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I have to tell this AMAZING thing that just happened to me! After more than a year, my claw-like, locked up hands just OPENED!

I can freely wiggle my fingers. I can also open my hands flat for the first time in over a year. And I can open and close my hands, which I couldn’t do very well -or at all -on some days. (My reflexes in my hands and arms were cramped up.)

I’ve still got symptoms in my legs. But this hand thing has been the most frustrating, scary and depressing. I was like a crab with pincers. Now I’m human again!!!

I honestly can’t even believe it! I thought it would be slower when it finally happened. It changes EVERYTHING to have my hands back! Plus….talk about HOPE!!!

For anyone who wants to know what I’ve been doing to get better (Aside from overhauling my entire personality, habits, lifestyle—and dumping my sordid past)—here’s a list:

Fought fear with time spent on the forum. I wake up in the morning and I open the forum. I read some posts. In the beginning, I would also search topics that interested me. I read and take to heart the answers people give in the posts. If I see something that’s helpful —a book or a podcast—I will look into it. If somebody gives me some advice— I will try it out.

Shifted from thinking to doing. I was doing a lot of cerebral TMS work— Reading, writing, talking about it. Two weeks ago I started exercising —doing something harder than I thought I could do. (I have been extremely weak for a year.) I ignored all that and I pushed through. That’s when the change came.

I started doing The Structured Educational Program on this forum. It requires brutal honesty and self reflection. Things started happening when I did this, too!

I increased my reading of Dr. Sarno books. I had kind of lost track of Sarno, pursuing other avenues. I think it was important for me to come back to the basics. I try to read some every day. My favorite now is The MindBody Prescription. It explains a lot of the logistics of nerves being deprived of oxygen. This was key for me because I have a lot of nerve-related symptoms.

I journal every day. I don’t miss a day now. I really need it. I don’t focus on anger or anything. I just write stuff down. Then I tear it up and throw it away.

I read the book, Feeling Good, Dr. David Burns, and I apply it daily. It describes how to do cognitive behavioral therapy for yourself. It takes a little bit of time to learn this, but it is absolutely pivotal in my newfound emotional well-being. I write down my thoughts and analyze them according to this book. Then I correct my thinking.

I listen to a little bit of Claire Weekes reading one of her books on healing anxiety every day. The reason I decided to do this every day is to keep myself focused on the fact that my nervous system is sensitized, causing a whole host of symptoms and mental problems. When I keep this in mind, I’m much more patient and I believe I can heal. It’s just a matter of getting the fear and the adrenaline to die down. And… knowing that it takes time. Adrenaline can cause symptoms—and she talks about that.

I did the DOC healing app, by Dr. Hanscom. It teaches how to forgive, get calm, and play. All of these left a big impression on me.

I write out “I love you, Diana,” on both sides of a piece of notebook paper daily. This sounds silly, but I discovered the idea purely by accident. I started doing it and it felt good. So I am still doing it, months later. I like to think it is improving my self love. (Self love heals TMS.)

PEP TALK— I’m one of those people that thought if I work harder than ever before I will definitely get better super fast. But— no. I worked super hard and nothing happened for a year. The only thing that kept me going were the stories that people told on the forum of how they got better. I believed them. And when I doubted—I would think of their stories. (A big help was @TG957 because she had similar symptoms and wrote a book about her journey called Defying the Verdict.)

I’m here to tell you— It will happen to you!!!! Just don’t give up.

(And I give this pep talk to myself also— because I still have a ways to go. But it will happen. I know it!)

“I was a drab little crab once.” —Moana, the movie

I used to sing that to myself to make myself laugh about my hands. (Better than crying.) Now, I can sing it because it’s true!

@TG957 also said once, that she gave her middle finger the finger. That also used to make me laugh and keep me going!