Day 8 TMS Treatment so far

Hello,

This past week has been great! I have significantly less pain in my upper back, neck, and shoulder. I have committed to the program- spending up to a couple of hours each day taking notes on all of the lessons, and journaling. I am curious how the next 3 days at work will be. Last week I had more shoulder pain instead of back/neck pain while doing dentistry. I felt like I could sense it starting, and I would think about it, and either get it to stop, or at least decrease. While not at work, I have had almost zero pain, which is amazing!
I challenged myself to go for a short run yesterday morning. I haven't been running for 6 years, since I developed severe, sharp pain on the side of my left knee. I only ran for a mile. I did have the same sharp knee pain for the the last 2/3 of the run, even having to stop for a minute. It is interesting that my knee doesn't hurt at all if I'm not running- walking, riding my bike, etc. Today I had the usual soreness from running for the first time in a long time, but again, my knee doesn't hurt if I'm not running.
I have been talking to people about my progress this past week, and about the program. I feel a bit embarrassed talking about it. I think some of it is feeling like people will judge me. Some is the worry that this won't be a permanent fix, and I'll feel silly having the pain return in the near future, just like other "treatment."
There is a part of me that feels like, I am doing this for me, and it is about me, and I kind of want to keep this to myself. I haven't seen too much about sharing the TMS diagnosis and treatment with others, outside of the Forum, what is the consensus? Thank you.

 

First off, your right on time...that conditioning in your knee has been going on for however long you were in pain, so if you begin to forcefully turn your mind to a recurrent personal problem everytime you run? THAT will chase it away faster than anything , at least in my experience. (Pg 77 of 'Healing Back Pain')

I have had the chance to help lots of my friends and associates over the years, but I have learned to only share it with the desperate and frustrated. It usually takes a certain amount of frustration with the 'normal' system to try this. I totally rejected it when someone brought it to me early in my Pain odyssey. I remember thinking "Yeah bro...but my pain is REAL" as if he were suggesting it was 'all in my head'...it's a nuanced understanding and a lot of people confuse unconscious emotions with 'perceived' emotions.

I recently got to share it with my Boss at work...a really young, driven, achiever type, two daughters,wife, own business...Perfect TMS candidate.
He missed some work for a Chiro appointment. I told him about Sarno. He read the book and got better in ONE weekend!

Keep in mind, I don't think he had been in pain as long as most of us, so his pain left faster...the longer someone was in pain first seems to have something to do with how fast they can unprogram all of the conditioning. Took me about 3-5 weeks...and then a lifetime of discovering other ways it was sneaking in the backdoor (LOL)

You're doing great!

 

For the second part of today's lesson, I am discussing the emotions tied to my pain.
I think there are several things going on with my emotions and the pain associated with them, but the most obvious is the stress/anxiety/fear I feel at work as a dentist. When there is a procedure that is challenging I can feel my body rise in temperature, in tension, and pain. The worst is when there is a case that is borderline, and I am trying to save a tooth or "help" the patient, and it either doesn't go well or I am afraid that it won't last long term. I feel an immense amount of guilt and shame if things aren't how I want them to be. I'm not sure if perfectionist is the correct term, but I do put a lot of weight on the outcomes of my profession, and my hobbies.
I believe I can appear to be very laid back, and unaffected by stress, but I think I just do a good job of hiding it from others. I have always had a hard time sleeping, since I was a teenager, and I think that is when all of my anxiety was present. I could not turn my brain off. I don't share my concerns/emotions well, and I think I am even hiding them from myself, and the result is TMS.
I can feel some of the back pain starting up again tonight. I think it is because I go back to work tomorrow. I'm going to continue to work on viewing the pain as an indication that I need to acknowledge my emotions, my fears, and talk to the feelings. That it is ok to have these feelings, but also how to resolve the fear and anxiety.
I decided to take 1 month off of social media starting today. With that time, I want to continue this program, and read more, and start the Healthy Minds app.
Thanks.

 

Yes, perfectionist IS the term (LOL).
I could have wrote that paragraph about remodeling someones home...that is exactly how I feel...even to feeling my body temp go up.

I always feel like I haven't done as well as I could have and I am always pushing myself to do better.

I did NOT have to change that to get better...just realize that that personality trait combined with the shortcomings of the world and my peers generates TONS of anxiety that never makes it to consciousness. When I take regular inventory of events as they happen, I tend to not get any problems (symptoms) and when I fall asleep at the wheel and start believing I have changed, or I am OK...then I get little 'tickles' that remind me who I am.

Sarno discusses this at length in "Healing Back Pain" when he talks about perfectionism, narcissism and the TMS personality.

I Imagine you will heal relatively quickly seeing as you already have these kind of insights.