Week 0 Totally new and trying to survive

Hi, I have suffered on and off back problems. Throughout the past 12 years, I had nerve conduction test (twice) but my back issues, twitching in lower legs, tingling in feet, brain has been very prevalent. Each time it comes back, it comes back stronger with more symptoms. Right now, I am trying to recover from a severe sciatica and now in physio with lots of knots in hamstrings and genital tingling that scares me so much. Some symptoms are better but generally I feel poorly and am scared. I just had my divorce papers finalized and am trying to recover from a 36 years old relationship with a narcissist. Am also in a recovery program for complex ptsd. I am working with a trauma therapist to help me with my childhood trauma. But even if I know that my issues are most likely psychological, I get scared. Through my program, I have learned to process by journaling but the anxiety, health anxiety is still overbearing. I just feel overwhelmed as well with the COVID isolation as I had to go no contact with my ex, who had stayed despite his betrayal and affair, I had kept him in my life because I was scared of facing my life on my own. He was my only line with the outside world but once I decided to go no contact, that’s when I pretty much fell on the ground and could barely get up. Yet, each time my back gets a little better, something else pops up. I am confused, hurting and tired from lack of sleep.
I feel unsafe and scared of not being able to look after myself.
any advice or sharing your experience would help.

 

No advice to give, I'm a newcomer too, but sending you positive vibes papillion.

 

Wow, of course its very difficult to change your life in such a way even if the outcome will be much better in the end. You have it in you to be brave and heal, let it take the time needed.

 

Thank you Hedger. Today is rough. Trying to listen to affirmations but it is the week of my birthday and my heart is in the past. Wishing i was not alone to deal with this right now.

 

Yes this is hitting all of us, and for you who are dealing with all this other shit I can only imagine. This social isolation is extremely dangerous for society. I bet there will be studies in the future comparing this towards how dangerous the disease was. We are social animals, it´s how our biology works.

I feel you. I´m not old enough to have had a 36 year relationship, but I did leave a 9 year relationship and it was one of the hardest things in my life even though it was clear it should have been done years earlier. In the TMS work I have learned to appreciate sadness much more instead of fearing it. It can be beautiful to be in touch with yourself even with those sort of feelings. There is no shame in being hurt. Probably you are already in tune with this and it´s more the fear that's haunting you. Fear of being alone, fear of big changes etc.