end goal of all this should be to lower the nervous system threshold so that we aren’t in such a panicky fearful state and the pain comes down or we just are able to respond better to the pain and engage in passions in a healthy way that is conducive to healing. If we’re just writing off activities and hobbies forever then even if the pain goes away I’m not certain that that is recovery, the fear and fear of symptoms returning still dictate our lives.

 

Oh no, not at all. I very much feel encouragement here to venture into other activities but still work through my issues with my current activity. I've never gotten that impression from you!

 

The problem with dropping activities that cause pain, is your TMS brain will just pick something else to do the same thing with. It wants you in a cage.

 

I hope that what I've suggested isn't being interpreted that way because that is not my intention at all.

Like Rabscuttle says, I just think it's important for many reasons to keep movement and activity going even if you're currently having problems with a specific one.

And in your case, with the hamstring issue - if that is actually a tear and will need a few weeks to heal, you can be doing something else in the meantime like cycling to maintain fitness and sanity.

 

I can speak to this from experience - my major crisis in 2018 saw me going from not being able to run, to not being able to bike, to not being able to swim, to not being able to walk....and on and on. It was all TMS.

 

Mine is the same - the iFit rides are great! Almost as good as Peloton and cheap/free.

 

I think there is a benefit to introducing new physical outlets in that the TMS brain may overplay its hand. Sure if you have no foundation and no TMS knowledge you’ll just jump from activity to activity running from the pain. I remember before being TMS aware last November after trying to resume exercise while dealing with vasectomy pain, I started yoga and swimming to replace martial arts and basketball. Swimming I got shoulder pain instantly and stopped for months. Yoga I got calf pain within 2ish weeks and had to stop for a few weeks, I was locked in to a 3 month plan at the yoga studio while out of work making no money so I was doing it with or without pain lol, I just stuck with easier classes for a bit. But now when I get a new symptom it’s more of a nice try sneaky brain than a oh shit I need to rest. And those new symptom ( or even old ones that pop up again) can be a reminder of things I’ve been neglecting or better ways to react to the really debilitating symptoms.

 

No, I don't get that from you either. You have always told me I would get back to running.

I'm not thinking a tear now that the panic has worn down, just an exacerbation of the tendinopathy.

 

I don’t want to get into specifics (because I was in particular talking about the physical here) but things like imaging interpreted by others, negative and hopeless comments by people who saw me as $$ in their pocket (especially those who said the cared).. I’m talking things Dr. Sarno says are “normal abnormalities” - and I’d use that phrase.. “normal abnormality”, this is not chronic with XXX person (comparing myself to a TMS success story) etc. That was a first step. 2nd step was erasing even those positive comparisons. I focused on why I feel the need to compare.
Where does comparison work for me - focus psychologically. It works when I know I am as good and worthy as they are simply because we exist and that it appeases others for me not to think this, but it doesn’t work for me. So no. Not going to think those thoughts. Refuse to play the OCD like games TMS can create.
It’s a total whack a mole. They come up, you say no and then question why is this even a thought? I don’t actually mull over why it’s a thought (I’d done that work and no need to keep rehashing that either). I know all these thoughts, judgements, and things created great rage. Ok, that work is done too. Where’s the resentment? Root it out.. now it’s all in the light: erase. Gone. Forget it. It means 0. The words, the ideas that hold me back, people who spoke them etc. of 0 use to me so they are gone. “no” is a big word. Refuse to keep rehashing and thinking about these things. When we learn it’s ok to use it on others we can learn it’s ok to use it for ourselves.

 

Thanks, Cactus! Love this advice.

 

As a perpetual over thinker thinking the same thoughts over and over this speaks to me. Does me absolutely zero good and never has.