Day 1

Hello,

I have found this program after suffering for 6 months. I gave birth in April and ever since have had a constant urge to pee. I have become obsessed with it. It is a really awful feeling and prevents me from enjoying my life. I have been to all the medical doctors only to be told there is nothing wrong with me. I saw a urologist who scoped my bladder and was told it was very healthy. I have had two UTI since giving birth and have had those treated with antibiotics.
The reason I am thinking TMS is because the feeling comes and goes at random. Diet doesn't help at all. When I am relaxing and having fun it disappears and when I am stressed out or thinking about it, it appears. There really is no rhyme or reason behind it. I have also been having some anxiety related to it. Then the anxiety makes it worse and so begins the cycle.
I am coming to terms with the fact that this is all in my head. It seems so hard to wrap my mind around it. I know TMS is usually pain but I really feel like this could be TMS. Today is Day 1, I am excited to begin my journey and get my life back.

 

Hi, beanutters. I'm sorry you have the "urge to go" feeling often. You've come to the right place for help.
I recovered from severe back pain after learning about TMS.

You've seen the medics and they haven't found anything structurally wrong with you, so it sure indicates it's TMS.

I think you will get replies from other women who experienced TMS pain after giving birth.

Worrying about your ailment causes anxiety and that causes pain or other symptoms.

You say you feel less anxiety when you are relaxing and having fun, but the symptom comes on when you're stressed.
This is typical TMS.

You will find the SEP program very helpful. It leads to discovering the reasons you have to go often.
They are repressed emotions probably going back to your childhood, as mine were.

I think you will like watching the new TMS video by Herbie, another of us on the forums:

http://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-to-know-to-heal-from-pain-pt-1.5482/

I also want to share with you Herbie's expanded 12 Daily Reminders that Dr. Sarno writes about in his book
Healing Back Pain that you will find helpful.

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but its caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does cause real pain too.
2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or in anxiety then the the blood is restricted from going to your lower back for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain - remember, where theirs no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, The pain stays because of fear and focus to physical organic symptoms and repressions.
3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from tms healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. Tmsers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits,traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks its helping you.
5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you wont have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed cause you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear then I feed the pain, If I fear Its impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless.If I want to work against the pain I could but its better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I=t have to be in pain trying to heal cause facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them then I can heal.
8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my bodies ability to heal now. I can move how I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how its hidden -- its illusion, Its fear.
10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face everyone of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present, in flow.
11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling. The science behind mind-body/tms healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of tms. Tms will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off psychical symptoms and on emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore thus making the tms of no effect. This will in return, give us the cure.

 

Walt,
Thank you for your response. The 12 daily reminders are something that I am going to keep with me throughout the day. I had a good day yesterday and was able to curb the feeling by rerouting my thoughts from the physical to the mental. This whole thing is quite scary in one regard, I never knew my mind had such power. I cried in the car this morning on my way to work. This is something I would never have done before, I always prided myself on my ability to handle things. I teeter on acceptance and fear. One moment I feel great and I know it is all being generated from my mind but then the minute the feeling starts to come back I get scared and anxious. Those feelings are really hard to overcome when they are so embedded in your psyche. I think my TMS has gone back a few years to be honest. I started having this insane fear of the dentist which evolved to pain in my teeth. The dentist could not find anything wrong with me, it eventually went away. I then thought I had cancer because my white blood cell count was slightly high, I became obsessed over it. It eventually went away when I got pregnant. Then I focused on every twinge and pain with pregnancy and started to get migraines with auras. You can imagine where my mind went.
To get to the present after giving birth I remember thinking how am I going to find time to pee? That is where things went wrong. I started thinking about peeing, if I had to go, was there a bathroom nearby, etc. Bam! I found my new obsession. Then I started to feel like I had to pee all of the time. At first I thought it was related to the birth because the sensation was coming from my urethra. I had no pain other than normal after birth pains. I started researching on the internet and came across IC. I then convinced myself I had it. Then came the anxiety and fear even though the urologist I saw ruled it out. I still thought they were missing something and I was doomed to live my life this way forever. I thought about how much I was peeing and when, if I had to go before two hours I would automatically think my bladder is getting worse and pretty soon I won't be able to hold any pee at all. I went to a really dark place. My pelvis began to hurt in odd places. When here would be pain the urge to pee would go away and vice-versa.
Now I am starting to come out of it. It is very slow. The first step was yesterday, finding this website and program. It describes me to a T. Everything I have been dealing with for the past few years is all making sense. Actually, when I think about it within the past few years I have had some pretty messed up things happen to me and all of my friends were amazed at how well I handled it. I was always thought to be to put together, now it is starting to become unraveled and I am starting to feel better than I have in years, how strange. This is day 2 of my journey.

 

Hi, beanutters. I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better. The SEP program can keep that going and heal you.
You've been going from one worry to another and learned there was nothing to worry about.
We can catastrophize ourselves into all kinds of fatal worries. Try to live in the present and not the future because
that rarely turns out as we worried it would. Find ways to make your days happier. You're going to feel great soon!

 

Wishing you the best beanutters! I am starting today...so hopefully we can have success together. Look forward to reading more posts.

 

Hi, SSG. I'm glad you're starting the SEP. It is a tried and true way to heal from TMS,
showing step by step the Dr. Sarno way. I especially found the journaling helpful.
I discovered repressed anger from my boyhood and that led me to better understand
my parents and older brother and the stresses I got from them. That led to me forgiving them
and that led to relieving my back pain. So SEP works, as many of us have found.

 

Have you taken any meds for it?

 

Thanks Walt! This is kind of a re-start, but with a fresh mind. You are so kind and encouraging...I appreciate it! By the way, I'm a dog lover too...I have two Goldens!

 

You will win this battle no doubt about it beanutters, I too am just a beginner and starting my journey with this mind body connection. All the best!

 

Yes, I took Uribel in the beginning with no relief. I also tried some herbal remedies that also did not change anything. I also tried diet and some homeopathy stuff, I guess I tried a lot! Lol! Nothing has helped.
In reply to SSG and Raynor, thanks for the support! It means a lot to know other people are out there in the same position I am.
Today was day 3 for me. I can wrap my mind around TMS but actually believing it is another thing. I teeter all day long with this. Sometimes I know for sure it is TMS and my anxiety can be kept down and the urge is kept in the background. Other times I start to think what if it is something physical and I am doomed to feel this way for the rest of my life. Then I panic and the feeling is worse. The fear is the worst part. I know I need to get over it but this whole ordeal is terrifying. I get jealous of people who can just pee and move on with their lives, lol! Right now I feel overwhelmed. How am I going to get through this? Can I get through this? I saw my primary care doctor today and spoke with her about this. She was supportive and suggested antidepressants for me. I of course refused. It is hard to be positive when the symptoms are so strong. What if this is not TMS, how do you know for sure? All of the tests are normal for me so I guess that is how I know, but how do I know? I know this might not make sense but I am laying it all out there.
I bought a journal today and am going to start writing in it. I am an engineer so I like charts and diagrams and such so I made a little chart with me in the center and all of the things in my life around it. I then started writing my feelings and emotions about these things and one thing became really clear, almost everything in my life stresses me out and puts pressure on me. I work full time, have two kids, have a husband who stays home with a baby and is on the brink of a breakdown half of the time. This on top of a plethora of family issues. I know I have things to work through but are they really causing me all of this suffering? What if giving birth damaged me? I guess it is only day 3 for me so doubt, fear, and anxiety should still be expected. Anyways, thanks for reading my story. I will continue to write about my journey so other people can follow along.

 

Hi beanutters,

You might find this interview with Dr. Eric Robins helpful. He is a urologist who treats TMS, and has also recovered from his own TMS. The interview includes information about a technique called Faster EFT, which some find a helpful strategy, but I think his discussion of TMS and urological disorders will be most useful to now.


http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/interview-with-dr-eric-robins-m-d-and-robert-smith.3738/

And welcome to the Forum!

 

I just wanted to post about my day today. I started journaling this morning and had a small breakthrough. I started writing about my childhood and my teens years and began remembering some very difficult moments when I struggled with an eating disorder. I began feeling what I went through at the time and was surprised that for the first time in a long time I felt something. I really hold all of my emotions and feelings at bay and it felt good to release some of them. I had a good day after that, some struggling to keep my symptoms at bay but for the first time I felt like I had some control. I got stressed while at Walmart (shocker, that store can be very overwhelming especially with two children in tow) and the symptoms became more prevalent but as soon as the stress went away the symptoms subsided. I am feeling pretty convinced that this is TMS now. I was able to relax and meditate this evening and felt pretty good. As of now I am hopeful that I can recover, this is something I haven't felt in months. It was a good day today and am I am hoping to parlay it into a good day tomorrow. I will keep updating
Also, thanks Ellen for the video. It really put it in perspective for me in so far as my symptoms that I am feeling are real and not in my mind. It is the fact that they are originating in my mind and not from something physical. It helps me to envision healing and has changed my view on this whole thing. The fact that he mentioned IC in particular made is so I am no longer afraid of it. I now see it as something that can be overcome and not a life long sentence of suffering. I really appreciate it you posting it for me!

 

Beanutters,
I am so glad to hear this! I would read this post over and over if you have any more challenging days ahead...it will remind you of why you think this is TMS. I have had a good day here and there, but unfortunately didn't write about it...so I try to go off memory!

And yes, Walmart is stressful at times-with or without kids.

 

So i just wanted to update my progress, and progress it is. I had a break through today while journaling, I was thinking about my childhood as whole and one thing stuck out to me. I was always the "good" child. There was me and my sister who is a year older than me, she is now a heroin addict and I have lost touch with her. This is a totally different story, but one thing that stood out to me was the pressure to be good. I spent my first communion party doing multiple sink pads of dishes in order to please my parents. I remember distinctly feeling like I was not good enough to deserve the party so I spent it cleaning up after everyone. I spent my entire life like that, trying to conform and be good. To please. I went to a football game today and literally almost burst into tears walking down the corridor to get food because I felt so free. I no longer have to please. I am who I am, it doesn't matter who thinks what of me. It is ok if am am not the smartest or most creative. I am me. Take it or leave it. It might seem like a simple concept to some people but to me it is entirely new. I feel so liberated, and the best part is I spent the entire day symptom free. Day 5 was a good day.....I will post about tomorrow.

 

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I am on a total journey right now. I felt good yesterday for the most part. It is funny when the urge to pee eases up then I get pelvic pain and when I don't have pelvic pain I get the urge to pee. I find the pain much more bearable but I wonder if this is a sign of TMS that the feeling gets shifted around? Maybe it is my brains way of holding on the something physical because I have not yet been able to fully heal? Anyone's thoughts on this would be appreciated. I have begun to really peel back the layers of my fear and anxiety and when I realize that my symptoms are only that, symptoms they are not so scary. I have dealt with anxiety for years now and I am finding that going through this is really helping me control it. When I feel that panicky feeling creep up I tell myself that it is not real, it is only a product of my mind. It tends to ease and I am able to go on with what I was doing. On funny thing is now that I am starting to feel better I have a hard time actually realizing that I do have to pee. I am so used to suppressing the feeling because I would feel it right after I went that now that I don't get it right away I need to realize that when I do get it I really do have to go. I peed for almost a minute straight yesterday because I held it for so long! This is actually a huge improvement for me. Thanks for reading! I will keep updating!

 

When I'm playing tennis, I can easily go from 8:30 am to 1:00 pm, stop and eat lunch and have absolutely NO urge or thought of urinating. That's about five to six hours. When I had TMS issues with frequent urination, I recall one driving trip (heading homeward) having to go about five times in about 200 miles. I was onto it being TMS by then and made a game of it to set a record for how many times I could stop and go before arriving home.

A wise doctor friend informed me about ten years ago about an RX he took called Flomax. He said it really did the trick. I got some and used it for road trips where it reared it's annoying head being in-convenient to stop, searching around for trees to pull behind and everyone passing on the highway knowing what you were doing, or hopping around in front of grimy gas station restroom waiting for some druggy to shoot-up. The worst instance was flying out of Dulles in DC having to wait the mandatory half hour before leaving one's seat due to 9/11 terrorism fears--lucky I didn't pee in my seat--chatting up the pretty flight attendant while waiting did serve as a good distraction. In Norcal there are nearly NO restrooms available at urban gas stations due to the druggy-homeless and the vandals destroying them. Sorry for the segway--or is it segue?--it would be hard to pull over and try to hide behind a Segway on the PCH.

So to make a long story longer, having Flomax in my glove box has eased my TMS volume control to the point that I very rarely need to use it. This occurred over a span of several years during which my sub-c reconfigured my brain cells into accepting that TMS was the volume control for my frequent urination issue. I've seen similar RX products on TV commercials earmarked for women with similar concerns.

G'luck!
tt/lsmft

 

Thanks for the advice Tom. As of now my urination is actually not that frequent, I go about seven times a day, but it is this tingling feeling down there that makes me feel like I have to pee. It doesn't really originate in my bladder, I can actually hold a bunch of pee. I will ask my urologist about it at my next appointment although I really hate to take any meds. I know I can get through this with my mind. Today was a good day up until I started my drive home from work. I then started to get the feeling and it has lingered through the evening for me. It is frustrating to see it back after I felt like I made so much progress. It this normal to regress? I am trying not to focus on the feeling but on my my feelings in my mind. For me I think my family stresses me out due to the new baby. My husband stays home with him and is very stressed by the time I get home. I then have to make dinner, do homework, clean, make lunches, get the kids bathed and in bed. It is a lot to do in a little time all while taking care of the infant. I am not sure how to go around this. I know I have post partum anxiety and I don't want to go on meds for that either. I am hoping that when my hormones realign that my anxiety will dissipate and then my TMS will too. In the meantime I am keeping up with the SEP and journaling every day. I am also seeing a non-TMS therapist who is very supportive. Today has not been as good others I have had but I am trying to keep my head up right now.

 

One more thought to add, I am realizing that I am very hard on myself. If the feeling comes back then I right away think what have I done wrong? Am I not trying hard enough? Did I not follow the program enough today? I then begin to stress out and then I think it makes it worse. I am going to journal tomorrow about this thought and see what I can unravel about it. As always any thoughts are appreciated!